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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to take my 4 yr out at 8pm?

45 replies

unlucky67 · 20/02/2011 15:31

My DP really likes football and wants to go out to watch the football on Tue nights.

DD1 has brownies that night and I have to pick her up at 8pm.
If he goes out I have to take DD2(4yo)with me (in the car) - we would be out about 30 mins getting back at approx 8.20pm.

AIBU saying that I don't think DP should go?

OP posts:

TheArmadillo · 20/02/2011 15:34

YABU its only one night a week

backwardpossom · 20/02/2011 15:34

Honestly, I think you are - it's only once a week. Just my opinion though...

ChildofIsis · 20/02/2011 15:36

YANBU I would not drag my dd out of bed at that time of night.

If he won't relent could you get a neighbour/friend to sit as it's only half an hour?

ChasingSquirrels · 20/02/2011 15:36

it is a pain, I had to do similar (though earlier) with ds2 when he was younger for ds1's Beavers.
Is there anyone you could do a lift share with - so you take to brownies and they do the pick-up? Even if you have to alternate it means only doing the later run once a fortnight instead of once a month.

Maria2007loveshersleep · 20/02/2011 15:38

What time does your DD normally sleep? To be honest, I agree 8pm is too late for a 4 yr old to go in a car.

diddl · 20/02/2011 15:39

What time does she normally go to bed & does she have to get up for school?

caughtinanet · 20/02/2011 15:42

What time does your 4yo normally go to bed ?

I'm on my own with the DCs most weeknights and if we need to be out later for one of them the youngest will come ready for bed, might fall alseep in the car and will be tucked up as the first job when I get back.

It doesn't seem like a huger problem, the football season will be over in 3 months.

zukiecat · 20/02/2011 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caughtinanet · 20/02/2011 15:42

sorry, huge problem

caughtinanet · 20/02/2011 15:44

Wow zuckiecat - well done on getting your 16yo in by 8pm. My 8yo is out that late in the summer and isn't the youngest one of the neighbours' children out at that time by any means.

bubbleymummy · 20/02/2011 15:45

My 4 yo doesn't go to bed until 8 anyway so it would be no big deal for us. Even if it was past his bedtime, it's only once a week and chances are he will fall asleep in the car. Sorry, I think YABU.

Original poster

unlucky67 · 20/02/2011 15:48

I did the car share thing last term but since Chrismas DD1 is now the oldest and will leave at Easter - so not easy to start up a new pool.
Hopefully after Easter when she's at guides I can start the turn taking again (especially because Guides doesn't finish until 9pm!)

DD2's bedtime is 8.30pm but honestly she is often up until 9pm except recently she has been crashing out earlier (7.30 to 8pm).

She does have to get up for school nursery but we live close so not until approx 7.45am...

OP posts:

NonnoMum · 20/02/2011 15:51

If he wants to go, get him to arrange and pay for a babysitter for the hour or so you are out.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2011 15:51

If he was working away, or you were a single mum, you would have to do it.

Its not really a big deal if it is only one night a week, and the footie season is nearly over too.

littleducks · 20/02/2011 15:55

I would put her in her pjamas, read her a story then set off, hopefully she we fall asleep in the car

Original poster

unlucky67 · 20/02/2011 15:58

Dp does often work in the evenings (shift work) - so I've asked him to take Tue nights off.
I take DD1 to jazz wich finishes at 7pm on Fri but 8pm I feel is just too late..I guess in summer it isn't too bad but in the cold dark winter...
A couple of weeks go he picked a fight with me over this and then stormed out ( a good excuse!) - I had to take DD2
DD1 is hyper after Brownies and got DD2 hyped up as well...ended with a massive overtired tantrum

OP posts:

ChasingSquirrels · 20/02/2011 16:04

I think he is being an arse - they are presumably his children too.
The fact that if you were single you would have to do it alone is hardly relevant - as you aren't single.
I am single, I do have to do it alone, it is still a pain in the neck, to me it would make it more annoying if I had a partner who could make mine and our children's lives easier - and who chose not to.

Easter isn't long and good luck with sorting out a new car share for Guides.

Original poster

unlucky67 · 20/02/2011 16:22

chasing squirrels - I think that is problem ... I'm struggling and I know he is in the pub If I was single etc I would have to deal with it but I'm not so I shouldn't have to...
He could go later and he can go any other day of the week...
Also putting her in her Pjs - I have to park on the road -we are on an estate off the road - and she is getting heavy I really struggle to carry her in if she falls alsleep... especially if I can't get a space nearby.
When it was snowing I wouldn't have taken DD1 if I had to take DD2 too...it was just too cold and miserable..

OP posts:

backwardpossom · 20/02/2011 16:25

Do you get out during the week at all? Maybe there could be a night when he has the responsibility for the kids while you're out doing something you want (I go to a running club twice a week, for example). If anything, it might make him realise what a hassle it is that he's out on a Tuesday?

pointydog · 20/02/2011 16:39

yanbu

Any compromises you would both be willing to take? What if he watches football every second weekend? Or he can't do it until you find someone to share the lifts with?

TheMonster · 20/02/2011 16:44

YABU. It's not that late.

FabbyChic · 20/02/2011 16:44

Considering kick offs are at 8pm what would be the point of him going later or only for the second half, he works lates all the time is he entitled to any respite from family/work at all?

You arranged the brownies so you have to work out yourself how it all works out. Considering your 4 year old does not go to bed until past the time you would have come home I fail to see what the problem is other than you wishing to control your dh every movement.

Are you also telling him when he can move his bowels?

tazmosis · 20/02/2011 16:48

YANBU - being a parent means compromising and going out every week when you know it has an impact on you child is selfish.

If it were a one off I think it would be fine, but not every week.

pointydog · 20/02/2011 16:48

If kivk off's at 8, he can drop off dd1 and then go to the pub. Nothing wrong with that.

Fabby, your post is ridiculous. You seem to be blaming the op for letting her dd go to brownies. She's not being overly controlling at all. She's trying to find a solution to a problem. You have no idea how much 'respite' her dh gets. Or how much the op gets.

EcoLady · 20/02/2011 16:54

I'm a Brownie leader for a pack that finishes at 8pm.

I have several girls collected by parents with a younger one in tow, often in PJs. I also have several where one parent delivers two and the other parent takes them both home. Could you ask the 'Brown Owl' to approach another parent for you if you don't know of anyone else to ask?

And for those who thank that 8pm is too late ... it suits those who can't make an early start! We have two packs in the village: one is 5.45 to 7.15 and one 6.30 to 8. That way both the early-to-bed and parent-doesn't-get-home-from-work-until-after-6 girls can be accomodated.

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