To feel really annoyed with the woman who yanked my dd?

[solooovely]

Hi, a few days ago I was at a playgroup and I turned around and saw my dd next to another little girl. The little girl snatched one of the toys from my dd, my dd snatched it back and then little girl snatched it back again. So normal playgroup behaviour that happens all the time and no big deal. I was just about to go over and sort it out and the woman with the other girl walked over and without saying anything grabbed my dds arm and pulled it backwards so that she sort of yanked it. It wasn't that hard and my dd didn't seem bothered but I felt it was inappropriate as at the time the 2 girls were just standing there looking at each other so her reaction seemed over the top and really not neccessary.

I was so surprised that I didn't say anything. Didn't want to cause a row anyway. I know this woman, she lives opposite me but she hasn't lived there long so I don't know her that well and we are not friends or anything. Also she is a childminder and the girl is one she looks after.

The more I thought about it afterwards the more annoyed I feel! I'm not sure if I'm overreacting or not but everytime I think about it the words "get your fucking hands off my child" pops into my head!

There's a difference between telling off and physically yanking a child though. I wouldn't do that to my own child, so I certainly wouldn't allow someone else to.

This woman is a CM. She is supposed to be able to look after children without resorting to these kinds of actions. God knows what she's like in her own house, with no one watching her. The more I think about it, the more I think you'd be doing the parents of her CM children a favour by contacting the LA and reporting her.

My view is that you wouldn't do behave that way to an adult, so you shouldn't behave that way to a defenceless child.

I am a confrontational person and sometimes being angry and off guard can lead to a big row and so best avoided. However when a woman told my two yr old off at playgroup for kicking her child (pfb 15 month old) I had a word. He was kicking, her baby was stood where my child wanted to go to get off the climbing frame and he waited, got fed up and was coming feet first.

Poor drippy woman wasn't to know that I would take her to task. I told her never ever to tell my child off, certainly not for something he didn't do. she said as long as a child needed telling she would do so....I replied that even if my child were a complete violent little thug her gentle wishy washy reminding would have no impact anyway. She started the 'as a parent bollocks....' I said you're not his parent, he's my youngest of four and I'm doing pretty well on my own thanks....

If she'd touched him I would have blown a fuse....and then been banned from the playgroup!!

wasn't kicking

Those who mentioned brooding over things are totally right. I do that ALL the time. The problem is that if I either don't say anything at the time/the other person apologises etc then I stay angry FOREVER!

I'm still getting urges to punch her in the face!

ThePosieParker

However when a woman told my two yr old off at playgroup for kicking her child (pfb 15 month old) I had a word. He was[n't] kicking, ... got fed up and was coming feet first."

Nah, no way that could have been mistaken...

As you say, being angry and off guard can lead to a big row

If your "little thug" (yes, I know he's not, but wait till I've finished) had launched himself feet first at my "little princess" (maybe 15 years ago, but certainly not now :) )

I would have said something like "Hey, young man, watch your feet; we don't kick little girls".

If you'd told me never ever to tell [your] child off, certainly not for something he didn't do and even if my child were a complete violent little thug [your ] gentle wishy washy reminding would have no impact anyway I'd have kicked off back.

"Yep, he is a little thug, and I'm not surprised, if your idea of good parenting is encouraging him to knock girls about"

"They're both kids, they both need to learn respect; even if their parents don't show it".

... and I'd have taken DD home and ranted to DW about the psychotic mum with the thuggish child... and then realised he was only 2.

DS? He was a biter, and I got reported to the playgroup leader for telling one of the mums I was considering a muzzle for him. I wasn't, but he did need watching like a hawk.

I don't think you should say anything now, you should have done it at the time, otherwise you might seem a bit strange having brooded on it all week.

I think I would have knelt next to dd and said something to the other woman along the lines of 'did you need me to intervene? What's happening?' and then seen how the conversation went. I might then have said something like 'you don't need to pull her away, give me a shout next time if there is a problem'. That might seem a bit wussy to some people but it means you've said something without making it unpleasant and you want to feel comfy when you go to playgroup, especially if she lives near you.

I think it's good in these situations to make it clear to your dd that she didn't do anything wrong. Maybe also tell your dd to keep away from her child? I think it's good for kids to learn to stay away from certain others sometimes.

Not aimed at OP, just a moan really but today at playgroup I had to stop a toddler pulling a fire extinguisher off the wall, a toddler snatching off a small baby and another one poking my baby. They were all aged about 18 months I guess and it did cheese me off a bit as I think that is an age where you have to keep your eye on them a bit more closely.

moomaa That is what I would usually do, just have a chat with the other mum about what was going on and it usually goes just fine, I've actually met some really nice people after theirs kids have hit mine and we've got chatting! This woman had "unapproachable" body language and was deliberately not making eye contact and then was gone really quickly with the kid so I would of had to call her back to discuss it!

She sounds annoying, some people are just odd, I would just avoid her as much as possible.

You should have intervened before and it wouldnt have happened- you witnessed the snatching for a while and just ignored it- what were you doing?

Gemsy83 - Er, actually no, that is completely factually incorrect! I was standing a bit away and the snatching went back and forth 3 times quickly and then I started to walk towards them but the woman got there fast. I don't appreciate your insinuation that I was sitting on my arse, ignoring bad behaviour, and that it is my fault that a woman pulled on my dds arm when she was standing there do NOTHING!

That should have been first not fast.

Obviously we weren't there but it sounds like she just wanted to stop the snatching backwards and forwards. Her charge had the toy and she thought by stopping your dd from grabbing it again it would stop the whole thing. If your dd had had the toy she may have grabbed her charge's arm to stop her grabbing it back. If you see what I mean. I'm having trouble picturing a childminder hurting another child at a playgroup on purpose that's all.

Well I don't think she did it on purpose as such but I think she was on the brink of losing her temper in a pretty bad way. Tiny bit harder and she would of hurt my dc.

As I've said before, the snatching had stopped by the time she got there and the kids were just looking at each other and smiling even so there was nothing for her to stop. As far as I'm concerned it was an act of agression on her part (not hugely agressive obviously by there all the same).

It surprised me as well that a childminder would behave like this, as I've always assumed that a person wouldn't do a job working with children in the first place unless they have endless amounts of patience. If you are the type to get stroppy then don't do it!

No - I can well imagine it. It's unusual but not unimaginable.