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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that parents are not always pure in their motives for helping in the classroom!

50 replies

littlebylittle · 17/02/2011 19:49

Had coffee with some parents this week who seem to know and share an unnatural amount about the ability, reading levels etc of other children in their children's classes. Made me glad that for now my dd's school seems to have enough reading help without parents.

OP posts:
chandellina · 17/02/2011 19:51

why? were they being derogatory/competitive about it? I guess you'd pick up that knowledge if you were helping, whether you want to or not.

Teenybitsad · 17/02/2011 19:54

They shouldn't gossip but I am sure their motives for helping are not related to wanting to know about other kids reading skills!

More that they will want to help their own DC.

notnowbernard · 17/02/2011 19:57

I am convinced that there are a couple of parents I know who are in there helping for the 'wrong' reasons. Either keeping on top of everyone's progress or manipulating friendships

PinkIceQueen · 17/02/2011 19:58

Report them! Surely anyone helping in a classroom is bound by confidentiality agreements??

slipperandpjsmum · 17/02/2011 19:59

I think alot of the 'Mummy Army' of helpers in schools has other motives for being there.

Rhadegunde · 17/02/2011 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hulababy · 17/02/2011 20:04

I helped out in DD's school for a year or so, very regularly. My motives? To get primary school experience before applying for some TA jobs (I am a qualified secondary school teacher, but wanted a change of direction.) I saw a lot of children's records, helped children out in class and knew a lot about what was going on. I didn't gossip about it though. I talked to DH about stuff, but not outside that (ie not to friends) and not in front of DD either.

Just point out though that most volunteers I know do not sign any form of confidentiality agreements.

NormanTheForeman · 17/02/2011 20:07

In ds's school, youare not allowed to help out in the same class as your child (unles it's a one-off school trip). This solves that sort of problem.

I do help out in the school, with the library. My main reasons for doing it are partly that it gets me out of the house, and I get to see people when I'm there, and also that being in the school allows you to see generally a bit more of how the school is run, and the atmosphere. Fortunately, there is a great atmosphere in ds's school, and I'm very happy with it in most respects.

MrsBananaGrabber · 17/02/2011 20:08

My friend is a real busy body in her DC's school, she caused a lot of bad feeling by picking her friend to be her dd's first grade teacher and she buzzes about the fact that the principal knows her name.

When she goes on about school (she is there every day) I just think 'i'll bet all the other mums hate you' but my DC's don't go to her school so i'm OK Wink

howdoo · 17/02/2011 20:12

I help out at my DS's school - I do it is precisely so I can work out who are the nice kids and who are the little horrors, and gently steer DS's friendships accordingly if needs be. Inevitably I get to know stuff about children's individual abilities and I wouldn't dream of sharing that with any other parents. If this makes my motives "impure" then I'll live with it!

Itsjustafleshwound · 17/02/2011 20:15

I help out at school - I take it is read that it is offsides to gossip and tell others what you have seen/heard/inferred.

I must admit that it is good to go in and see from a distance what my daughter (in a lower year) does and you get a good idea of what the school is really like. Unfortunately, I don't get much from my Daughter in the way of news and it is helpful to get a small window into her school life.

Yes I am nosy, I do like being helpful but it doesn't give me the right to gossip about other children to other mothers.

Teenybitsad · 17/02/2011 20:16

BananaGrabber with "friends" like that who needs enemies? Hmm I wouldn't refer to someone like that as a friend if I felt the way you seem to!

notnowbernard · 17/02/2011 20:17

howdoo you might well be one of the parents I have in mind...

Bit sad, don't you think? Presumably your ds is infant-school age?

Wordsonascreen · 17/02/2011 20:22

I have spreadsheets and steal into the cloakroom to check on all the childrens bookbags just in case I miss one of them whilst reading.

I also spread gossip in the playground and undermine the TA.

Top tip

Get friendly with the school secretary, she knows everything

Original poster
littlebylittle · 17/02/2011 20:23

Good one, wordsonascreen!

OP posts:
howdoo · 17/02/2011 20:27

How is it sad, Notnow? DS is 5 and young for his year and he's going to know all these kids for years to come. So yes, if I'm organising playdates for him, I'm more likely to invite the "nicer" kids over and encourage him to be more friendly with them.

notnowbernard · 17/02/2011 20:32

It's sad that you're orchestrating friendships based on your own judgements of whether a child is well-behaved "nice" or badly-behaved "a horror" rather than letting your DS gel with whoever in his own way

ImFab · 17/02/2011 20:33

I help in school and all parents who do help in the classroom are given information about all aspects and discussing children with anyone is not something they should be doing.

Itsjustafleshwound · 17/02/2011 20:36

I would also think that sometimes the teachers do have the sense to see which parents are a good fit and act accordingly!

howdoo · 17/02/2011 20:38

I think it's sad to believe a 5 year old child has better judgement than a 42 year old!

notnowbernard · 17/02/2011 20:42

Yes but that's what's so lovely about small children THEY ARE NON-JUDGEMENTAL

So will play with anyone, regardless of whether they do or do not fit into their parents' ideals

howdoo · 17/02/2011 20:51

Nope, I'm obviously not getting where you are coming from, Notnow! I cannot for the life of me see what is wrong with encouraging friendships with better behaved children. It is really clear when you are in a classroom who are the more disruptive children, and if you honestly don't care who your child is friendly with, then I don't agree with you.

BachAtTheMoon · 17/02/2011 20:57

I also began volunteering in DS1 school to get some experience for a TA course. I won't work in the same class as DS but I know that quite a few parents at the school do so.

I think that DS needs to bee himself at schoool and not just my son iyswim.. If I was there during his schooling I'd feel like I was stealing something from him in a way..

notnowbernard · 17/02/2011 20:58

yes to encouraging healthy friendships

but a big no to taking notes on who is "good" and who is "bad" in order to orchestrate friendships at 5 yrs old Sad

Sassybeast · 17/02/2011 21:02

OMG Howdoo are you for REAL ??

I help out at the kids school because i'm lucky enough to have children who are fairly natural and avid readers. I'm a bit of a bookworm and recognise the wealth of opportunities that being able to read confidently offers a child. I know that teachers don't always have time to spend huge amounts of time with kids who need extra help.

I wasn't aware that my 'motives' would be viewed so suspiciously 'shrugs'