Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can't really share good news with friends?

28 replies

Bluebell99 · 23/02/2011 23:43

Sounds a bit rediculous, but have noticed one friend in particular really can't stand it if I tell her something good has happened to one of my children for example and has to try to deflat me?! For example, My ds forgot to tell me that he had been chosen to take part in an event and kept the letter in his bag for two weeks!! I told my friend this story as I couldn't believe he had neglected to give me the letter, and she straight away came out with a story to say that being invited to take part meant nothing and probably everyone had and probably they invited the children whose parents were most likely to get them to go?! It's make me think that this particular group of friends aren't as nice as I thought and are actually a bit jealous?! To put it into context, my child has been unhappy recently and struggling a bit, so it was a really nice boost to his self esteem.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/02/2011 23:46

Sounds like jealousy to me, Bluebell. There's no reason for a friend not to be pleased for you when something good happens You'd be pleased for her if the situation were reversed, I'm sure.

Maybe tell her that... that you'd be pleased for her, and see if her attitude changes.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 23/02/2011 23:47

I would think that person isn't a great friend, tbh.

You can share good news with friends and they will be happy for you- even if their own house is falling down, their DH is leaving to live with a transexual pole dancer and they have just lost their job.

Well done to your son!! Smile

blackeyedsusan · 23/02/2011 23:49

Who needs a friend that's like a bucket of cold water poured over your head.

Congratulations ds99!

nailak · 23/02/2011 23:54

yanbu

fangbanger · 23/02/2011 23:55

Sounds a lot like my mother.

DS has Sn. HE joined a MS football team. He was terrible.

But at trainign one week he knocked over abother player, he immediatly went to help him up and apologise and make sure he was ok.
That week he was awarded trainee of the week. HE got a little cup to take home for the week and he couldn't have fit a bigger smile on his face.

I cried i was so happy for him.
He wanted to go straight to my parents house to show them, so we did.

he walked in so excited and ran straight to my mum and said "look nan i got man of the match" she looked bored and said "you want to talk to uncle paul, he gots loads fo trophies for football. but proper ones for winning competitions"

I really hated her at that moment.

Original poster
Bluebell99 · 24/02/2011 00:03

Thanks guys, I do think it's about her own insecurities, but still it's abit galling to recognise. She has a lot going on at the moment and I have tried to be really supportive, but I think I am going to back away from her a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebell99 · 24/02/2011 00:04

Oh fangbanger :-( Well done to your ds, bless him.

OP posts:
OTTMummA · 24/02/2011 00:07

OOOh fangbanger, i don't know if i could of resisted lamping her one!
I hope your DS didn't take notice.

OTTMummA · 24/02/2011 00:09

Bluebell, just ask her WTF her problem is, why is she so nasty, then before she can answer just say, you know what, forget it, i don't need a shitty excuse.
Just ignore her from then on, she sounds like a right piece of work.

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 24/02/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SueWhite · 24/02/2011 00:13

I have a friend who is like this. She's fine most of the time, but if it happens to be something I've done/got that she wants, she can't resist a little snipe. It's a flaw, but not a dealbreaker if they have other good things about them.

PonceyMcPonce · 24/02/2011 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fangbanger · 24/02/2011 00:15

I very much did want to lamp her one tbh.

Thankfully DS was so happy he didn't even notice. Grin

PonceyMcPonce · 24/02/2011 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumblequeen · 24/02/2011 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MCos · 24/02/2011 08:18

That would bug me.
Is she a good friend in other ways? Does the good outweigh the bad?
I think my response would have been to tell her that I was delighted (and maybe rub it in a little..) And let her stew.

SeeJaneKick · 24/02/2011 08:23

My oldest friend does this too...I could handle it before I had kids...but when I shared some pretty big news with her re my oldest and a big award yesterday she could not wait to change the subject.

I was a bit Shock because it was SO obvious....I am almost ertain she is not aware of this habit...but don't know if I can be bothered to tackle her.

EveWasFramed72 · 24/02/2011 08:25

fangbanger...I have tears in my eyes for that horrible comment from your mum...what an awful thing to say to that sweet, sweet boy!

I don't understand this...be a good friend, and congratulate...aren't we a little too old for jealousy at this age??

MissyKLo · 24/02/2011 08:34

People who do that really annoy me! I really dont get it thank goodness. I am happy for my friends when they share good news and that's how it should always be

eddiemccready · 24/02/2011 08:35

Then I wouldnt really consider them a friend tbh. A true friend is always happy for you, end of story. I have had friendships change through the years. One girl really revealed herself by being furious when I got engaged before her! Lol. Through the years 3 remain as true friends I know they dont begrudge me anything, or me them.

CupAndSaucer · 24/02/2011 08:49

Definitely jealousy - and insecurity.

I have a friend who does this. She doesn't miss a trick to put my children down and can never be pleased for them. If her children get invited to a party and mine don't she makes a point of letting me know. I just smile and say "How lovely" but if it's the other way around she'll say "Oh, I don't like that child, I'm glad mine aren't going!"

Her children are very high achievers and extremely competitive and as they get older they are beginning to display the same attitude as their mother. They often come across as boasting and a bit spiteful.

Needless to say, she's really a true friend, and I try and keep some space between us.

Don't let this 'friend' get to you.

noonar · 24/02/2011 09:01

i am a teacher and my colleague, who used to be my mentor, worked at the same school.

many of the children in our classes entered a poetry competition, submitting work written in class. it was a council run competition and the winning entries were put on 'posters' on local buses.

anyway, 2 of my class won and none of hers did. she started to say things like ' the reason yours won and mine didnt was probably only due to the fact that you...blah.. blah.. blah..' i just couldnt belived her sour grapes. she shouldve been ashamed of herself.

TheChewyToffeeMum · 24/02/2011 09:05

I have an old friend who does this. I honestly don't think she is aware she does it. It seems to be a habit and now I think of it like that I can just ignore it.

noonar · 24/02/2011 09:10

i think that when the news regards your children's achievements you need to be very careful.... for example, when dd1's SATS results for english put her in the top 12 % nationally, i was delighted. and i told her grandparents. but not my friends. for obvious reasons. pride could be misinterpreted as boasting. not suggesting that in your case.

LineRunner · 24/02/2011 09:15

Bluebell - it's jealousy.

Fangbanger - my mother does this stuff all the time. She's incapable of offering praise, presumably in case anyone around her might experience anything approaching the emotion known as happiness. I think the story of your little boy winning his football cup is lovely, btw.

Swipe left for the next trending thread