To have wanted to grab this girl and shake her? Rather than just coming home utterly depressed

[yogididabooboo]

I just nipped to the offie to get a bottle of wine.

Got out of the car and noticed a group of young teens (15/16) arguing. There were 3 boys and a girl.
As I approached i could here that boy seemed to be accusing the girl of doing something and girl was denying it.
They walk ahead of me and i hear boy say "see this? see this pretty face? yeah well i find out its true its gone. i will fuck you up. Sket"
whilst almost spitting in her face.

Girl carries on proclaiming it is all untrue, begging him to listen to her, Why would she etc etc.

Boy walks along literally shouting that if he finds out it is true he "is gonna beat the fuck out of her" he will "fuck her up. no one will want you when im done you slag" " i swear i beat the shit out of you"

all teh time the girl is running along side him begging him to listen to her.

I cannot tell you how utterly depressed it made me. I actually had a cry in the car.
I wanted so much to just grab the girl and take her home to her mother so that she can be told that this sort of relationship is no good.
But i have to wonder how her upbringing has been for her to consider this ok.

The poor thing didn't even flinch at his words. I doubt it is the first time she has heard him say it and i wouldn't be surprised if he has already acted upon such threats.

It has actually really affected me.

A few years back I was with some friends when we spotted a girl sobbing in a shop door way on Oxford St.

We stopped and asked her if she was OK, if there was anything we could do. Out of nowhere her (presume) boyfried appeared telling us to "fucking mind your own business" etc etc. then he dragged her off by the wrist. She just sort of turned and shrugged at us. wasn't even suprised.

It was so dreadfully sad. Still think about her. She was in her early 20's, beautiful, well dressed, well spoken....

Tragic

I think it is something that Most parents would get behind. But i fear those who have the power to actually make the decisions will just fob us off with the current PSHE shit they peddle.

I think that abusive partnerships is a specific area that needs exploring with children. It should cover what you should exect from a relationship, warning signs of abuse, places to go for help if you are in fear and lots of hammering home that it is socially unnaceptable to abuse your partner.

There's more to this than just a need for a "campaign". If it's not targeted it reaches no-one.

Certain scum treat people like this. You need to identify who those scum are and adapt your message accordingly.

Get role models with whom they are likely to identify and have them hammer home the message that this behaviour is 100% unacceptable.

Unfortunately such behaviour is learnt through observation. This only emphasises the need to deal with it, now...once and for all.

I absolutly agree. i truly believe that there should be a zero tolerance, automatic jail time for anyone convicted of domestic abuse.

I think that until the message sinks in that society will not accpet such behaviour, that the authorities are on the side of the victim and that they will be protected if they speak out against violence, it will continue.

But again education is key. If we get the message out there that it is not to be accepted, that there are certain behaviours in a relationship that should never be tolerated, that you should feel respected at all times.. then hopefully less grls will grow up feeling that this is a normal relationship

I have asked MNHQ to undertake the campaign

Here

i think the crux of it is that girls need to be taught self respect, to know their esteem doesnt come from what their peers think of them becuase they are able to dress and act a certain way and get certain boys attentions etc.

if it was me i would have done nothing, if it was dh he would have probably knocked the boy out.

Well I think it's a bloody good idea having been victim to this in my teens!

I disagree with the idea of a 'catch-all' campaign and believe that targeted efforts will reap greater rewards.

I think it's also the responsibility of the parents of sons.
I can't imagine my 15 year old ever treating girls like this. He's grown up all his life with girls and boys as friends and they have mutual respect for each other.
Not all boys behave like this and not all girls will accept it.

i would just think she would want to get a grip

Of course. I have both a son and daughter and would hope that both have enough self respect never to abuse or allow themselves to be abused.

But as many many women on here alone would confirm, it is often far too late into a relationship before you realise that you are being abused.

I think teaching what the do's and don't of a healthy relationship are, the signs to look out for, the ways in which you should feel about yourself so that you never allow anyone to make you feel as though you deserve to be treated badly.

I don't propose this only be targeted at girls. But at both sexes.

bigbeagleeyes - "Not all boys behave like this and not all girls will accept it."

Quite.

Hence my suggestion that this be targeted at those high-risk groups where DV is a known problem.

Dare I suggest that, all too often, "the parents of sons" equals one knackered, burnt-out, apathetic woman who has had no one bloke by her side to support and assist her in raising her son, hence his going off the rails.

But no, such opinions are beyond the pale on MN - no judgement allowed!!

errm, I think that that opinion perpetuates the myth that domestic violence is the curse of the lower classes. That your nice families don't experience it.

Domestic abuse happens in all age groups, across all social classes and all wealth brackets.

yogididabooboo - yes, and corporation tax evasion is also prevalent across all classes, I'll wager....

well i would make an uneducated guess at corporation tax only really being applicable to corporations.

I would however tell you that in the past i have supported a solicitor after she left her Dr husband who had been physically abusing her.
so im sorry but i know from from experience that class and social standing has absolutly no bearing.

Poverty does increase the risk, but as i am sure you are aware even the upper classes can live in poverty given our recent ecenomic climate

Horrible situation, yogi... :(

There are several organisations out there that specialist in providing help to young people on a range of issues including relationships.

Sorry... even though I post here on MN, I wouldn't advocate 'Relationships' as a reference source, particularly not to young people.

Awful. With my feminist hat on I would say its a deep rooted misogyny which permeates our society which makes this type of behaviour acceptable to some people .

What a wanker!

Why why why would any human being that is acceptable?

I would support any campaign that taught girls and boys about healthy relationships and respecting themselves!!

my head is already firmly in that hat Kerala