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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children next door

51 replies

BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 15:14

AIBU?

I have a young family on one side who seem to wake up about 6.30 every day, then run round shrieking and banging - they have wooden floors and it really echoes, invariably waking me up. It's bearable during the week, but it's getting really annoying at weekends as I have a long commute, a busy job and I so value my lie-ins. Ear plugs don't block out the noise.

Now I discover a single dad will be moving in the other side with a baby and a toddler. It's an Edwardian Terrace and the walls are really thin - I could hear my previous neighbours coughing!

Should I confront the neighbours on the other side? Am I right to rather dread what might happen noise-wise on the other?

I have a real, real issue unfortunatley with noise and had a bad expereince with very noisy neighbours years ago.

AIBU? What should I do?

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 19/02/2011 15:16

I feel for you. Neighbour's noise can be a nightmare. I would imagine though that you will get lots of comments on here seeing, "kids will be kids" etc. However, if your neighbours were young students playing music, posters would sympathise! I don't see the difference. Noise is noise. Maybe just have a quiet word saying the noise wakes you up?

readywithwellies · 19/02/2011 15:18

YABU.

Given the walls are thin on your own admission I don't see how you can change this situation.

Personally I would see you as hypersensitive and suggest you move somewhere where the walls are thicker or into a detached property.

When I looked for a property, noise was an issue for me and so I compromised on location for detached.

The noise you describe is normal and in a terrace you would expect young families with children

Ooopsadaisy · 19/02/2011 15:18

If you can hear them then they can probably hear your dcs/music/arguments/shagging etc.

I'd get a builder to advise on sound-proofing and then get the neighbours to all have it done and split the cost.

That way you all benefit.

catzcream · 19/02/2011 15:18

move

HowFuckingRude · 19/02/2011 15:19

What Ooopsadaisy* said :)

redpanda13 · 19/02/2011 15:20

YABU - if you are so sensitive to noise you should not have moved into a terraced property with paper thin walls.

DoingTheBestICan · 19/02/2011 15:22

If they have all wooden floors then maybe they could put some rugs down to try & muffle the noise a little.

OmniaParatus · 19/02/2011 15:23

Are you or they in social housing? It may be possible to speak to the LL or HA about some kind of soundproofing (you might need to get a noise monitor from Environmental Health to prove noise levels first). The only alternative if you own your house would be to take steps to soundproof your bedroom.

I wouldn't raise it with your neighbours- it is nearly impossible to stop kids making noise unfortunately, and you will only end up making enemies. I sympathise as I live in a terrace with poor soundproofing, I have 2 young kids, next door have one, and there is a lot of noise. The neighbours on the other side have older kids but have never complained about the noise from us, and I try to keep it down as I really appreciate their tolerance.

I too had a bad experience with antisocial noisy neighbours, so I can understand that, but I really think in your case it is poor soundproofing to blame, not unreasonable behaviour from your neighbours. Good luck.

tinierclanger · 19/02/2011 15:23

Yanbu to be bothered, but what do you think they might be able to do? Young children just do get up early and make noise. Noise is the big downside of terraces isn't it?

Hardandsleazy · 19/02/2011 15:23

The issue here seems to be the sound proofing . Can you get any ? Assuming that they really aren't going mad here this does sound Like normal family life and I am afraid I am at a loss as to what your neighbours should do (whilst I can appreciate that running an screaming isn't ideal it's not something that I would imagine your neighbours encourage). I do have some sympathy as kids nect door sound like house is going yo fall down as they are quite boisterous bu have learned to ignore it.

MerryMarigold · 19/02/2011 15:28

Is that our family?! Blush

I am so aware of the noise we make, and am always asking the kids (and dh!) to be quiet, but it's almost impossible for them. They are 5yrs old and 2yr old twins. We do have carpeting upstairs though. I am sure it's dd's shrieking which pierces the walls. I know it must be hard cos the noise drives me bananas sometimes and they are my own kids!

I would suggest you move your bedroom so it is on the opposite side of the house from the noisy family. Also look into soundproofing your walls. I'm sure there must be something you can buy. The single dad may be fine, he may have an older child, and if only 1 child, the noise is definitely more bearable.

I don't think it will work to ask the family next door to tone it down. It's genuinely impossible, and will make them feel bad/ upset. Also, it's not their fault if you have noise issues. I'd see if you can improve the situation and if not, then sell up 'n go.

Original poster
BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 15:40

No am not in social housing, but neither can I afford to move to a detached house - ideal though that would, of course,be!

As to my own situation, I live alone, so no sex or arguments and never have anythign on very loud as am ultra-cautious about disturbing people.

The thinness of the walls only became apparent when I moved in unfortunately. I've always lived in terraced properties or flats. Am surprised single dad and kids have bought next door as there's no garden - well, ok, a 'courtyard garden' Grin

Loud music would be infinitely worse. I really don't want to be intolerant or grumpy, or as someone said, make enemies.

Sound proofing does seem to be the best way to go if it gets amy more problematic.

Would welcome any more input.

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 15:43

Oh -and only moved in last August - do not want to move again. Even if I did, you can never guarantee people will not move on and be replaced by others, can you?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 15:51

Hmmmm ... I grew up in a semi, and the stairs were in the middle.. so next doors stairs ran next to us, with just the wall separating them.

If the house was quiet, you could easily hear someone running down the stairs (1907 built house.. with solid walls but even so, you could hear the noise).

As children we were taught from being able to walk NOT to run in the house. If you ran you got told off.

Jumping around on the stairs was also a big !no-no.

So in answer to the op, I would probably make a light hearted comment first about hearing the kids running up and down early in a morning. You may be lucky and have a neighbour who would react like my parents would, and like we would, and be considerate of our neighbour, and therefore curb the childrens running around indoors and especially so early.

mewantcookiesmenocanwait · 19/02/2011 15:57

Don't raise it with your neighbours as there's absolutely nothing they can do. As you say, it's a soundproofing issue, rather than them being antisocial. (And I say this as someone with absolutely no tolerance for my neighbours' entirely reasonable noise at all!)

We soundproofed our living room wall using Soundstop boards and it's made a massive difference. You can just about do it as a DIY project if you're reasonably handy, although the boards are VERY heavy. It's not cheap, though, and although it cuts down the noise a lot it doesn't completely eliminate it (particularly not impact noise), so if you've got to the point where you're sensitised to every tiny noise I'm not sure whether you'd find it satisfactory.

Kerrianne · 19/02/2011 16:00

Roughly how old are the kids nextdoor?

HowFuckingRude · 19/02/2011 16:02

Even if I did, you can never guarantee people will not move on and be replaced by others, can you?

Exactly. The noisy family might move out and be replaced by a sweet couple of OAPS who are deaf as posts and have their TV full blast and communicate by shouting!

I think that if you are otherwise happy in your house then soundproofing is the only real option here.

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 16:03

Don't raise it with your neighbours as there's absolutely nothing they can do

nonsense... the parents can make their children walk indoors not run!

gardens, parks, playgrounds, sports centres etc are for running in... people walk inside houses...even children.

BlooCowWonders · 19/02/2011 16:26

'people walk inside houses...even children'.
I don't! I always have to run up and down stairs!!!

squeakytoy · 19/02/2011 16:28

you dont have to .. you choose to. :)

LifeInTheSlowLane · 19/02/2011 16:37

Sorry Bella, but young families do tend to get up early, shriek and bang! On the plus side, they don't tend to stay up late playing music or sitting in the garden chatting loudly till 4am. I've been there and I know how hard it can so I do sympathise but I don't think there's much you can do. Is there any way you can rearrange rooms so that you are less disturbed in the mornings? Also, everyone is different - the single dad and kids might be super quiet for all you know. Our next door neighbours have a toddler but we never hear a peep from them.

PorcelinaOfTheVastOceans · 19/02/2011 16:41

i don't think YABU about the shrieking at 6.30 in the morning, a quick friendly word with the parents wouldn't be out of order i don't think. you'd have to be prepared for it to maybe not make a jot of difference though...
i totally agree with squeakytoy i don't allow sprinting children in my house!

when i living with my parents the family next door bought a piano and positioned it against the wall that my bedroom joined onto. almost every morning at 6am the 4 and 8yr would be smashing the keys... Angry
luckily i was in the process of moving in with DP so didn't have to put up with it for long!

BoffinMum · 19/02/2011 16:47

I've had people complain about my kids (who are on the quiet side of average) and I've also been on the receiving end of noisy neighbours, both adult and child.

All you can do is soundproof your home as best as possible, perhaps taking advice from professionals, and make friends with the children so they start to understand who is living near them and what their needs are. It's really difficult though.

Ultimately you will find yourself moving again, I imagine.

northerngirl41 · 19/02/2011 16:55

I have to say, these people are probably entirely oblivious to the fact that you can hear them. Pop round with some nice biscuits and introduce yourself, explain that the noise is an issue and get them to listen to the noise from your bedroom.

We had upstairs neighbours who removed a carpet on their stairs and who were horrified to hear the clunking in our flat when we demonstrated.

There are loads of things the parents could do - put down rugs, move the kids bedrooms round so they aren't directly above yours, simply moving their beds away from the shared wall might even help.

If that doesn't work, and if they are social tenants, you can often persuade the housing association to rehouse them somewhere more suitable. We had a single dad next door to us and after having to call the police about 3 times in one week due to late night parties, and him damaging the front door lock twice, the housing association agreed that housing him in private landlord accommodation where people had to get up for work in the morning was not going to work. They were really nice about it and we got a lovely little old lady instead.

Mutt · 19/02/2011 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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