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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have wanted to slap this busybody?

63 replies

Mahraih · 18/02/2011 18:03

DS is 8 days old, and we are having building work done in the house. Nothing major, but it was a bit loud. DS has one FF a day (otherwise BF) so at FF time I thought we'd escape to the coffee shop just round the corner for a bit.

In the middle of the feed, a woman came and sat down opposite me. She didn't say hello, just, "Is he yours?"

So I replied, 'yes he is'. I shouldn't have engaged, but people love babies and I assumed she was going to coo or something. She looked sceptical and then proceeded to ask about my racial heritage, DP's race, all the while looking from me to DS and back again.

I'm mixed race and DP is white, so DS is very pale. But his features are pure me. I don't even know why I answered the woman, perhaps because she was firing questions at me at such a pace and I was in shock.

She then leant forward in an intense way and said, "Is that your breast milk you're feeding him?"

That's when I cracked and said, "Could you stop asking questions please, it's rather rude." She didn't say anything, she fixed me with an icy stare for about ten seconds and then stood up and left. She hadn't been there when I arrived and didn't get a coffee before leaving!

I have no idea what to make of this! I feel angry, ashamed for FF (although I know I shouldn't be), and also worried as this was one street from where we live. What if she appears again?

I called DS who said she is a crazy. But she didn't look crazy per se, just intense. If something like this happens again, AIBU to get really angry with her/the perpetrator?

OP posts:
kaymondo · 18/02/2011 18:05

YANBU - what a nutter!!! I don't think i would have been half as restrained as you were!

eatmyfood · 18/02/2011 18:06

How bizarre. Honestly, just ignore it. Maybe she has problems, maybe she's just not a nice person, but I wouldn't waste any time thinking about it.

If anything like that happens again, I'd just say "look I'm sorry but my ds really needs peace and quiet to feed." Then ignore any further remarks.

And congratulations by the way!

Mahraih · 18/02/2011 18:09

I called DP, sorry, not DS. DS obviously can't use a phone!

OP posts:
eatmyfood · 18/02/2011 18:10

Oh ALL of my dcs could use a phone at 8 days old, very advanced you know Wink.

fedupofnamechanging · 18/02/2011 18:11

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby.

Please don't feel bad about ff.Your baby will be getting immunity and all the benefits of your bm. one ff per day will not cause any harm. Even if you were ff all the time, it is a valid choice, your business and absolutely no one elses. You don't have to explain or justify it to anyone.

I don't know if she meant to be rude. Some people just have no social skills and think it is okay to stick their beak into everyone elses business. Put her out of your mind, I doubt she will approach you again. She was in the wrong for interrogating a total stranger. You are not obliged to tell her all your business, just because she asked demanded

squeakytoy · 18/02/2011 18:13

Sounds like she had some sort of mental health problem. You can look perfectly normal and still be quite nutty.

saffy85 · 18/02/2011 18:14

YANBU you were far more restrained than I would have been. What a fruit loop Hmm

Pterosaur · 18/02/2011 18:15

"Could you stop asking questions please, it's rather rude."

I think you dealt with it really well. The woman appears to have some problems with boundaries. I'd like to think you won't have to go through it too often.

Bogeyface · 18/02/2011 18:15

Sounds like she may have learning problems and certainly has no idea about boundaries etc.

In future just ignore her if you can, and if she continues to bother you then ask the staff to remove her. They wont want a random person upsetting their customers.

Try not to worry, she probably does this several times a day with different people and wont remember you again!

HecateQueenOfWitches · 18/02/2011 18:17

sounds to me like she thought the baby wasn't yours and you'd stolen him or something.

I think she reads too many crappy magazines.

You were a hell of a lot more polite than I would have been.

It would have been a very sharp "Why exactly are you asking me these ridiculous questions?"

Mahraih · 18/02/2011 18:19

Yes possibly learning difficulties, bogeyface, she wasn't interacting as I would expect a middle aged lady to act. She was quite well-dressed, but acting oddly.

It was just strange. I couldn't work out whether to be angry or not!

If she approaches me again, I will just shut down any conversation immediately. I need to be less 'English' about these things!

OP posts:
pjmama · 18/02/2011 18:19

She's a loon. Don't give it another thought. If she ever approaches you again just tell her to bugger off and mind her own business.

madav · 18/02/2011 18:21

You're all much more polite than me - I'm afraid I would've just said, very quietly mind, please piss off and leave me alone.

Think IAmaybeBU though.....

TeacupTempest · 18/02/2011 18:21

Crazy Lady!

Kerrianne · 18/02/2011 18:23

Perhaps she has mental problems? Sad

Mahraih · 18/02/2011 18:24

Not at all Madav, that's what I wished I'd said, after she left.

It takes you by surprise though - she didn't come screaming at me waving a voodoo doll, so the 'weird' snuck into the conversation and before I knew it, she was talking about my breast milk. Confused

OP posts:
Kerrianne · 18/02/2011 18:27

Why are you focusing on the breast milk question when she asked so many others? I wouldn't give it another thought.

MadamDeathstare · 18/02/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madav · 18/02/2011 18:27

Mahraih I normally find if you get right up close and personal and say something similar with a smile on your face - as if you were confiding in a friend - they tend to back away and run for the hills Grin

TakeItOnTheChins · 18/02/2011 18:27

Learning difficulties/MH problems/SN or not, just tell her to fuck off if it happens again.

What a loon.

squeakytoy · 18/02/2011 18:28

There is a lady who sits on the bench outside our supermarket. She looks like a well dressed middle aged lady.... but she is mad as a box of frogs. If anyone sits down, she engages in conversation with them, telling them how beautiful they are, and asking where they got their shoes from, and what lovely eyes you have.. and on.. and on...

Most people know her and try to avoid her.. its a shame I suppose, and she is probably quite lonely.. but she is hard work.

My husband hadnt seen her before, and he got bored wandering around the aisles with me, and pissed off at how much "unneccesary stuff" was going in the trolley so he said he would wait outside.

I came out a while later to see him sat there next to her, looking petrified.

He dashed over to me and said "that woman has been chatting me up for half an hour"

HowFuckingRude · 18/02/2011 18:37

I hate the crazy ladies who come and insult you or your children.

My friend experienced this at our local nature reserve cafe. Her son was born with a number of issues due to a medical condition but the most physically obvious is lax eye muscles meaning he looked cross eyed.

this mad old biddy walked over and asked if my friend had experienced a huge shock whilst pregnant "because it can cause them boss eyes you know"

We looked at her like this Shock

She walked out.

We looked at each other like this Shock.

Then pissed ourselves laughing at her stupidity. It did put a dampner on the day though to meet such a dickhead.

Mahraih · 18/02/2011 18:43

Yikes, HowFuckingRude, that is serious detachment from the social norm. I hope she didn't really understand how rude she was being!

OP posts:
RevoltingPeasant · 18/02/2011 18:44

Mahraih

Shock Sounds like a nutter, as others have said.

Though, tbh, I think I'd've been MUCH more offended by the implications of 'Is he yours?' I am not mixed race but I think that's the point when I'd've said, 'WHAT?!' in my best Outraged of Tunbridge Wells voice.

HowFuckingRude · 18/02/2011 18:50

Mahraih

She was about 80, looked slightly demented and probably belived in all thos old Wives tales

It literally took our breath away, especially as it was said in such kind and gentle tones.

Mad Smile

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