To think this hv wasn't?

[Toomuchtelly]

My dbil and sil had their first baby two weeks ago. They live in a four storey six bed townhouse, kitchen downstairs, lounge on first floor, bedrooms on the other two floors. Their bedroom is on the top floor.

Anyway, from the off they said that dd would be sleeping in her own room from day one. They have a study next to their bedroom so we thought they would put dd in there, however, dbil decorated the room next to the lounge, two floors down.

Dd went into her own from the first night. Sil said she was running up and down the stairs fro most of the night but was glad because it would help her to lose weight. mil was concerned as she has done work for FSIDS and tried to tell sil about increased risk of SIDS but was quickly rebuffed.

When I was visiting yesterday, hv came round. She asked sil about sleeping arrangements and when she was told that dd was two floors down, looked really pissed off and asked sil if she had a Moses basket.

Sil - yes
Hv- you need to put it in your room now please while I am here.
Sil- why?
Hv- because you are increasing the risk of cot death. If she was on the same floor it would be better but two floors away is ridiculous.

She stayed until sil had got the Moses basket from the garage and put it in their bedroom.

Needless to say their dd is still in her own room, two floors down.

Sil has made a complaint to the pct, she said the hv shouted at her, which she didn't but was very stern.

I don't think hv was bu.

Sorry for the stray "another room" in there. Laptop's having a wobble.

Valhalla - I think it's noise in general, rather than breathing specifically, that prompts the baby to continue breathing and not sleep too deeply.

Maybe it's not just about hearing their parents breathing, but because it's so quiet at night and they fall into too deep a sleep?

not an expert, but it's more about night time I think. When it's quieter, the baby can hear a parent breathing if they're nearby so it helps their breathing.

I think the SIDS people recommend dummies now for day time naps as that helps regulate breathing too.

Either way, if studies have shown that sharing a room with the baby is safer then isn't it better to do that even if we don't fully understand why?

HV was BU and went too far. By all means explain clearly the situation and what the advice is and why recommendations are best but ultimately it is up to the parents whether they choose to follow that.

What a nanny state we live in!

HV was correct to give advice but not to force Mum to get the moses basket. There is no legal obligation to follow HV advice.

TBH, I would have asked HV to leave

I agree with tortoiseonthehalfshell - there is more going on here than where the baby sleeps. HV wasn't being unreasonble to suggest. Perhaps the question should be why she felt the need to insist? And why is it just your SIL being unreasonable? Does your BIL not have any say in the matter?

Tbh I don't generally ask wherethe baby sleeps as that's up to the parents. I jus make sure they have the advice and then if they want to discuss anything I'll dicuss it.
I would NEVER stand over a new mother and insist she puts a Moses basket in her bedroom if she told me that she did not want to do so. The advice and guidelines are given and then it's down to the parents what they decide to do.
IMO as a HV the first weeks with a baby are hard enough without a HV making a new mother feel alienated.
I worked with a girl once who apprently used to inspect people's houses and then wonder why parents didn't want to see her. Certainly if she looked round MY house she would have been very sniffy - tidy I am NOT!.... which is why if I am YOUR HV you never need to worry about getting the house tidy. I just don't notice it tbh - it would have to be VERY bad (you know dog poo etc on the floor) for me to register it.

I've had the best of intentions with my two about having them in my bedroom, but both of them have been such incredibly noisy sleepers (imagine poking piglets with pencils) that I literally couldn't sleep when they did. I cracked at 6 weeks and 5 weeks respectively.

I felt particularly bad about moving DS1 into his own room. My HV was great. She said that there was an increased risk of SIDS (which I already knew) but that there was also an increased risk of DS1 being in a car crash given how tired I was!

On my GP's advice, we turned the monitor around, so that the baby part was in our room and the parent part was in the baby's room - that way they could still hear us breath.

I think both the HV and your SIL are BU.

HV: Because the reason for the reduction in risk of cot death is because the baby can hear the parents breathing. It wouldn't make any difference whether the baby was on the same floor or 2 floors down. Besides there is no law saying your baby has to share a room with you. Imagine if a the HV said that she HAD to BF even if she didn't want to!!!!

SIL: For not having the baby either in the room or next door... and wanting to run up and down 2 flights in the night to loose weight. That sounds mad (and unreasonable to me).

I lasted around 2-3 weeks each time with baby in my room. I just couldn't sleep at all, even with ear plugs because of the snuffling. I couldn't function without sleep. Yes I know its safer to have the baby in our room but I wasn't safe in the day due to being so tired.

They all sound mad tbh.

Cannot see the point of having a baby if you are immediately going to put the poor little thing miles away from you so that your life changes as little as possible.