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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children next door

51 replies

BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 15:14

AIBU?

I have a young family on one side who seem to wake up about 6.30 every day, then run round shrieking and banging - they have wooden floors and it really echoes, invariably waking me up. It's bearable during the week, but it's getting really annoying at weekends as I have a long commute, a busy job and I so value my lie-ins. Ear plugs don't block out the noise.

Now I discover a single dad will be moving in the other side with a baby and a toddler. It's an Edwardian Terrace and the walls are really thin - I could hear my previous neighbours coughing!

Should I confront the neighbours on the other side? Am I right to rather dread what might happen noise-wise on the other?

I have a real, real issue unfortunatley with noise and had a bad expereince with very noisy neighbours years ago.

AIBU? What should I do?

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 19/02/2011 17:21

We live in a terrace and I was very worried neighbours would hear dd screaming the house down (3 months of colic) but they always told me she must be so good as they never hear her. One has 2 dogs but I rarely hear them. Your neighbour may not realise the noise but 6.30am for kids is pretty standard so I'm not sure what you expect her to do about it.

We're not morning people so I do sympathise - dd is 3 and isn't allowed up until 7am and is pretty quiet, but I'm not sure what you can do other than ear plugs. Or start drilling at 6.30am and wait for them to complain.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 19/02/2011 18:07

I don't get why some people think that kids running around shrieking at 6.30am is acceptable. If mine had done that when they were little I'd have been pissed off. My kids got up early but they weren't allowed to shriek or run up and down stairs.

I so love how some posters on mn seem to think that everyone has the money to buy a house with thick walls, in the middle of a field, with no other houses within a couple of miles.

OP YANBU

Original poster
BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 18:48

Thanks everyone. I bumped into a lovely neighbour just now who just happens to live underneath this family ( don't try and work it out - the houses round here are all higgledy piddeldy due to the steep hills!)

Lovely neighbour is very ill with MS, gets very tired and needs to rest a lot and has been apparently driven half way to insanity by these people - apparently the problem has been going on for five years and they have been in short, despicable to her; refusing any form of negotiated compromise such as joint payment for sound proofing or changing the bedrooms around so the kids are not directly above her bedroom ( they are a well to do family of four in a 5 bedroom house - my neighbour can't work due to her MS and has a one bedroom place beneath.) The woman also harried and upset lovely neighbour knowing that she ahd been recently and tragically bereaved.

I didn't mention the noise to anyone else before as I had a feeling it was me being a grumpy old bugger and I don't like to gossip. But, apparentlyI was not being gow at all.

There is some very good news though. Their house is on the market! And, I feel so much better about myself but wish I had mentioned this to my neighbours sooner.

I also feel bad that I may have allowed me to prejudice my feelings towards my other neighbour and his children who has not yet even moved in.

So I put a welcome to new home card through his door for him and his kids.

OP posts:
youngjoly · 19/02/2011 18:52

OP I don't think YABU to be annoyed at the noise - but then again, I don't think you can dictate what other people do in their homes either.

Unfortunately, it is a downside that you have to accept when you buy a terraced house - it is a risk you take.

That said, I think violin practice is a bit much, and perhaps you can ask them to be a bit quieter first thing? It is reasonable to ask I think.

Alternatively, unless you are in a one bed house, is there another room you can sleep in at the weekends, so that you are less disturbed?

Original poster
BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 19:04

Thankfully violin practice is not part of the mix -must be another poster.

OP posts:
Original poster
BellaMagnificat · 19/02/2011 19:05

It was Mutt. :)

OP posts:
mercibucket · 19/02/2011 19:10

you should most definitely just cough up the money for sound proofing - or move. either way, it's the only way you're going to be happy about the situation.

MerryMarigold · 19/02/2011 21:53

"nonsense... the parents can make their children walk indoors not run!"

Squeakytoy, your house doesn't sound like much fun! We have more giggles than running, but no doubt even that is annoying at 6.30am at the weekend.

fluffygal · 19/02/2011 22:17

Oh god you'd hate living next door to me, its very hard to keep 4 under 6's quiet in the mornings! I do have to tell them off every morning because they are being too noisy and I do feel guilty about the neighbours, I just hope they realise I am trying to get them to be quieter and not just leaving them to it! We have just gone on the market too so I am sure both sides will have a party when we finally move, lol! TBH thats the main reason we are moving, I am getting so stressed out trying to keep them quiet and would like less neighbours to worry about.

TheCrackFox · 19/02/2011 22:26

TBH if you don't feel like moving (can't blame you) it might be worth saving up for decent sound proofing. Yes, children can be noisy but they might be replaced with students which, IMO is a million times worse.

For the first time in my adult life I am living in a semi detached house (after years of flat dwelling) and it is lovely. Children are not too noisy compared with neighbours who have a serious drink problem and like to wake the whole block up with a noisy argument at 3am or students who would have parties till 5am. I used to have to get up at 5.30am for work!

I did used to have early risers and we used to sedate them with Cbeebies.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 19/02/2011 22:38

Blimey if ear plugs don't block the noise then it must be bad - I put mine in when I have a lie-in and our 2 ds's (2 and 5) and DH who is a noisy bugger in the same house don't wake me.

I really hope that they sell quickly and you get some nice quiet neighbours. but I think this might be unlikely if it's a big house

enimod · 20/02/2011 10:22

we probably are yourneighbours my 4 year old wakes very early and is very noisy. my neightbour has mentioned it too us and i really try to keep him quiet today he was up before six and full of energy- consequently we were out the door by 730 and at the local park! all to please the neighbour!!
how much is sound proofing? would does it entail?

BoffinMum · 20/02/2011 10:27

I had a completely unworldly neighbour once who used to holla from the back door, "Toby! Daisy! Breakfast!" (as early as 5.45 am on occasion) and proceed to feed her children noisily at the table in their back garden about 5 metres from our bedroom window. I wanted to shoot them all but DH said it was probably illegal.

mummysweeangel · 20/02/2011 13:13

This is a tricky one.... We live in an upper cottage flat, our DS is 2 years old , and we are up early mon-friday- as Dad gets up for work at 6.30am and my bodyclock has always been timed to get up at that time from working full time since i left school.

Anyway.....we have an elderly lady that lives down the stairs, she is approx 60 years ago, she has her 40 year old daughter and her boyfriend living with her and i can tell they get pissed off with my son running and jumping and playing etc ..

The daughters bedroom is below ours and she constantly slides her wardrobe doors back and forth slamming them shut if my sons been running around and slamming the other doors in the house shut. Seems to only happen when my sons been running and playing. Now...she is a 40 year old woman, behaving like a spoilt child. Its unnacceptable. And at the end of the day its hard to stop my DS from running around having fun and playing when he is only 2.

Galdem · 20/02/2011 13:15

Sympathies, but what do you expect them to do, really? 6.30am isn't the middle of the night, and their children are young.

sloggies · 20/02/2011 13:27

Just a thought before you consider resorting to the more expensive option of soundproofing - books are quite good at absorbing noise. Have you got room on the adjoining wall to have a wall of bookshelves - from Ikea or wherever - and buy a load from a charity shop/boot sale if you don't have enough already?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 20/02/2011 15:58

6.30am may not be the middle of the night but it's too early for screaming/shrieking and running around.

CityGirls · 20/02/2011 16:10

I agree with Squeakytoy and Northerngirl. There's no harm in having a quiet word with them and even better if you go there armed with treats! You sound like a nice neighbour to have, nice and quiet. But, think about how quickly they'd be knocking on your door if you had friends round partying until all hours of the morning. I doubt they would be so tolerant. At the end of the day it's give and take and respect for each other and I'm sure they would not take offence if you approach them about it.

mercibucket · 20/02/2011 19:16

they probably would take offense

my neighbours did this to us. they sit in complete silence in the house and then complain about the children going up and down the stairs.

it pissed me off

northerngirl41 · 20/02/2011 19:20

mercibucket as a reasonable person did you not try and sort the noise problem though? It's all very well to say "Well I don't think it's that noisy" but it might sound like a herd of elephants in their flat. Accoustics are a funny thing.

mercibucket · 20/02/2011 19:26

we have been incredibly polite about it (naturally Grin ) and I now spend all my time bollocking the kids if they stamp up the stairs. we also spend most of the weekend outside of the house because that is when they get pissed off. we never invite the kids friends round at weekends. it is quite exhausting. then they came round again last weekend to complain again after I'd spent the afternoon with the kids in their bedrooms tidying and hoovering (sigh) If that is the noise they complain about, it really is just 'living' noise. I'm also going to get new carpet with thicker underlay on the stairs in the hope this might help
but
tbh, they sit in a house with no noise at all - no background music, no tv on, nothing. so obv noise is more noticeable.
we get on well overall and I try hard but I am pissed off about it. i now get dh to speak to them cos I don't want to lose my temper. I want to tell them to just buy soundproof boards if it winds them up that much
sigh again

mercibucket · 20/02/2011 19:27

it's a semi btw and they also find the neighbours on the other side (ie not actually attached to their house) to be too noisy (in their house, not the garden)

double sigh

abenstille · 20/02/2011 19:30

Bookcases full of books on the adjoining walls are great for some cheap soundproofing!!

mercibucket · 20/02/2011 19:35

maybe buy them a few books for xmas then Grin

sandyballs · 20/02/2011 19:37

My kids were never allowed to run about and scream early in the morning. Its a basic consideration of others IMO.