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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have gone ahead and done this despite DH's opinion?

43 replies

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 18:48

Bit silly really but indicative of DH and I and a certain problem in out relationship afaic

Basically we have been saying the DDs would share one room soon as I work from home and am really struggling to work in the kitchen/bedroom as there's no space for me really.

DDs are 6 and 3 nd we have a 3 bed home...my work counts for half of our income now...so..it was decided we would buy bunk beds...when we had the spare cash for them plus matresses. DH and I dont buy anyhing on credit ever so if the cash isn't there then we can't have it.

Anyway...we often have these "plans" about new sofas/tvs etc and never get them...because soemething else comes up or whatever

I just saw a cheap set of bunks on tesco direct for £47 (reduced from 130) so said to DH that it was a great bargain and we should get them...straight away he's all "Oh no..they're nasty and cheap I want good quality only"

Well I hear this ALL the time but his bloody tastes are SO expensive we end up with nothing!

So I bought them anyway and he was all pissed off.

"They're crap, they're metal, theyr shit and the DD's will be a nightmare in one room"

SO negative!

I KNOW the DDs will be hard in one room but I hate working in the kitchen

I told him they'd do for now and we can get matresss next week...he's annoyed and I think it's a power thing.

So was I? BU?

Fr the record we each have our own account and a joint savings account...I paid out of my own account for the bed....he pays for most bills in the home...I pay the tv and sky and all the dcs things....classes, clothing, parties and most of the hols...really ted to pay for all luxury items plus clothes etc. Is this weird?

OP posts:

TastesLikePanda · 22/02/2011 18:54

Your financial setup sounds like mine and DH so I say no yanbu... if they fall apart in a year, you've still got a year use for £47 which is your decision to make! Point out that they are not £47 quality, they are £130 quality, which is actually less than I paid for my king size bedframe and it holds my massive weight perfectly well!

TastesLikePanda · 22/02/2011 18:55

d'oh, I meant £130 is more than I paid for my bedframe.

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 18:57

Thank you! Glad I'm not the only one with that set up!

OP posts:

nickschick · 22/02/2011 18:59

Aged 6 and 3 im not sure a top bunk is safe -however my eldest was in a bunk bed before 7 ......£47 is a great idea to see whether or not its viable sort of a trial run .....and if they are happy in them then you can both save towards the dearer ones ....so really you havent 'done your own thing' its a trial run .....

thisisyesterday · 22/02/2011 19:00

yanbu, esp as you paid from your own account

if he prefers "nicer" things then he needs to be willing to sit down with you and work out a short-term savings plan whereby you can put a bit aside each month to buy this nicer stuff....

mmsmum · 22/02/2011 19:02

I don't know about your relationship but I agree about the beds. I don't they will last long and will probably be a false economy. Ok I do have an opinion on your relationship after all, did you really properly discuss the girls sharing a room? As he doesn't want them to share now I wonder if he ever did. It's not just a new bed, it's moving the girls, which is a big thing to do. If I have to choose, I'm going to go with YABU, since you asked lol

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 19:05

Well he was all for them sharing because he could use "my" office when I am not...he likes privacy...

I wonder if it's a class thing sometimes...he's a bit posher than me dontcha know...I grew up sharing wth my 2 sisters in a bed which was balanced on paint cans! As far as I am concerned they're lucky to have a bed never mind a whole room each!

OP posts:

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 19:06

If he earned "nice things money" then fine! I'mup for quality! But he doen't!

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FabbyChic · 22/02/2011 19:08

Can you use the mattresses you already have on their new bunks? Was a bargain to be had and makes perfect sense.

If you are working from home and bringing in a significant income you need your own work space.

Bunks sound a good option the 6 year old can do the top bunk.

nickschick · 22/02/2011 19:10

I think the £47 is a great thing its a trial to see if the girls can share happily.

FetchezLaVache · 22/02/2011 19:16

yanbu, it's your work space, you are at least an equal contributor to household income, you're entitled to take matters into your own hands if you can see it'll never get done otherwise.

zukiecat · 22/02/2011 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acinonyx · 22/02/2011 19:38

I'm totally with you on wanting your own home office. I work from home and really value having the box room as an office. I doubt your dh understands the need, as he doesn't do it himself.

Dd's bed and mattress was only about 120 pounds. One of the slats has broken (too much bouncing). So there are quality issues - but like you - it has been good enough for long enough. You have to be realistic about cash flow - we also like to buy with cash not credit.

Laquitar · 22/02/2011 20:26

YANBU but if the bed breaks your dh will say the dreadful 'told you so'. This happened to me (argos not tesco).

But the way i see it at least if it breaks you only lose £47 not £££

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 20:29

I cancelled. I read in thereviews that the bottom bunk has no headboard...couldn't bear to give DH some more ammo....

OP posts:

smokingnuns · 22/02/2011 21:42

oh that's a shame you had to cancel as you could have put something in to block it. YANBU to need your own office and to facilitate that by putting the girls in together. They are 6 and 3 for goodness sake, they won't even notice the 'quality' of the beds and will probably love the excitement of sharing a room and having bunks.

If he's got the money for quality then fine but if you not you search out the bargains. He sounds a bit tight tbh, hope you don't mind me saying. Does he have reason to worry about money, does he feel ashamed that his family may see the bunks and make a judgement?

smokingnuns · 22/02/2011 21:43

"put something in to block it" - made a headboard (not hard!)

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 22/02/2011 21:50

Is my dh married to you too Teenybitsad?

I get the "I don't just want any old shit" too, he complains if it's from Argos or similar.

Although he hates it when I point out clothes for him that he deems "too expensive" for example, a £15 pair of jeans...he says you can get them in Asda for £4.

Now I just buy what I want because I do all the budgeting.

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 22:57

No smoking...his Mum is a right one for buying old tat...she wouldn't judge.

I wish e waslike that abot clothing SinyMoon.sadly though he wouldrather buy ONE pair of everthing for the year...at designer prices...he won't wear "cheap" clothes...on the god side though he will always encourage me to buy them too!

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BEAUTlFUL · 22/02/2011 23:02

There are always LOVELY secondhand bunk beds on eBay. They come up every week.

I think you talk about you DH in a horribly sneery way. This was awful:

If he earned "nice things money" then fine! I'mup for quality! But he doen't!

squeakytoy · 22/02/2011 23:03

most bottom bunks dont have a headboard.. you dont need one!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 22/02/2011 23:03

your husband has champagne tastes on a lemonade budget ... tell him to get REAL or stump UP. end of.

Original poster

Teenybitsad · 22/02/2011 23:16

Well BEAUIFUL as I said I think his behaiour is indicative of a deper problem...so no need to be for him...he can be pretty sneery hmself...in fact if we were to indulge in a sneering competition he'd win hands down for his habit of looking down at perfectly good, affordable brands which are ALL WE CAN AFFORD and which are good enough for others....apparently my tastes and shopping habits are very "working class"

OP posts:

smokingnuns · 23/02/2011 19:05

urgh he sounds horrible if he's saying things like that. He knew what he was getting when he married you - did he expect to do a prof higgins on you? . Sounds like you - and your 'tastes' - are exactly what he needs to bring him down a peg or two.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 23/02/2011 19:14

I agree look out on e bay - or Ikea when they have their special offers.

You know what I would do - put them together by myself when he is out, and make them super cosy with some cheap fabric and fairy lights - super cheap in Ikea. Make then so ace, and the room so special that your dd's will be absolutely in love with their new room. And then plant the biggest smuggest smile on your face.

Kids bloody love bunk beds - my ds 5 was super excited when we stayed at a hotel with bunks at Christmas. He didn't want to leave to go to the theme park. And he managed with the midnight toilet trips just fine, which was my main worry.

I am the main bread winner and pay all the bills, my husband likes his good stuff, but I have to agree about the quality, you don't want him harping on about it, it will do your head in. I tend to do the buying and then in the end he always seems to agree with me. Luckily he doesn't feel too strongly about these things.

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