To have wanted to grab this girl and shake her? Rather than just coming home utterly depressed

[yogididabooboo]

I just nipped to the offie to get a bottle of wine.

Got out of the car and noticed a group of young teens (15/16) arguing. There were 3 boys and a girl.
As I approached i could here that boy seemed to be accusing the girl of doing something and girl was denying it.
They walk ahead of me and i hear boy say "see this? see this pretty face? yeah well i find out its true its gone. i will fuck you up. Sket"
whilst almost spitting in her face.

Girl carries on proclaiming it is all untrue, begging him to listen to her, Why would she etc etc.

Boy walks along literally shouting that if he finds out it is true he "is gonna beat the fuck out of her" he will "fuck her up. no one will want you when im done you slag" " i swear i beat the shit out of you"

all teh time the girl is running along side him begging him to listen to her.

I cannot tell you how utterly depressed it made me. I actually had a cry in the car.
I wanted so much to just grab the girl and take her home to her mother so that she can be told that this sort of relationship is no good.
But i have to wonder how her upbringing has been for her to consider this ok.

The poor thing didn't even flinch at his words. I doubt it is the first time she has heard him say it and i wouldn't be surprised if he has already acted upon such threats.

It has actually really affected me.

YANBU. very very sad

:(

dreadful.. but all too common these days, and you cant intervene, because you end up being the one who gets your head kicked in :(

Thats horrible. That would have shook me up to, but Im more forthright and would have said oi! and interrupted.

I used to hear this shit all the time growing up, and have had things like it said to me. It's very depressing, but I agree with what squeakytoy said.

Do you know that normally so would I.

I have literally no fear stupidly but I honestly got the impression that had i tried to explain to her that she was worth more than this peice of scum, the girl herself would have turned on me and supported him.

This one situation is so sad and yet what depresses me most is that it is so far from unique. That there were two of the boys friends there that just watched. not one of them felt the need to try and clam the guy down and point out to him that he was so fucking way out of line.

it really is heartbreaking

YANBU I'd want to cry too.

I know there was an ad campaign recently about a girl being pressurised by her boyfriend, i had hoped that it was the first of many ads aimed at teens but it seems like that was the only one.

I think that respectful relationships should be [part of the curiculem.

There have been far too many incidents where a good samaritan has ended up dead because they were brave enough to try and come to someones aid.

I lost a friend this way 22 years ago. He stepped in to stop a bloke hitting a woman. He died in hospital a few hours later.

Heartbreaking is the word which comes to my mind too, yogi.

For all my faults the one thing I am very, very hot about is emphasising to my teenaged DDs that they are NEVER to let anyone lay a hand or them, threaten to or to let anyone speak to them like that.

I learned it was a stupid thing to do by living with and being married to their father. :(

I'm NEVER going to let my girls go through what I did.

That poor kid, what sort of a life has she got ahead of her... :(

I completely understand how you feel yogi. A couple of years ago during my lunch break I saw a young girl with a little boy aged 2/3. They were running and being chased by a teenage lad. I thought they were a happy little family playing chase because she seemed to be giggling. Then I heard her scream and she started crying loudly. I assumed she'd been hit. That's the gist of it and it still bothers me now. That poor girl and that poor little boy. Then she got a job in the local bakery so served me every day. I was always tempted to ask her how she was and tell her what I'd seen but didn't of course. It's all very sad isn't it?

It is awful.

I just know i am going to be awake all bloody night now. I sat in the car for about 10 minutes wondering if there was anyone i could call to try and intervene but, in reality he hadn't done anything. police wouldn't come out and even if they did they would do nothing as they wold all deny it. i can't call SS as i have no idea who they are and again, it would all just be denied anyway.

I think part of my distress is the total frustration about the situation

I like the idea of Mumsnet.com/relationships cards, MadamDeathstare; I really do!

It is very sad! I would find it very hard to see such a scenario played out in front of me.

I think the best and most pro-active thing is to ensure that our dd's, and indeed our ds's NEVER grow up to find that kind of behaviour acceptable.

yogi, had they been in the shop before? The owner/ counterhand might know them. If you could find out discreetly who they are like that you could report it...

Long shot :(

I did mention it to the lady in the shop and she seemed as shocked and then saddened as i was. She agreed that it is far too common. I don't think she knew them as i think she would have said.

I only really mentioned it as i had hoped they may keep an eye on them as they seemed to be hanging around outside.

I know what you all mean about bringing our children up. I was pleased to have a son, thinking, as a feminist, I could help bring a male feminist (aka a decent person) into the world. Now (not content), I am fretting to have a DD so I can bring a confident woman into the world, who will do good simply by not being depressingly like these weakened girls and women one sees; the latter make me so sad and angry.

Very upsetting.

TBH I would call the (non-urgent) police. This is no way to behave, what would it be - Breach of the Peace - Threatening Behaviour etc?

Report Report Report.

NonnoMum the police wont care, you'll just get frustrated trying to make them care.

It's deseprately sad and very depressing but you're probably right, she would've sided with him.

First rule of domestic volence support is that you have to wait for the victim to decide when she's had enough. That's also the hardest part of domestic violence support. It kills you.

Exactly. I see women who have been abused by their husbands and help support them either to leave or once they have left.

The idea that this was a young girl who was seemingly willing to be abused this way at such a young age. It is soul destroying.

Do you think we (mn) could maybe get a pamphlet produced and handed out to schools? I am just left with a horrid sense of uselessness.

yogi, that leaflet sounds a way forward.

What you have experienced tonight was awful. To think that could be our DDs is unthinkable.

Exactly. I just wanted to come and give DD a hug and remind her she deseerves only people who would treat her well.
That any man that treats her with disrespect is not worthy of her. That she is worth perfection and she should never settle for less.

and that if any man ever laid a finger on her i would rip his balls off and feed them to him.

I think MN could actually start a far bigger campaign and get respectful relationships onto the national curriculum. I bet a lot of other organisations would back it. I bet most of the public would too actually. How about it?

I like that idea, yes.