To have gone ahead and done this despite DH's opinion?

[Teenybitsad]

Bit silly really but indicative of DH and I and a certain problem in out relationship afaic

Basically we have been saying the DDs would share one room soon as I work from home and am really struggling to work in the kitchen/bedroom as there's no space for me really.

DDs are 6 and 3 nd we have a 3 bed home...my work counts for half of our income now...so..it was decided we would buy bunk beds...when we had the spare cash for them plus matresses. DH and I dont buy anyhing on credit ever so if the cash isn't there then we can't have it.

Anyway...we often have these "plans" about new sofas/tvs etc and never get them...because soemething else comes up or whatever

I just saw a cheap set of bunks on tesco direct for £47 (reduced from 130) so said to DH that it was a great bargain and we should get them...straight away he's all "Oh no..they're nasty and cheap I want good quality only"

Well I hear this ALL the time but his bloody tastes are SO expensive we end up with nothing!

So I bought them anyway and he was all pissed off.

"They're crap, they're metal, theyr shit and the DD's will be a nightmare in one room"

SO negative!

I KNOW the DDs will be hard in one room but I hate working in the kitchen

I told him they'd do for now and we can get matresss next week...he's annoyed and I think it's a power thing.

So was I? BU?

Fr the record we each have our own account and a joint savings account...I paid out of my own account for the bed....he pays for most bills in the home...I pay the tv and sky and all the dcs things....classes, clothing, parties and most of the hols...really ted to pay for all luxury items plus clothes etc. Is this weird?

Your tastes and shopping habits are very working class?

• said in sneery meant to insult way?

because there's nothing wrong with working class, but he meant to sneer and put you down.

You know what, if that's his attitude and how he treats you, you know what I'd do?

I'd say "well, if you were able to provide for your family, we could shop differently, but since you aren't up to the job, it's all down to me."

Yes, it's spiteful. And it's meant to be.

Because sneering at you and looking down on you means he deserves to be taken down a peg or two.

YANBU. You need your own place to work.

If he doesn't like the bunk beds then I suggest he finds the cash for his expensive tastes!

I'd do the exact same - in fact I have done where DH thinks we should save up obscene amounts of money for total renovation (and then never saves anything!) where I think a few hundred quid would actually make the place a lot nicer and negate having to spend megabucks.... So far he has wholeheartedly agreed AFTER I do it. He's just got no imagination!

However, if bunk beds are horribly expensive, how about a corner cupboard office from IKEA? I had one of these in my first flat and it was brilliant - you basically have loads of storage/files/shelves and jazz it up with nifty lighting, and then once you are done you close the doors on it entirely.

I'm with Hecate, what a terrible snob he sounds. All very well having expensive taste, but he isn't exactly earning enough. Yuk, he will drive you away if he carries on with the 'working class taste' crap.

I would get the bunks, and as the other posters said, really vamp up the girls room wih fairly lights and lovely curtains/rugs, cheap at Ikea. They will adore it, you will have your office, which you need. Especially as your income is crucial to the family budget.

I really wouldn't recommend making disparaging remarks about your husband's provision for the family. It isn't 1950 and there is no reason why the OP shouldn't work too.

I have to say £47 (even £130) for bunk beds sounds a bit on the cheapo side and whilst I am queen of Wilkos and Poundland on occasion, there are things you need to spend decent money on (or find good quality second hand) and beds are one of them.

Does he make you feel ashamed for being working class OP, which is why you back down when he uses the 'you're so working class' line and are frightened to give him 'ammo' along those lines?

Oh and btw, I don't know your set-up but I'd keep that office as yours iiwu - don't let him share it. He can use the kitchen table.

I suspect that, if the roles were reversed and your husband had gone ahead and bought something like this without your agreement, he would be getting flamed on here.

Such partisan posts ("sisters all in it together!") like this are so pointless - one might as well say, "My husband is a twat, do you all agree?", to which the predictable response will always be a resounding "Yes, leave him...what a git/ar$e-hole/bastard etc etc!".

You sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder as well, to be honest. There is nothing wrong with aspiration.

Oh there most certainly is something wrong with aspiration if you trample on other people to get there.

I hope you make him sit in the garden in a string vest in the summer OP, with a knotted hanky on his head. You could take to wearing curlers with a fag hanging out of the corner of your mouth and say 'bleeding' a lot.

It's not about it not being 1950. it's not about whether the OP should be working or not.

It's about him sneering and putting her down and making spiteful remarks and bloody deserving to be forced to have a taste of his own medicine.

But I am aware most people on mumsnet are destined for sainthood since they never want to get the boot into someone who truly deserves it.

I do. I see no reason why you should turn the other cheek when it only means you get that one slapped as well. If someone is choosing to say spiteful things to hurt you and put you down, you don't take that, you don't rise above that, no, you choose the thing you know will hurt them the most and you fling it at them. cold and calm.

I would never recommend to someone that they take the moral highground when all that means is that the other person is a bastard to them and they are bending over and taking it, hard.

If you are bringing home half of the income, your work space should be treated with the seriousness it deserves.

Find some bunk beds which you feel happy with financially and from a safety point of view (my 3.5yr old loves sleeping in the bottom bunk on our IKEA bunk beds) and get them installed asap so that you have a nice place to work.

Honestly, it's got to be your priority - don't let him take charge of this - especially if you are paying for it yourself.

Good luck!

I agree with Hecate. If he cant take it back then he shouldnt give it out!

If he can be spiteful then why the hell cant she?!

And anyway, working class money management to me means making a good life with what you have, and having the confidence not to be ashamed of it. So I would take that as a compliment and say thank you everytime he said it!

I don't think trading snippiness is going to make the OP's situation any happier. Her husband will just make more cock like comments in response. And whilst she doesn't (shouldn't anyway) mean it if she says he should be capable of keeping their family single handed, he will remember it and fling it back at her every argument they ever have. Not a good plan.

The £47 bunkbeds are redundant now anyway so why not just look for some on ebay? And tell him you need space to work, the children can share, it is non negotiable. No sniping.

I also find that people who insist on name brands tend to do so because they are fearful of the unknown and trust those brand names and know that no one is going to turn round and say "those are rubbish".

Some of the supermarket own brand stuff or cheaper furniture items are actually really good quality (indeed some of it is even made by the same people who make the brand name stuff, it's just packaged differently, so there really is no difference!).

He's being a bit snobbish but might be convinced if he can see the quality of the cheaper items... Or, um, be evil and tell him it's from John Lewis (I do this frequently with IKEA items!!)

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. I think that allowing someone to sneer at you without opening your mouth and putting the boot in, is letting them walk all over you.

I may have a bit of a problem with it as my husband can be heard to whimper "would you like me to open a vein?" as I go on and on and on.

And there was the time the nasty taxi bloke was backing out of the door mumbling apologies while I was letting him have it both barrels

anyway, to me it is about not allowing someone to sneer at you or to put you down and making sure that what they started, you bloody well finish and you finish it so well they are on their knees and they will never try to belittle you again.

I was bullied as a child. Can you tell

So I'm afraid that, while I respect the 'bigger man' approach you favour, I still favour cutting him to 2 inches tall.

I had to actually look these bunkbeds up on Tesco and I think the OP should reorder them. They seem fine and all of the reviews are positive, one even specified that they are sturdy. The only reason people have mentioned that the bottom bunk doesn't have a headboard is that the picture has one in it - it will be fine as long as it's against a wall. I shared a room with my sister until 8/10 and I think we were happier that way than we would have been.

Well said Hecate!

Turning the other cheek has it's place, just don't think its for a marriage.

I heart hecate .

cgi.ebay.co.uk/JOSEPH-WOODEN-BUNKBED-2-x-drawers-wood-/230588950384?pt=Beds_Mattresses&hash=item35b02c2770#ht_500wt_1156Look

or these

Your DH may not like buying second hand, but if you get a good quality set they will look good and no one will ever know.