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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

4yr does not want to talk on the phone

27 replies

Tsav · 23/02/2011 21:58

Hi all,

I have a 4 yr old who does not want to talk on the phone. My parents live abroad and love to exchange a few words but he refuses to talk on the phone........by the way he refuses to talk to anyone on the phone.... Have you any ideas how i can break this.......
Many thanks

OP posts:

Mutt · 23/02/2011 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissVerinder · 23/02/2011 21:59

Webcams? My 2.5y/o thinks Gramma can see through the telephone! Can you get Skype?

MissVerinder · 23/02/2011 22:00

x-posts. Great minds and all that!

BlackType · 23/02/2011 22:01

No, but I think time will make a difference. He is a four-year-old child, and he is having adult expectations put upon him. Some children like talking on the phone; others don't. It would be nice for your parents if your son were one who did like it, but it really isn't a reflection on them if he is reluctant. I think this probably needs to be pointed out very gently. Could he (does he?) send cards/draw pictures/dictate an email that you could send them instead?

FabbyChic · 23/02/2011 22:01

And I was just going to recommend Skype!

At least if he will not talk he could see them, of course they would need a computer and a webcam too.

GrimmaTheNome · 23/02/2011 22:02

Can you put it on speaker and then sort of chat to him yourself - draw him into more of a 3-way conversation? My DD didn't like phones either and IIRC that's the sort of thing we did. Probably started by all singing 'happy birthday' to granny.

LoopyLoopsHulaHoops · 23/02/2011 22:03

Ah, you've all already said it.

Skype.

Altaira · 23/02/2011 22:03

Could your parents invent an imaginary dog that wants to speak to him?

They would need to pretend to woof and be a dog who can speak some english, but the payoff could be worth it. Works in my family

Mutt · 23/02/2011 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 23/02/2011 22:05

I wouldn't worry, he'll suddenly randomly become chatty.

Ismene · 23/02/2011 22:05

My 4 year old doesn't like talking on the phone either, she will say 'hello, yes I'm fine, goodbye now!' or 'Would you speak to my Mummy now please'.

I don't do anything about it, she is 4, she is polite if brief and if the adult on the other end of the phone is annoyed then they need to grow up rather than my young DD don't you think?

StataLover · 23/02/2011 22:05

We've had the same problem. Now my 7 year old will talk on the phone - but only if the other party is child responsive iyswim. Face to face she'll chat to anyone and talk hind legs off a donkey. 4 year old won't talk normally. Webcam is the answer! They love it (especially seeing themselves messing about)!!

Altaira · 23/02/2011 22:06

Completely and utterly- but it keeps aged grandparents happy. And DD knows there probably isn't really a dog but buys into it anyway.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 23/02/2011 22:07

we used to have 'Do you want to say hello to Granny?'
Child 'OK then' 'Hello Granny'

Oblomov · 23/02/2011 22:20

ds1(7) has never been a great talker on the phone. Ds2(2) rabbits away non stop. And tries to take the phone off me when daddy or nana phone, and would literally talk for ages, if not stopped (crying then starts).

Can't change nature. Could be just a phase, or age thing. Maybe just not a talker ?

Me ? Hours and hours and hours.
Dh - pub ? what time ? see you at 8 then !! Ends.

bupcakesandcunting · 23/02/2011 22:20

Bribery.

deedee321 · 23/02/2011 23:11

Love it, Altaira, I laughed out loud!!

Soups · 24/02/2011 00:22

Time and no pressure.

Both my kids have gone through phases when they've hated talking on the phone. The more they're nudged into joining in the more they'll back away. My 5 yr old has recently "got" talking on the phone to his grandparents (spends the odd week with them), but he's still shy with skype. When skyping his cousins he sits on my lap while everyone chats, sometimes he'll answer a direct question. Slowly he's getting more confident.

When he was younger I'd pass him over to my Mum. She'd just chat to him and ask questions but not really expect an answer. It helps if you can talk first and fill in the news, then grandparent can ask "I heard you went to the ...... did you enjoy the ....? I love the ....". It probably helps that my Mum is a former primary teacher and has had lots of kids, she doesn't take lack of answers personally. When I spoke to my Mum after I'd pass on information about his facial expressions!

ExeterisEasy · 24/02/2011 00:33

mine was the same at the time, her dad, my ex husband wanted to talk to her every night and she had no interest, i told him to stop calling until she asked and then i rang. perhaps you could try the same thing. until your dc asks to speak then can you just wait and call them up?

Soups · 24/02/2011 00:57

I've now read Altaira's dog post , something like that could work if the grandparents are willing to play along.

My eldest was a very verbal child but in some situations would go off on one and become a bit emotionally stuck. Sometimes he'd be happy to chat to my hand being a dog / lemur / elephant. The sillier the better, the humour would be enough to distract him and get him to communicate. I can see how similar role playing could work in a phone situation.

MCos · 24/02/2011 08:12

My two are not fans of the phone either. If either I or DH are travelling for business, we may get a short chat from them, but often it is 'No thanks, I'm too busy'.
Webcam was fine while it was a novelty. Now that novelty is over, we get same response for that.

LineRunner · 24/02/2011 08:51

Sorry if this sounds a bit OTT, but the inner child in me wants to speak out! Here goes. Why would any child want to talk on the phone to anyone? Why should they have to? Whose needs are getting met here? The fact that so many children don't want to get on the phone to relatives should be a bit of a clue that they find it either really uncomfortable or utterly boring.

Then of course the whole saga ("Come on sweetheart, just say hello to granny, just take the phone, just a quick hello, TAKE THE PHONE!") often gets characterised as the child's being 'rude', usually by one of the older generation who isn't getting the validation they need from a very young child. And it's the fear of one's child appearing rude that is often at the heart of the problem, perchance.

Sorry, but I was forced to speak on the phone to godawful relatives when I was a kid and I bloody hated it. I still hate using the phone to this day, especially to 'chat'.

Yeah I know, I have been twisted.

susssiq · 24/02/2011 09:04

same problem here, we live abroad and my parents and siblings like to talk to the kids, my son who is 4 as well wont talk to anyone but his cousin who is 5. But on skype he chats away as if they were in the same room he fetches things to show them and its great. Only problem is you can't skyp spontanousl, it has to be pre arranged so doesn't happen nearly as often as I would like!

HellonHeels · 24/02/2011 10:05

Heh! I am 43, not 4 and hate talking on the phone, always have done too. It's a shame for the relatives but my view is - it's just tough for them. Agree with Linerunner really.

Can you make videos to send?

blackeyedsusan · 24/02/2011 10:17

Have you got a speakerphone? could you have a conversation with him about his day/ toys etc while rellies "listen in" this is generally what talking on the phone is with my 2dcs.

Ds would stay on the phone for ages if you are willing to sit at the other end saying "hello ds" til the cows come home. he's 2.7

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