to be unhappy with how my friend returned baby clothes?

[choceyes]

One of my closest friends had a baby 3 months after I had my DS (they are now 2.3yrs and 2yrs). At the time I gave her lots of DS's outgrown clothes as she had a boy too. I gave her a big pile of newborn clothes, which she did return after using. Then I gave her a big bag of 3-6 month clothes.

Around the time her DS turned 6 months she moved from England to her home town of Ireland. I kind of expected her to have given me the clothes back before she went but she took them with her. I was happy about it cos I knew that she would be making trips back to England as her OH has family here.

When I gave her the clothes we weren't decided that we were going for number 2 and told her that it doesn't matter, she can keep the clothes as long as she wants, no hurry, cos we are not planning a baby anytime soon.

but I got pregnant unexpectedly and now have a 6 month old DD.

Last year when I was about 6 months pregnant when we talked and she mentioned that she had sent the clothes by post 3 weeks ago and had i received them? i was quite bemused by this as no I haven't received them and I wasn't expecting her to have sent the clothes by post. She had used her mum's free posting service from work. it was send by normal post and not tracked.

The clothes never reached me.

Am I being unreasonable for

1. being upset that the clothes have got lost. they were quite expensive clothes (PFB!) and I was looking forward to using them for my DD.
2. Thinking that she should have sent the clothes by tracked mail, or even better brought it to my house on one of her visits to England (she visited me a few months after she moved).
3. Thinking that at least an apology is in order. She has never apologised for losing my stuff, not even when I texted her saying how upset I was at losing them.
4. thinking that she should offer me some money towards new clothes?

I probably won't take the money, but it would have been nice to have the offer. I certainly would have done so if I did what she did. I would be mortified at the loss. She said that she will apply for compensation from the post office...this was nearly 9 months ago now and still haven't heard from her about it and even then the compensation money wouldn't have covered what I lent her.

I'm sad to have lost a good friend though over this. we still keep in touch via FB but we haven't spoken since April last year.

I honestly dont understand why people lend baby clothes and expect them back.

If you havent finished with them, keep them, if you have finished with them, GIVE them away.

By the time they have been worn a second time round, they will have shrunk a bit, worn a bit, faded a bit, so they are never going to come back to you in the same condition they were lent out.

If these clothes were so precious to you, then why did you lend them out?

TBH, I wouldnt have expected them back. They have been worn by two babies so were probably not fit for a third after all the stains, washing, shrinking etc.

Sad that you have lost a friend to something that was so easily replaced.

Um, a bit disappointing maybe, but it's just stuff.

She tried it return it to you, maybe not with all the precautions you would have liked, but she did try.

Let it go, really this would be my advise.

The lending and borrowing of stuff is always fraught with risks due to frailty of human nature. The forgetfulness of one person, the laziness of another, the disorganization of someone else, combined with the resentment and bitterness of another is a recipe for disaster.

In future maybe decide to never lend stuff if you can't accept the inherent risks of others crapness.

It is stuff, she tried but was ultimately a bit crap in your eyes. Let it go.

Ive to agree with Squeaky. If you were wanting them back why even lend at all, as after being worn and washed they would end up looking old.

She would have only got £41 in compensation.

yabu

entirely agree with squeakytoy and it is a nightmare borrowing anything from someone who turns out to be a pain in the backside about their stuff. which then makes me think there is some truth to the 'neither a borrower nor a lender be' saying. just give stuff with a light heart and ask it to be passed on when finished with, or hoard it in your house

noticed you have a dd - if you love clothes that much see this as an opportunity to spend lots of money on girl stuff this time round

see other current thread on returning moses basket...

I agree, dont lend clothes if you would want them back, as even if she had returned them to you they would not have been in the same state that you had lent them. Also, its not easy to remember the source of all of a babies clothes.

What use would boys clothes have been anyway if you had a daughter? I'm sure some bits and pieces would be "unisex", but surely most of it would have been more suited to a boy?

Think you should let this go and try and get your friendship back on track. Bit puzzled as to why you're still hanging onto this, particularly as you had a DD and the clothes were for a boy and had already been worn by two babies! YABVU.

Maybe your friend is bluffing? Maybe she has a very sicky baby who ruined alot of the clothes? I gave my sister loads for her DD as there was only 9 months between our girls and she promised at the time to give them back when she'd finished with them. She didn't as my niece was quite possibly the sickiest baby ever for the first 12 months. No big deal to me. I never asked for them back anyway.

I agree with squeakytoy- never lend things that you expect back. Clothes are always a risk with babies anyway as some are just very sicky and stuff gets spoilt.

In short YABU to fall out with anyone over baby clothes. I bet your friend wishes she'd never taken the stuff you in the first place and just got her own stuff.

1 YANBU
2 YABU
3 YABVU
4 YABVVU

I doubt 3-6 month clothes would be fit to be worn by the time 2 babies had worn them. In any case your second child wasn't even a boy. Sounds like you have taken offence for the sake of it.

OK maybe I was being unreasonale to expect the clothes back.

maybe other people aren't as careful when returning things like I would be.

Why lend in the first place?
Cos it's environmentaly friendly than buying new clothes and I gave them to her in good faith.

Just a "how would you like them returned?" would have been sufficient, even if it then did go missing. it's the lack of care that got to me and also the fact that she was unapolegetic.

Fudgegirl - I don't care about putting boys clothes on girls when they are 3-6 months old.

I think YANBU to be a bit sad, but YABU to fall out with your friend over this.

These things happen. I don't really expect to get stuff back... if it comes back its a bonus.

YABVVU

There is absolutely no way you can expect someone to return baby clothes imo.

Like others' said, they might have

1 - got sicked over/pooed over and too ruined to return
2 - got shrunk/faded/bobbled in the drier or the wash
3 - got ripped

Or she could simply not remember which ones where yours.

And maybe she is being honest and sent them by post. Either way, if you give baby clothes you should not expect to have them back.

It is sad - I reused quite a lot of ds abby clothes for dd. We borrowed some from my ex SIL and in one of our moves a whole bag went missing, before I could return them :( I still wake up wondering how/where sometimes. yanbu to feel woebegone but it is harsh to blame your friend when you chose to lend them. By now your dd would probably be too big anyway, so time to move on.

Ok then lesson learnt!

I've not fallen out with her as such, we've just not talked. I even sent her DS a birthday present recently, when she's not even bothered with either of mine.

YABU when you lend clothes you do have to allow for this, lost or stained clothes, they will not be in the condition that you lent them in. You had a dd not a boy, so like someone has said they would not really be suitable for a girl, unless you wanted her to look like a boy like Shiloh (Bandagilinas child) Is it worth the friendship? You have a new dd, so get her nice new things, ASDA, Tesco, Matalan do lovely clothes at affordable prices.

Boys clothes on a little girl that had already been worn by two other little boys though?

Fair enough it doesn't really matter what sex clothes you stick them in at that age, but the clothes would not only be boyish but they'd be knackered!

"Lost in the post" is the oldest trick in the book. She has probably binned them or they are in too much of a state to return them and she didnt want to say that.

Are you sure she knew they were a loan?

I dont know why people are saying they wouldnt be wearable after 2 babies, I managed to make clothes last longer than that, but some people maybe arent as careful as that!

I think trying to post them is actually a big effort to go to and you are ignoring this fact and focusing on what she didn't do, or could have done.

I suspect there maybe a woman in Ireland thinking she was given some baby clothes and only realised they were expected to be returned after friend was specifically asking, so made effort to pack them up and post them, friend was sniffy about this and seems to have taken great offence, and woman in Ireland feels she couldn't do right for doing wrong and now friend seems to have ended friendship over this misunderstanding about baby clothes, and woman in Ireland is very bemused and a little pissed off herself.

I can see why you are upset tbh but its not worth stressing yourself out over this .
She doesn't sound like a very good friend at all IMO .

you are being hugely unreasonable to expect her to give you money of them.

either a she hasnt sent them back but has thrown them away or wants to keep them and cant be bothered to tell you or she really did send them.