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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

did i do the right thing

52 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 12:56

I did my usual and checked DS1's facebook
there on his page was a message and a video saying

"Who is cummin prk afta skool amora warn ya tho bring towel n wear own clothes under ya uniform os it gonna be wet we either jumpin or bein pushed in lake"

Now DS1 didn't put this up nor the video but the children hang around together and I don't want him involved.

So I called the school and told them what was happening.

was I wrong/

OP posts:
Mollymax · 18/02/2011 13:09

I am not sure if i would have phoned the school. I think i would have left a message on ds phone to say come home straight from school.
My dd is 12 and turns her phone on at lunch time to check for messages.
She would certainly come home if she saw message.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 13:09

Reality, I don't know.. I passed on what I had read and gave the names of the children involved.

I know it probably seems OTT but this is not a nice country lake it is an innercity one in a park it is full of cans, bags, bricks and the local drunks use it as a toilet.

Even the fish that were once there started dying off with all the crap in there.

OP posts:
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 18/02/2011 13:11

TheLadyEvenstar - I think you did the right thing. You're doing what you can to prevent a tragic accident potentially happening. (whether it be your ds or someone elses)

Unfortunately, some kids won't take heed of the warning from school and still go ahead with it.

I'd ensure your ds was well away from this meet up by telling him to come straight home from school.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 13:11

HowBleddyRude, he has had swimming lessons. He just can't get on with swimming.

I don't know the parents of the other children.

I am not just worried about ds but all of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 13:12

Kaz, have left him a message with the school and also on his phone.

OP posts:
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 18/02/2011 13:22

and FWIW phoning the school is the quickest and most effective way of getting a message across to all youngsters.

I.E Teacher says to all classroom...It's been noted that some people are planning to go to the lake this afternoon.....warn against it and relay the possible dangers...

the warning in itself may stop people...

OTOH - it may well entice more kids to go to the lake to see what all the fuss is about.

TheLadyEvenstar...you did what you thought was best and your ds has a message to come straight home. That's all you can do, YANBU

Vallhala · 18/02/2011 13:50

Holy moley! Yes I know the place you're speaking of, Lady. It crossed my mind when I was adding canals to my list of dodgy waters in the area, though that's long, long gone now of course. If memory serves me well that thing is bloody deep and yes, it's more cesspit than lake!

I'd be turning up at the school gates and handcuffing my DC to me all the way home in your shoes, Lady.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 13:54

Vall, yes it is deep.

I am tempted to get DS2 dressed and make a big thing of being in the park playing - if only it wasn;t so blasted cold here today.

It certainly is a cesspit.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 18/02/2011 17:36

I got a call from the school thanking me for "the heads up"

The head called each of the pupils involved into the office and told them they knew of their plans.

Then the police were contacted and plastic policemen and community wardens were sent to the lake itself.

So while I may be a snitch I saved anyone else getting hurt - as it emerged the boy who did it the other day has been on crutches since.

OP posts:
StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 18/02/2011 20:21

I'm glad things worked out well - and particularly glad that the school actually did something constructive. Cynically, I thought they would say there was nothing they could do. I'm glad I was wrong.

MadamDeathstare · 18/02/2011 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CityGirls · 18/02/2011 20:40

No, you were not wrong at all. You are a very responsible parent. Can you imagine if you had read the facebook post and ignored it and not acted on it and then you get a knock at your door from the police telling you there had been a tragic accident at the lake and your son had been pushed in by his mates 'larking around' and he had drowned because he couldn't swim. These things happen, not often thank God, but then why chance it. If you get the opportunity to make the slightest bit of difference then take it.

Feelingsensitive · 18/02/2011 20:54

You did the right thing. In theory a bunch of kids jumping into a lake sounds fine but for those who can't see the danger really think about it. Would you want your 12 year old jumping into a cold dirty lake in the middle of February without an adult about if things go wrong? I ceratinly wouldnt. Well done OP for doing the right thing.

ImFab · 18/02/2011 20:57

You absolutely did the right thing and I am sure all the parents are greatful.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/02/2011 10:42

Thanks, I have had to deal with the fallout of me acting on it with DS1 telling me I should "leave things well alone" Hmm

OP posts:
southmum · 19/02/2011 11:40

is there any chance the other kids will find out it was you who 'grassed' and take it out on your DS? Not sure I would have told the school for that reason but YANBU to not want your DS involved.

KurriKurri · 19/02/2011 11:48

I think you did the absolutely the right thing - I would have been worried about them too. Far better to be a bit unpopular with your DS and his mates, than a child being hurt or worse. I lost a friend when I was at school - he was swimming in the river, got into difficulties and drowned - and he was 17. Sad

People may think you are over reacting, but terrible things can happen.

smokingnuns · 19/02/2011 11:50

flamingo you post made me LAUGH OUT LOUD. Took a while to get control.

You absolutely did the right thing OP, and so did the school (phew). YWNBU but did the obviously sensible thing to protect all the kids.

yogididabooboo · 19/02/2011 11:54

it sounds like typical childish messing about to me. but if you were worried then calling school was all you coudl do.

Not sure i would have bothered any further than to tell my ds he was to come straight home from school, but then we all have differing levels of worry.

mine is obviously set very low

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/02/2011 11:56

Southmum, according to DS the whole of year 8 knew about it - which doesn't surprise me as it was all over facebook and youtube.

So chances are he will be fine.

OP posts:
Kerrianne · 19/02/2011 12:06

I think you did the right thing but I don't think you should have told your son about it. If he gets stressed out and thinks you should have 'left things well alone', he may in future start hiding these things from you. I don't just mean on FB but in general.

Time to get smart and sneaky Wink

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/02/2011 13:21

Kerri....i must learn Wink

OP posts:
southmum · 19/02/2011 13:26

sorry, I meant is there any chance that the kids will know it was you that told the school and give your DS a hard time about it. Maybe thats why he's in a bit of a mood?

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 19/02/2011 14:06

south, no i doubt it. I don't know them so i doubt they would.

OP posts:
cinpin · 19/02/2011 14:15

maybe not a good idea to check his facebook.

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