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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too many weddings?

35 replies

Mapley · 21/02/2011 08:44

I'm recentky engaged and want to get married this summer. Mainly because I'm the wrong side of 35 and want to start ttc soon, but would prefer not to be pregnant or breastfeeding on my wedding day. I don't want a winter wedding as we have a marquee we can use. I also don't feel comfortable waiting till next summer due to age and ttc.

Trouble is between friends and family there's already 3 weddings and a baby due this summer. People are saying we'd be better to wait till next summer. Are we being selfish and stealing other people's thunder by doing it this year. Are we expecting too much of family and friends to plan our wedding too when they other weddings to attend and a new baby to welcome?

I didn't realise there was a queue. Is this the case? Would most people be pissed off if asked to attend a wedding when there are a few others already organised? And if you already had your wedding planned would you be annoyed if a friend got married in the same month?

OP posts:
Grevling · 21/02/2011 08:50

Just plan it. When ever it is some people won't be able to make it.

YANBU to want the wedding when you want it as its your wedding but understand that weddings are expensive therefore don't be upset if people with already 3 weddings on the calendar don't come to it (if they need to stay over etc).

4 weddings in a year can easily cost the same as a holiday if you need to travel and stay over IYSWIM.

tribpot · 21/02/2011 08:52

Congratulations!

I think it depends on what you're expecting. If you want a big do and to be the centre of attention (which is entirely your choice) then you should wait. If you want to have a fun day and accept that it is just that, one day, you can get married whenever you want.

People may not be able to attend because they've planned in advance and made arrangements around the other weddings/the baby - so you need to factor that in too. If it's very important to you to have everyone there, you probably need to give more notice or having a winter wedding.

The one note of caution I would have about a summer wedding is how godawful the weather is in this country. And I say that as someone who got married at the end of November and chanced upon a sunny day! To some extent, in your shoes I'd just go for it and get married in March/April - early enough not to annoy any summer brides and if you get a sunny day it's a bonus feature.

lazylula · 21/02/2011 08:54

The year we got married we attended 3 other weddings, one mid June, one in July and one 3 weeks before ours. Personally, as long as your wedding isn't planned on the same day as one of the others, I do not see the problem. Maybe try to arrange it as the last one, look at Sept, which is often a nice month.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/02/2011 08:57

YANBU, it's up to you when and where and how you get married. Why would you think YABU?
Can I come, it's been about 12 years since I went to a wedding Sad

MarineIguana · 21/02/2011 08:57

You should have your wedding when you want. A while ago we had the year of 1,000 weddings when everyone seemed to be getting married. TBH I preferred the low-key ones that didn't add a heap of extra expense and stress, and you could relax. If I were you I'd hold it when you want it but make it fun and relaxed and not a nightmae to organise.

OutOutLetItAllOut · 21/02/2011 08:59

depends, are all the same people going to all the weddings? and will that mean lots of costs for the guests?
if they all live local then no worries, but if you are in london and they are in scotland, then you may have to accept alot of declines based mainly on cost.

PonceyMcPonce · 21/02/2011 09:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadows · 21/02/2011 09:06

Well, in my opinion, it is the marriage that counts and not the wedding, and if you have a biological clock and want to ttc, I would say the following. (Get off the pill this instant and use alternative methods, as it may take a while to conceive after being on the pill - if you are using the pill.) Have a small wedding, in either April or September, it does not have to be grande, and it does not have to compete with the other weddings. After all, it is the marriage and the future babies which count, and this should be your main concern. Congratulations! Smile

ScramVonChubby · 21/02/2011 09:08

I;d say just go for it.

We planned our wedding a year in advance to fit nicely with other weddings; a 'mate' (you know, those friend of a friend but you've known each otehr sine school and seem to have acquired each other in your social calendar even though have sod all in common...) booked hers to eb two weeks before my long standing one, at what she thought was a copycat venue with the smae menu and fancy helicopters we could never afford.

Made sod all diference, I loved our wedding, and it was a great memeory.

And yes, at 35 don;t squander fertile years, just not worth it.

ScramVonChubby · 21/02/2011 09:09

Oh and yes look outside main season; we ahd the best weather of the year for our March do (DH's birthday) adn it was far cheaper too.

gingernutlover · 21/02/2011 09:09

we have 2 weddings during this years summer holidays and I am a teacher, it has made booking a holiday harder than usual but that's about it - we cant spend much on presents and we'll wear the same outfits to both weddings.

It wouldn't annoy me if 5 people I knew invited me to their weddings as long as they didnt get bridezilla-ish if we had to say no or if we werent willing to spend lots of money on the wedding.

YANBU to plan your wedding for this summer regardless of who else is also getting married - but be realistic about the fact that some people may be unable to come either due to other commitments or because they cant afford to travel/stay in a hotel/buy you a gift etc etc

MorticiaAddams · 21/02/2011 09:19

It's your wedding so book it for this year if you want.

We went to four weddings in one year. Luckily they were two different sides of the family and two different sets of friends so we only bought one set of new clothes and could wear them to all the weddings. Grin

Original poster
Mapley · 21/02/2011 09:22

Thank you! Very helpful and reassuring! Yes, thinking about September and it will be relaxed I hope, ceremony, buffet, bands and dj in one place.

God help me I hope I don't go bridezilla!

OP posts:
ValiumSandwich · 21/02/2011 09:25

Get on with it. If anybody gives you a funny look when you announce the date, just say laughingly 'honey I'm 35, tick tock!"

Be honest, although you don't owe anybody honesty or etiquette for that matter.

Onetoomanycornettos · 21/02/2011 09:28

That sounds great, I second everyone who says try to conceive now or at least a couple of months before the wedding if you are 35, I don't think waiting is a good idea at this stage.

I tried for a baby and decided to get married at the same time. I was 11 weeks when I got married and it didn't show at all, and I felt so excited that I had this new life inside me when I was starting out with my husband. Only my mum (and husband) knew.

Just get on and have the ceremony that you want when you want it. In a way, once you are in the wedding going mode, and have the outfit, you may as well fit in a few at once.

ValiumSandwich · 21/02/2011 09:28

ps

both times i came off the pill i was pregnant in about 24 hours. at 32 and 34 so not sure that coming off the pill before the wedding is ......... well, pasa lo que pase.

diddl · 21/02/2011 10:01

How about Easter time?

Get in there firstBlush

2rebecca · 21/02/2011 10:05

I don't understand people who decide to get married and then wait over a year. If you are going to get married get on with it.
Agree April, May or Sept are often better than July and August.
If some people can't come as busy/ too expensive then they don't come.

LaWeasel · 21/02/2011 10:10

I know you've said for September, but I think April/may is a good plan - people will understand not wanting a long engagement.

Sarsaparilllla · 21/02/2011 10:10

If you want to get married, just do it, as long as you don't organise it on the same date as the other weddings I don't see an issue

There will always be some people who can't make it anyway, don't try to please everyone, just do what you want to do

foreverondiet · 21/02/2011 10:16

Get on with it. Best not to have within a week of 2 of the other weddings but no there is no queue. Anyone who says otherwise is being selfish themselves.

I agree about coming off the pill - it took me 6 months to get back to normal - recommend using the book "taking charge of your fertility" - because if you start now by the time you get married you'll know which days each month are the best.

(But then I know other people who conceived within days of coming off the pill.)

Bogeyface · 21/02/2011 10:25

Whoever said you should wait is saying that for their own convenience, not because there is an ettiquette to this kind of thing!

Aslong as you dont deliberately pick the date that someone else is getting married on, then then I dont see the problem!

diddl · 21/02/2011 10:25

I think start TTC now & arrange your wedding for as soon as possible tbh.

Blush
GiddyPickle · 21/02/2011 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 21/02/2011 11:34

We decided to get married and then started ttc. Assumed it would take a long time due to dh's health problems so was a bit Shock when it happened straight away (in case this sounds braggy, I should say ttc #2 has never happened :( ) - so was pregnant at my wedding, the main downside being having to run out of the room just prior to the ceremony to have a wee, much to the consternation of my guests Grin

In summary, I agree - get on with it! Wink

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