To wonder how the fucking fuck to find a faithful man?

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

So, as some of you know, my dh (of 5 years) fucked off on the 13 of feb, six weeks after I misscarried our baby, which went very very wrong and led to me being incredibly ill in hospital. Nice right?
Well I found out last night that he's been carrying on with another girl for 4 weeks, followed my instincts and boom- was right! This is after four weeks of him treating me like shit because he's 'down'.

Anyhoo, please don't say you're sorry for me or whatever because I've honestly had enough shit this year and last to last me for a while and I'm glad I've got the chance now to start again.

But how do you find one that doesn't cheat??
3/5 of people I've been in relationships with have cheated (I never have)
AIBU to just want a nice man, who works, loves me for who I am and manages to keep his dick in his pants?

Gosh noodle, that's a little harsh???

Mal is one of my fave posters. She's right. Why is anyone having the conversation in the first place....?

Sorry just get annoyed when a lot of posters on sites like this act like men are animals and none are to be trusted. With my contact with many decent men I know this isnt true.

Noodle you need to direct them towards the OP!!

I don't agree with cultural background as I've known people who would say straight to your face that they woould not cheat (and they are talking to me as a friend not a partner) because it would be against their morals,family code, religion then next thing you know off they go and this includes women!
I don't think my DH would cheat because...
1)he is now so old the women he fancies could be his daughters and I hope they have the self-esteem not to chase an old man.
2) He has dodgy hips.
3) He forgave an ex-girlfriend for her affair, still married her then she did it again. I don't think he would do that to anyone one else.
4) I would also destory his car, take the house and he would lose everything.
But.... this hasn't stopped him put his head between some tarts breast at a stag do!

Noodle You are right but never say never. It only after a lifetime can someone, male or female, can say they have never cheated. I know, I have but then I didn't marry the man and dumped him soon after, as it wasn't right.
Some people get swept away with their emotions and the attention

OP- you cannot ever be certain.

Some people do stray and some don't. No one can be certain about what they or their partner may do in 5, 10, 20 or 40 years time.

All you can do is weigh up someone's previous behaviour/track record, what you know of them, and hope for the best.

It's a bit like asking how you can ensure you will never be hurt in a relationship- for any reason, not just infidelity. You can't- it's a risk.

At the moment you are feeling extremely raw which makes it hard to get any perspective on it.

I do think cultural upbringing makes a difference.... I am a religious orthodox jew, and although it would be naive to say that orthodox jews don't cheat as I am sure some do, I have a very wide social circle and I don't know anyone who has cheated or been cheated on. Its not just cheating though other things are not common either, eg having a baby if you are not married. DD and DS1 in reception and year 2 at a jewish school, and all the parents in both their classes are married to each other.

I also agree that there are some men who just wouldn't cheat no matter what. And some that don't intend to but could be swayed in certain circumstances.

I know what you're going through Lady. My ex of 4 years left me for a middle aged troll someone else when I was 17 weeks into a planned pregnancy, after being a complete shit to me for about a month because he "had a lot on his mind". Turned out he'd been seeing her about 6 weeks. ). When my DS was about 1, I found out that my ex had fathered two other kids with two other women while we'd been together. In total he has 5 kids with 4 different women (although this number may be higher now, a good 3 or 4 years later).

Looking back now (oh, the wonder of hindsight!) there were signs that he was a dysfunctional prick - his mother cheated on his father and had a baby with someone else; he (my ex) had been married previously and they had both cheated on each other; his ex wife had previously been in a long term relationship with his older brother; he had friends who thought nothing of cheating on long term partners in blatant view of everyone; he constantly said "You know I'd never cheat on you, don't you?" ; he hated me having male friends and often accused me of cheating (I never did).

Personally I'd give it a bit of time - don't rush straight back into the dating scene. Chances are you'll just attract a similar bloke, so wait until you're a bit stronger. When you do decide to start dating, listen to your intution and take note of the person's values and that of their friends and family, as this is a big guide to what they themselves are like. I wish I had.

Oh no, you've got the name I was going to change to!
You must be a huge Big bang fan too?

As you say, the signs are normally there, for some reason a lot of women want to ignore them.

Hi Malificence, yes I love TBBT and am a little bit in love with Leonard . I was thinking of a new name as I suspected people irl knew my previous one. I wanted something to do with cats or kittens, then while watching an episode of Big Bang this came to me when Penny and Sheldon were singing it.

I wish I hadn't ignored the signs.

I would say that it's a mistake to believe that all men are liars and all women poor betrayed victims. Some people are strongly inclined towards monogamy, some people less so. Some of these behave badly (quite often because they have swallowed all the rubbish about One True Love and therefore have frequent 'overlap' affairs where they take up with a new True Love before they've properly dumped the old one). Some people actually get their kicks from deceiving partners, though these are in a minority.
And a few people are tough and smart and self-aware enough to know that monogamy is of little or no interest to them and to be able to resist the constant social pressure to be monogamous against their wishes: these are the people who either refuse commited relationships or will only commit to a primary partner who is equally uninterested in monogamy.