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Original poster

Do I tell friends parents? Terrified she is being 'groomed'

39 replies

MogadoredMemoo · 23/02/2011 20:39

DD is 12 and this evening told me that her friend who is also 12 has been talking to a boy online. The boy says he is called Jack and is 16. DD's friend has told him she is 15 and she has set up false Facebook and MSN accounts to talk to him in secret. They met on a website called 'Habbo'

This is setting off huge alarm bells.

DD is begging me not to tell her friends parents because her friend will fall out with her, she is really upset about it.

I guess I already know I have no choice but to tell the parents but just need some confirmation I am doing the right thing because its going to cause problems for DD.

OP posts:
MavisEnderby · 23/02/2011 20:41

Very difficult but if your gut instinct tells you you think this child is at risk,maybe a quiet word with her parents

sowhatis · 23/02/2011 20:41

def doing right tihng and your dd doesnt have to be implicated if parents savvy and just happen to 'find' the info online.

Susiewho · 23/02/2011 20:41

It's not a great situation, but why jump to the conclusion that she's being 'groomed'?

BelleDameSansMerci · 23/02/2011 20:42

You do know what you have to do... It's going to be so hard but I think you have to speak with them. If it were the other way around, you'd want to know. Even if he is only 16, she's only 12. Sad

squeakytoy · 23/02/2011 20:42

Who is the adult here? Of course you must tell her bloody parents!!

If they fall out, they fall out, but her safety is more important.

PigValentine · 23/02/2011 20:42

Tell the parents, but explain to them how upset DD is aout getting her friend in trouble. They will probably be so relieved that your DD has had the sense to tell you that they will be more than happy to deal with it in a way that won't make the girls fall out.

You are doing the right thing.

Original poster
MogadoredMemoo · 23/02/2011 20:42

I'm not jumping to conclusions. But I can't take the risk can I.

OP posts:
OADCB · 23/02/2011 20:44

absolutely what pigvalentine said.

You must tell

popcrackle · 23/02/2011 20:44

Yes ofcourse you must tell the parents and tell the parents how worried your daughter is. This is so important. Really, really important. You would want to know.

RunAwayWife · 23/02/2011 20:44

Think you have to talk to the parents

BrigitBigKnickers · 23/02/2011 20:44

I have access to my DDs facebook accounts (the only way I would let them have one.)

Could it be suggested to the parents of this girl that this is how they came across such info- your DD doesn't need to be implicated.

Either way you need to say something- Think how you would feel if something awful happened and you could have prevented it...

CointreauVersial · 23/02/2011 20:46

Thank god your DD has a good enough relationship with you to tell you about this.

Flisspaps · 23/02/2011 20:47

Mention it to the parents. Tell them that your DD doesn't want her friend knowing where the info came from though.

However it is highly likely that the 16 year old boy (and I'd have thought it more likely that he is a boy and not a hairy trucker called Dave trying to ensnare a child) would be mortified if he knew she was actually 12 and not 15!

laosvher · 23/02/2011 20:47

Yes, quiet word.
Even if she's not being groomed - I think they'd need to know anyway, what sort of 16 yr old will go out with a child not yet a teen? That rings alarm bells for me too.

laosvher · 23/02/2011 20:48

Oh, he thinks she's 15
ignore my last, then!

BluddyMoFo · 23/02/2011 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MogadoredMemoo · 23/02/2011 20:49

I know the likelyhood is that its all innocent but I also know that I can't take a chance.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 23/02/2011 20:49

Tell them.

It isn't fair on the boy either as she has lied about her age.

Original poster
MogadoredMemoo · 23/02/2011 20:51

If she has lied about her age the boy has probably lied about his age too.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 23/02/2011 20:53

Yes, definitely tell the parents - but do so via discreet phonecall & ask them not to drop your dd in it if they can help it - she's been very responsible in telling you, & shouldn't have to cop the flak for it!

If she's been using the home pc, they could've come across it on her history...?

'Jack' is quite likely only really nine mind you, & in no way a hairy handed peeeeedo trucker.Grin

But parents should be pro-active in talking to their dc about online networking; the vast majority of secondary aged kids are on Fb etc. Definitely time for your dd's mate & her parents to have a chat about it...

bethelbeth · 23/02/2011 21:31

Habbo hotel is a child friendly chat and play website, I would be tempted to say that it's probably nothing. But as you'll all know, you can't trust anyone on the internet.
I'd be very surprised if her parents weren't already aware that she was visiting this website, they should have a look for themselves and see what it's about.

RevoltingPeasant · 23/02/2011 21:33

Agree with raven.

Think it's quite important that your DD does NOT get dropped in it, otherwise, it might have quite big social repercussions for her and also for your relationship with her.

Also, on 'Jack' being nine.... When I was young (and the internet was all fields etc) we used to go online at that age and write rude stuff to older men on AOL/ MSN chat. We thought it was funny to arrange to meet people and then not show.

(We were 12/14, don't judge.... Blush)

So yes, Jack may be a pimply group of 11 yos having a giggle.

mmsmum · 23/02/2011 22:22

Maybe you could have a word with the girl without involving her parents? Just be nice and try to find out more about whats going on, like who's idea it was to have secret accounts. Then take it from there.

gordyslovesheep · 23/02/2011 22:24

tell them - the things kids get exposed to online (and adults!!!) they need protection and guidance from parents

Original poster
MogadoredMemoo · 24/02/2011 13:04

Thanks for all the advice last night. Sorry to have disappeared but phoned the mum and ended up on the phone for ages. Have spoke to her this morning, her dh had a good look on the daughters laptop and there are a couple of things on there that are concerning them. Probably best not to say too much but glad I spoke to them as it's a huge weight off my mind.

OP posts: