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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to tell my SIL she ate half a cup of yoghurt?

54 replies

twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:12

I love hosting family gatherings and often do so. My SIL is vegan and I don't mind taking extra care for her dinner, not hard work anyway.

Twice a year I boil two kg of chickpeas and make hummous, most of it with yoghurt to make it low fat, and some with tahini. Then I freeze it in small portions, sometimes for us and I often serve it at dinner parties.

You canobviously see where this is going, last weekend I served SIL what I thought was vetgan tahini, and this morning I went to the freezer to get some of the yoghurt kind but it was all gone... I have no idea how I mixed it up. I also now remember her going more than once "your hunnous is really yummy tonight, you should give me the new recipe". I said there's no new recipe and she insisted "no, I know your hunnous, it's always good but you've done something special to it tonight".

It all makes sense now... I think I shouldn't tell her... I mean, what's the point? Sad

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:13

vegan hunnous , not "vetgan tahini* Blush

OP posts:
2rebecca · 17/02/2011 09:14

I wouldn't bother.

RamblingRosa · 17/02/2011 09:15

I wouldn't tell her. I was a vegan for years and I came across similar situations (ate something at a friend's house only to be told afterwards that it had egg in it) and TBH, I'd rather not have known.

Just try not to do it again Grin

LadyOfTheManor · 17/02/2011 09:15

YANBU.

I wouldn't tell her. Then again I don't tolerate fussy eaters.

What she doesn't know and all that...!

mousymouse · 17/02/2011 09:15

I woudn't tell her, but I am a mean one :o

maybe tell her that you bought the ingredients somewhere else from your normal shop?

RamblingRosa · 17/02/2011 09:15

PS. Don't know about yoghurt in hummous. That's a new one on me!

Summerbird73 · 17/02/2011 09:18

could i have your recipe please? me and DH love hummus and have tried making it with no success - didnt know about the yoghurt!

Original poster
twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:18

here

it's different but I compensate for the lack of tahini with extra garlic and curry powder. I make it with 0% yoghurt and eat it guilt free Grin

OP posts:
ErnestTheBavarian · 17/02/2011 09:21

I wouldn't classify a vegan as a fussy eater. Not at all the same as an adult who complains they don't like tomatoes or any green vegetable or ginger or........

OP, don't bother telling her.

ghosteditor · 17/02/2011 09:26

OP, don't tell her, it won't make her happy! I'm veggie and genuinely would rather not know if something like this happened. It's unfortunate that you fed her non-vegan food but it sounds like a genuine mistake. Honesty is definitely not the best policy here.

coldtits · 17/02/2011 09:26

Do you know why she's vegan? If she has a milk intolerence she'll have been really ill for the past week.

Vallhala · 17/02/2011 09:28

I think I'd rather not know (and I'm vegan).

It was a mistake and knowing now can only make her feel ill.

Original poster
twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:29

I thought so..

She's not strictly vegan, she eats eggs and honey, but a couple of years ago she read a study connecting dairy to breast cancer and since then she thinks she might get it if she looks at milk. So I think that if i tell her she wioll be concerned about her health, I'm not kidding. Best not to put her through this, right???

OP posts:
Vallhala · 17/02/2011 09:32

LadyoftheManor, being vegan isn't "fussy". Hmm

For me it's a moral choice and a way of life not to eat any part of a dead animal. For others it's for the good of their own health.

I assume that you believe Jews to be fussy eaters too? And Sikhs? What about Muslims?

ghosteditor · 17/02/2011 09:32

twilight , yep, definitely don't mention it. If pushed just say maybe you used a different brand of tahini.

but Hmm about the dairy/breast cancer thing though - that's not actual science, is it.

frgr · 17/02/2011 09:35

agree with coldtits, it depends on if she has a medical/health reason why she chooses to not eat it - if she's been ill you have to tell her in case e.g. she's worried about having had upset tummy or something

although i'd have thought you'd have told her in that case anyway, so i assume it's not for health reasons :)

... in which case, ifit's just a lifestyle thing, i'd not tell her, and just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Vallhala · 17/02/2011 09:35

Twighlight, in that case SIL is not vegan. She's someone who doesn't consume milk products. A vegan doesn't eat any animal product, and that includes eggs and honey. For those of us who are vegan on moral grounds the eating of eggs is particularly abhorrant as male chicks are put on a conveyor belt at one day old and "dispatched" as they're not productive.

Foreverondiet · 17/02/2011 09:35

Best not to say. But be more careful next time.

I have done it before in error too (adding stock cube to veggie soup and serving to vegetarian guest) and then realising later it contained chicken.

But I am going to use your recipie - what a great idea for low fat houmous!

Vallhala · 17/02/2011 09:39

ghosteditor, there is a link between milk and breast cancer, yes, in certain types of the disease. Some are hormone related and fuelled by oestrogen and so the guidance for some people (myself included, as I've suffered this type of breast cancer) is to avoid milk.

(NB I was a lacto vegetarian when diagnosed... I will always wonder if I'd have not suffered cancer had I been vegan back then).

Original poster
twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:40

basically there's this woman called Jane Plant who's published a book talking about the connection between breast cancer and dairy. Haven't found anythin else that supports her claims, alhtough according to SIL JP predicted this in her book and says that the medical community knows about this but won't reveal it as it's not profitable to them Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
twilight3 · 17/02/2011 09:43

Vallhala, I'm trully not convienced about the science, there's so much controversial info about it.

Of course if you suffer by it, like yourself, I assume I'd try anything that was suggested, even with minimal evidence... but I honstly think SIL has gone a bit OCD with it, she didn't want to clean up the milk that MIL had spilled because she was afraid it would touch her skin...

Still happy to accomodate eating preferences though Grin

OP posts:
Vallhala · 17/02/2011 09:53

Sure, I think SIL is OTT too!

I can only say that the advice I was given was from consultants at a major teaching hospital which has what is perhaps the country's best treatment and research reputation for breast cancer. Dunno, I'm no expert...

It makes sense to me though, insofar as dairy cows are production line creatures. They are bred, the calf is taken away from them, often immediately and they are bred again... so they are often pregnant whilst in the milking chain. As a result their levels of oestrogen are far higher than normal, which transfers to the milk you drink.

My own cancer was so aggressively feeding on oestrogen that I had two choices - have my ovaries removed to stop its production or wait for the cancer to come back, sooner rather than later, and die.

I didn't fancy the latter option, oddly, so I had a second lot of surgery!

twolittlemonkeys · 17/02/2011 09:56

I'd be reluctant to tell her now. Would it work with soya yoghurt? You could give her the recipe substituting the yoghurt with soya stuff maybe?

Iwishiwasasleep · 17/02/2011 09:56

A friend of mine has been told not to touch dairy products after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I feel a bit Shock by it really. Why are we not told about this?

Iwishiwasasleep · 17/02/2011 09:58

Sorry clicked post too soon. YANBU. A little bit of hummous won't cause her a problem as long as she doesn't have an actual allergy.

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