Step father telling ds to keep a secret

[BurningBuntingFlipFlop]

Bit of background, i bought my dh an xbox for christmas and my ds (aged 3.8) the toy story game. Little did i know that he would quickly become obsessed with it, even though he can't properly play it, and want it all constantly.

Because of this i limited it to a friday evening to play with daddy. If it were up to him he'd play it 24/7, literally.

Dm and StepD were here this aft and after they left ds got really upset, i asked what was wrong and he tearfully said he wanted to tell me something but grandad said "don't tell your mum" Turns out it was that he said when we move (they're moving nearby) you can play toy story at our house but don't tell your mummy i said that.

Ds was really upset as he wanted to tell me because we don't do secrets but didn't want to becuse his grandad had said not to.

I text my mum saying i was upset that a. he had undermined me and b. it's not a good idea to tell a 3 year not to tell their mummy something.

She didn't get it, i explained that i didn't think secrets were good for a toddler for worrying and abuse reason, to a toddler if grandad who i love and trust tells me to not tell my mum something some random pervert saying the same doesn't seem so strange.

Dm and strpdad are now really upset with me, who's right? am i being ott?

YANBU. Children should never be told to keep secrets and your SD was wrong to do that. Your DM is wrong not to understand why your DS was upset too.

Sadly, there will always be times when our parents might not agree with how we raise our own DC. But you know in your heart you are right and when I was once faced with a dilemma like this I made sure people realised that when it came to raising my DC I would not be questioned. I knew what was best and I wouldn't accept being undermined. They either agree to my rules or they don't spend time unsupervised.

lol oops I'm tired and didn't spot age of thread

I think,it was meant as an innocent, grandparent-ty treat. I'm sure he didn't mean for your dc to be upset by having to keep a secret.

Frigging zombie troll yet again?

YADNBU.

"Dm and strpdad are now really upset with me" So beit, let them be upset, how stupid of the both, tell them to get in touch when they know why their behaviour was out of order.

"who's right?" You.

" am i being ott?" No, your step dad is an idiot.

ConstanceFelicity "It doesn't make them more susceptible to abuse." Except that, of course, we do all use that example of not accepting sweets from strangers etc! And although at one time we could have said people were a bit paranoid to see child abusers around every corner, sadly, it does seem to be a lot more prevalent than many of us could have guessed. So anyone who tells you child to keep a secret from their parent is indeed undermining the parent and that is dangerous.

psychoveggie "YABVU in the way you dealt with it, it was clearly said with the best of intentions..." How is encouraging a child to do something a parent does not want them to do and then encouraging the child to lie about it ever with the best of intentions?

PeachyPossum "I thought this was a GP job, to over indulge them & keep it their secret?...Nice that your SD wants to spend time with DS." That's a really old fashioned idea, isn't? Totally undermining parents and I am not sure I would want my child being with someone who wanted to undermine me.

BurningBuntingFlipFlop "I was just angry that my ds was in tears because he didn't know whether to tell me something. I reacted. If he'd not been upset i probably wouldn't have ever brought it up." The it is good he was upset because you absolutely should have taken this up with them. I am not sure I would have gone down the texting route, a call would have been better, IMHO but I think you are right to challenge this.

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