Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel really annoyed with the woman who yanked my dd?

40 replies

solooovely · 17/02/2011 19:04

Hi, a few days ago I was at a playgroup and I turned around and saw my dd next to another little girl. The little girl snatched one of the toys from my dd, my dd snatched it back and then little girl snatched it back again. So normal playgroup behaviour that happens all the time and no big deal. I was just about to go over and sort it out and the woman with the other girl walked over and without saying anything grabbed my dds arm and pulled it backwards so that she sort of yanked it. It wasn't that hard and my dd didn't seem bothered but I felt it was inappropriate as at the time the 2 girls were just standing there looking at each other so her reaction seemed over the top and really not neccessary.

I was so surprised that I didn't say anything. Didn't want to cause a row anyway. I know this woman, she lives opposite me but she hasn't lived there long so I don't know her that well and we are not friends or anything. Also she is a childminder and the girl is one she looks after.

The more I thought about it afterwards the more annoyed I feel! I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not but everytime I think about it the words "get your fucking hands off my child" pops into my head!

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 17/02/2011 19:08

You should have said something at the time, if it was so bad you're still seething about it. I can't believe anybody could be too shocked to tell an adult to stop being rough with their child, or anyone's child for that matter.

pjmama · 17/02/2011 19:08

I'd say it's not acceptable to grab or pull at another person's child unless you're actually breaking up a fight. I'd probably be annoyed by this too, but as long as your DD wasn't hurt then I'd let it go this time. I'd be keeping an eye on her though and wouldn't let it go a second time.

wellwisher · 17/02/2011 19:09

YANBU but I think it's too late to do anything so try to let it go - keep your beady eyes on her next time and have a word if she does anything. I think it's fine to tell off someone else's DCs but not to grab them (unless it's to keep them out of harm's way).

bupcakesandcunting · 17/02/2011 19:11

I can believe it, I had a similar situation last year where the playgroup old biddy leader was a bit forceful in disciplining my son. I was so cross that I put DS's coat on and loudly announced we would be leaving...

Then I FUMED for days after for not speaking up.

Next week, take her to one side and say something like "Last week, when you yanked DD's arm. It made me angry. Can you never do that again please?" Smile politely and leave it.

begonyabampot · 17/02/2011 19:13

agree, watch her carefully and if it happens again - don't hesitate this time and be prepared. It's hard to react sometimes to these things if you are a rational, non confrontational kind of person, especially if it happens out the blue.

stressedanddepressed · 17/02/2011 19:14

She didn't hurt her. Whats the problem?

If it really bothered you then say something politely (especially as her dd took the you first!) but if no one was harmed i really don't see the problem to be honest.

stressedanddepressed · 17/02/2011 19:14

**toy i meant.

Original poster
solooovely · 17/02/2011 19:15

I wish I had said something really but the thing is I'm a bit scared of her as she has one of those scary hard faces. Also if it turns into an argument I will lose as I always lose the ability to speak properly and can't form decent arguments when I'm upset or angry! I know, I'm crap!

OP posts:
Original poster
solooovely · 17/02/2011 19:16

It's hard to react sometimes to these things if you are a rational, non confrontational kind of person, especially if it happens out the blue - Exactly!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 17/02/2011 20:01

Not sure I'd be keen on a childminder who yanked kids around?

Have a line prepared in your head to use as occassion demands "I'd rather you didn't pull my DD - pehaps you could let me know in future if there's a problem?"

AmazingBouncingFerret · 17/02/2011 20:05

At least you'll never be tempted to use her childminding services!

fedupofnamechanging · 17/02/2011 20:55

Given that this is on your mind and you are rightly very angry, I think you should raise it with her and tell her that you were so shocked at the time so didn't say anything, but she is never to lay a hand on your child again. your child relies on you to defend her, so you need to do that, even if she is scary.

I'd be tempted to contact the local authority where she is registered as a CM and tell them what you saw. This is totally unacceptable behaviour and I wouldn't want her to be looking after my DC.

mumsgotatum · 17/02/2011 20:56

YANBU I wouldv'e been very very pissed off

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/02/2011 21:02

What were you going to do, OP? Yank your daughter away or yank the other girl away. Were you planning to intervene? 'Yank' is probably the wrong word anyway, from your description it sounded quite a gentle thing and as you say, your daughter wasn't concerned.

Were you and this other lady collecting your children, dropping them off or was there some other reason that you were at the playgroup?

The thing is... do you really think that nobody supervising or looking after your DD at any time in the future will not need to stop her from doing something at some point?

You might not like it but other people will have to discipline your child at some point. I think it's unreasonable to be so angry about this incident but I can understand why you're upset.

Original poster
solooovely · 17/02/2011 22:38

AmazingBouncingFerret Absolutely! I had been thinking that it was handy that there was a childminder so close!

karmabeliever That's how I felt, that I should have defended my child a bit more, even it is was just to say that I didn't think she should do that to other people's children.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I don't think you have read my post very carefully. There was no need to intervene in that way as they were just standing there looking at each other by the time the childminder got there which was before me. My dd had her arms down by her sides doing absolutely nothing and the childminder went up to her, took hold of her arm and pulled it sharply backwards. In those situations (which occur all the time) where toddlers are arguing over toys or being a bit mean to each other, all it takes is to tell the one who is being mean that it's not nice to do that, or you just distract them or find the other one a toy so they are both happy etc. It is never necessary to hank (and yes she did yank) a child just because they took a toy from another child. We weren't dropping off, it was a playgroup session where parents/carers stay and supervise. As for do you really think that nobody supervising or looking after your DD at any time in the future will not need to stop her from doing something at some point . . . well yes they may need to OBVIOUSLY, but not like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
solooovely · 17/02/2011 23:00

The way to describe it is that she pulled on my dcs arm as though he was attacking her child or about to attack her child. Completely over the top when a child is just standing there! And the way she did it was in a way that I think is never right to touch someone else's child.

I have an older child so have been to many playgroups and soft play centres over the years and have never seen someone do that before with a child that wasn't their own.

Bloody hell, the more I write about it the more annoyed I get. HOW BLOODY DARE SHE!

OP posts:
BooyFuckingHoo · 17/02/2011 23:04

all you do is say, "there was no need for that" you'll probably get a dirty look but you can't please everyone. it's either that or say nothing and post on MN a few days later still angry.

JamieLeeCurtis · 17/02/2011 23:11

I would have no problem with another adult intervening - even telling my child off if it was warranted, but not in this way. I've never experienced it either. I'd be a bit suspicious of her skill as a CM, TBH

Original poster
solooovely · 18/02/2011 10:02

I'm wondering if she might apologise next time I see her. We'll see!

OP posts:
Teenybitsad · 18/02/2011 10:24

I would have yanked her arm back...and hard.

Nobody can touch a child like that.

If you see wer again tell her off. I would. Cheeky cow.

Original poster
solooovely · 18/02/2011 10:55

She did avoid my gaze once I got there so I think maybe she realised it wasn't on. That's why I wondered if she might apologise.

I'll be watching her like a hawk next time, it won't be happening again!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 18/02/2011 11:39

She's probably worried you'll report her. Her business depends upon looking after children properly.

GiddyPickle · 18/02/2011 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BooyFuckingHoo · 18/02/2011 12:42

giddy i think that is a great suggestion.

ErnestTheBavarian · 18/02/2011 13:02

I disagree, I think it's rude and unnecessary and I ate the notion that no adult may tell off someone else's children.

In this instance, from op's description it does sound ott and unwarranted, but given the girl wasn't bothered I would just leave it.

If dd had been upset I would maybe politely say something, but as she wasn't, I'd def just leave it.

I really don't think s good for your mental health to brood on things. Probably good to learn how to feel more assertive, so you feel confident enough to deal with issues without them eating you up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread