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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that dh should get up at 7am every day

33 replies

mummytopebs · 20/02/2011 07:34

I sleep with dd as she has medical problems which mean I have to keep a close eye on her. She does not sleep well at all waking around 6 times a night and even though she is 1 she still has a night feed. Take last night for instance she was awake from 11pm till 2am. Then tossed and turned crying out and waking up, then woke up for the morning at 6am.

I ask him to get up at 7am (when she is sick of watching tv in bed) as I have about zero sleep a night. In the week he makes me feel a bit guilty (he goes to work at 8 so I get up at 7.30) but on a weekend I get mega guilt trip, and I do feel awful about asking him but in a way think its only fair as I am awake practically all night.

OP posts:

Maria2007loveshersleep · 20/02/2011 07:38

YANBU, you certainly deserve two massive lie ins on the weekend! If he's the one who gets a good night's sleep during the week AND over the weekend, that's completely unfair & you should be very clear about this.

I know it's hard though, there are a few people who just hate hate hate getting up in the morning, if your DH is like that it'll be hard getting the message across, but you're certainly right to try.

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 07:39

As a fellow up-early-on-a-Sunday-er I sympathise, but if he's at work for early all through the week,you can see why he'd like a lie in at the weekend?

Presumably you could doze through the day when your baby sleeps?

Do you take it in turns for a weekend lie in?

alicet · 20/02/2011 07:41

YANBU. You are going to fall over if this continues without any sort of respite and your dh needs to know that if this happens then it will be a lot worse for you as he will have to do it all!

Another alternative if he values his lie ins so much is that you each have 1 lie in at the weekend but you also each do 1 night with dd. That way at least you get a night to sleep.

I'm presuming you don't work in all of this - if you do then he should be sharing the night shifts anyway.

janajos · 20/02/2011 07:43

We take it in turns to lie in at the weekend. Then we both feel a little more rested. We have 3 children from 13 to 20 months and the little one wakes very early and sometimes still in the night. We both get up at 6.30am during the week to get to work and so this works well for us.

I would not ask my DH to get up twice at the weekend, but would really look forward to MY day!!

PavlovtheCat · 20/02/2011 07:43

with a child with medical problems, who needs a bit more night care than if she did not, you are not asking for a 'lie-in'. You are asking for your DH to support you in helping with this care. In the week he goes to work, and at night you care for DD. At the weekends you should share your 'lie-ins' as he has to also make sacrifices to share the role in caring for the child you both have. Yes, he would like a lie-in at the weekends. But so would you. I don't think it has to be either or, it is about sharing.

YANBU.

Original poster

mummytopebs · 20/02/2011 07:44

Yes we do take it in turns. I work part time to so cant really doze especially with dd's busy hectic social life of mother and toddler etc lol.

I know its prob unfair to ask him to get up everyday its just I am sick of being tired and can honestly say I dont think I will ever get a full nights undisturbed sleep again!!

And I cope with tiredness better than dh, it would be unbearable if he slept with dd and got undisturbed sleep

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 20/02/2011 07:45

so he might forfeit lie-ins, but he gets a full nights sleep every day.

PavlovtheCat · 20/02/2011 07:46

I don't think you need to take turns. Your turn is at night!

detoxdiva · 20/02/2011 07:46

YANBU! You are both getting up to work during the week, yes he's going to work at 8am but you're also getting up to care for your dd at 7.30 so a full day for both of you! You should at least take it in turns for a weekend lie in.

Original poster

mummytopebs · 20/02/2011 07:46

And we only get sunday when a proper lie in is possible as dh works sat morning :(

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 20/02/2011 07:46

and you are working p/t too! yes he should definitely get up then!

GreenEyesandHam · 20/02/2011 07:47

Sorry OP, just slapped myself on the wrists there for assuming you didn't work

AngelsOnHigh · 20/02/2011 07:48

She's 1 and watching TV in bed?

Do you actually sleep in the same bed as her. Maybe that's why she is so restless.

Couldn't she sleep in a cot next to your bed?

If DH is up early everyday then he deserves a sleep in on the weekend. At least on Saturday or Sunday.

As somone else said, can't you have some Nanna naps during the day.

Hopefully her medical problems are ones that can be resolved and things will get better for you. It can't be much fun not even being ale to sleep with DH. He probably resents this a bit as well.

PavlovtheCat · 20/02/2011 07:49

detox you say take it in turns, but what sacrifices does OPs DH have to make to his sleep? OP copes but tbh, does she actually have a choice about that? she can't not cope because her DH needs his sleep more.

AngelsOnHigh · 20/02/2011 07:50

Sorry, didn't see where you said you work part time.

Do you really need all that "hectic mother and toddler" stuff. Maybe some quiet time at home instead would be much better.

Original poster

mummytopebs · 20/02/2011 07:51

Yes I have to sleep in the same bed as her as her cot would not fit in our bedroom. Dh does not resent that we do not sleep in the same bed as DD needs additional support during the night.

I might have an hours sleep today at some point but not possible during the week unfortunatly

OP posts:

AngelsOnHigh · 20/02/2011 07:56

It does sound as though he might have to get up earlier to give you a chance to sleep in.

Who looks after DD while you are working? Does she have the same problems sleeping during the day as she has at night.

defineme · 20/02/2011 07:57

Does he actually realise how much you are up in the night?
He's a grown man with responsibilities-he needs to do his fair share.
If this were my dh (who leaves at 745) he would be doing at least one full night and morning at the weekend and he would do some late evenings in the week too. My dh is a fair man and it's unreasonable to expect anything less of your dh.
When dh and I had baby twins and a 2 year old we were like a tag team-the key word being team. Imo that's what you sign up for in a marriage. I hope very much that he does some nights-saying he can't cope would be very very immature.

PlentyOfParsnips · 20/02/2011 07:57

I think he should do one of the weekend night shifts. He works Saturday mornings so if he did Friday night, yes, he'd be tired on Saturday (just like you are tired on your work days) but he could catch up on Saturday afternoon. Then he could have a lie-in on Sunday, or better still, take it in turns. Probably you only cope with tiredness better because you have to.

AngelsOnHigh · 20/02/2011 08:02

Georgeous photos of your DD.

No wonder you are trying to be supermum, protecting your little one.

defineme · 20/02/2011 08:04

It's such utter rubbish to say that some people cope and some people can't with no sleep. We all could do with 8 hours.

You need to look at your schedules and work out something fairer. He needs to sleep with his dd at some point-I assume he'd know what to do if you were incapable of looking after her for some reason?

Original poster

mummytopebs · 20/02/2011 08:09

She goes to nursery for 2 days during the week and I work those 2 days and 2 evenings. To be honest she doesnt sleep much during the day anyway, about 50 mins.

OP posts:

AngelsOnHigh · 20/02/2011 08:13

Does DH look after DD when you work evenings?

spidookly · 20/02/2011 08:14

He "deserves" a lie in at the weekend because he gets up early all week?

Jesus.

He's a grown man with a sick child.

He "deserves" to do his part.

It never ceases to amaze me what people feel men are entitled to just because they have a job.

Rhadegunde · 20/02/2011 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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