to think that I should be forced out of my own home to allow the PILs to visit.......

[HateThePILs]

A little scene setting:
DH and I are not getting on, probably should consider counselling or splitting up
PILs have always been awful to me, having a go at me about things when DH is not around but never saying anything to him
MIL told DH to block my access to his bank account
FRom the start MIL has praised DH's exes, FIL has been a crude, rude sexist twat (wondered if babies would be sucking my tits...)
PILs have never respected this as my home, always thought of it as DH's and therefore would never ask if it was okay to come just turn up for the weekend, which was Thursday to Tuesday...they would also bring pets.

So after enduring 12 years of this shit, including being made to feel like the outsider in my own home, I have said enough's enough and I didn't want to spend another second in their company. DH and I are just about staying together and they make everything worse. However DCs love their GPs and so DH can take them to visit (petrol money allowing) and they can visit when I have other plans.

So with Dcs birthday coming up there's no spare money and so I've nowhere to go and DH told his parents they can visit next weekend. I don't mind when I can go and visit my friend for the weekend, but have no money. I think he should wait until I can be elsewhere at my pleasure not forced out of my own house.

I have a well known mil prob so i know how hard it is to say they cant come-and my dh is lovely.My suggestion is that you take yourself off with dcs.Can you stick it on a credit card?
The situation with your dh abuse is really inacceptable but then you know that dont you?
What are you getting from this marriage,have a chat with womens aid its not as hard as you think to get out of this.

Do you want your children to feel that way about you?

Do you want them to accept it in their relationships?

Do you think that if you hadn't been exposed to it as a child that you would accept this treatment?

And it's not just about the kids. you matter. your happiness matters. Money doesn't matter more than a life where you are treated with love and respect.

Perhaps you think that verbal abuse is not 'bad' because of what you grew up with. Maybe you think that it's part of a normal relationship. It is bad. It's not normal.

Poor you. Good luck. Lots of good advice already given on this thread. Stay strong.

Honey you are not depressed, you are OPRESSED.

Please call Women's Aid, please get advice, CAB.

You can apply for an occupation order, and also a charge over the property.

I know what you mean when you say when you say you feel stupid. That if we met you we'd never know.

That's because you are a strong woman, that is being bullied by 3 people, they are ganging up on you. Your DD is only little, but she could be pulled in to the gang, and then you'd have 4 against you.

Short term, stand your ground. Don't you DARE let them bully you another second, and start to put into action the end of this tryanny. You are about to stage a revolution in your own life, you are about to topple your own dictatorship!

WHEN you get them out of your life, WHEN you are free, all those hopeless feelings (that are throwbacks from your childhood btw) will go, and you will shed the skin of this monster, to become a beautiful butterfly once again!

My 'H' was nasty, conniving and cruel, he didn't hit me much, but I've been called all the names, belittled in front of pretty much everyone he could get away with doing it in front of, and had all the manipulative tricks in the book thrown at me. I packed him off at the airport last week.

I felt like a fool, prize-winningly stupid in fact. How could I have allowed all that to happen? For so long??? Arghhh

My DS is 5, I was scared he'd grow up thinking I had to be shouted at. I wanted more for him, a happy, relaxed home, not one that is tense, scared and subdued.

OK it's early days, but I already feel less idiotic, I do have a ton of people on here and in RL to tell me that I'm doing the right thing, and that really helps.

I am beginning to realise that he really has gone, that I don't need to worry if I left a cup out. It's reassuring to bolt the door and put the chain on at night and know that he won't be back.

Don't let history repeat itself, please, be brave and stop this.

Whatever it takes, whatever you need from us, please shout and we will hold your virtual hand to get you though this.

Courage Girl, you can do this.

Argh, Oppressed!

God I hope you're ok today...people are gunning for you OP. Be strong. Your life will be better soon...you will be amazed at your own strength.

OP you need to get yourself & your DC out of this situation before it gets worse.

Could your friend lend you some money to go see her for the weekend to avoid PILs? Does your friend know of your situation?

Thinking of you OP, as Teenybitsad said, be strong, you need to be.

Oh dear. Like others I also think you should get out of this relationship. Your PIL are the least of your problems.

YANBU at all, yes the gandchildren should see their grandchildre and vice versa, but the op has a right to not be abused verbally in her own home, and should not have them if they are going to do as such. What example is this setting the dcs. It does sound like you should break from this toxic relationship, after 12 years your husband does not stick up for you and lets this go on .

Run for the hills OP! And under no circumstances go abroad with your OH to work.

Your OH sounds like an abusive bully, as do his parents.

After reading more op its not your fault, nothing is, dont feel embarrassed you have nothing to feel ashamed for, run, run as fast as you can imo. Yes tell him to go alone abroad to work, nothing worse being stuck in an abusive relationship in a different unfamiliar country with nobody around to help. Sounds like your husband has learned a lot from his vile parents. Dragged up!

Go for help tomorrow, Womens Aid, CAB

It's my husband who's namecalled not his parents. Sorry to dip in and out, I do appreciate the advice.

Please dont stay, you have to put your dd and you first. What is she learning from all this, it will be like history repeating itself.

I also have older children....and I know you're right I should leave, or rather he should.

No one expects you to come straight back and say "guess what? I kicked him out/left him". You know what you should do, but doing it is another matter.

I genuinely believe that some people who have been abusive are capable of change, but this man does not sound like he is.

It's a long road of realisation, if I do not act then I know I am complicit in any damage to my children. But for the next few months I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. At least if the children hate me for splitting the family in the short term that by doing so I am doing the best for their long term happiness, and mine.

Gosh I can't even write coherent sentences.

I agree with Georgimama but certainly do it before he works abroad, you dont want to be stuck in a different country, no friends or family in an abusive relationship. Use that as the opportunity to break free, meanwhile go to those agencies that others on here recommend to get help, and your affaires sorted out.

Get legal advice too, and set up your own bank account, and put money in that gradually so you have something to fall back on.

thanks

What piglet said. I saved up for years to leave my ex. Just try and get enough together so the first few months won't be too much of a struggle.

find out who you could stay with or if not woman shelter and they will then help you get permanent accommondation and seek benefits that you could be entitled to.

Oh you poor woman tolerating this. I hope you gather the strength to realise this cannot go on and that something must change. Speak to people - women's aid and Citizens Advice Bureau and talk to your RL friends. You'll be amazed at the support you will get once they realise all is not well and you need help. Good luck getting away from this abuse. And taking your children away from it too before they see all this as the normal way to behave. (and no you might not do it this week or next - but at least start the plan. Start moving towards getting away)

Your Father In Law even mentioning "Sucking tits" in reference to you is alarming.

Fuckin' 'ell are they clampetts or somat?