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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel punished for going out

40 replies

Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:10

I never go out anywhere anymore. I used to go out about once a fortnight for a drink after work, but never do any more.

Tonight however I went out after work to a works dinner thing. Was lovely. Lots of people I haven't seen for ages.

Got home at 10.30 couldn't find my key but thought people would still be up as only 10.30.

Rang bell. husband furious as was in bed. Let me in but left door swinging open and went back to bed.

Didn't actually want to go to bed at 10.30 so went to son's room to get spare duvet to get comfy on sofa. He refused to give it to me at first.

Feel really pissed off that I go out for rare night out. came home early. Not drunk. Made to feel like horrible person.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 17/02/2011 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 17/02/2011 00:12

i've had to get out of bed to let people in, and its a PITA,

so would be slightly annoyed - but wouldn't make a bloody drama over it

gobehindabushfgs · 17/02/2011 00:14

it's 10.30 not 2am fgs. It was a pre-arranged work do.

of course nobody would say any different if it were a bloke Hmm

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:14

10.30 is early to go to bed.

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/02/2011 00:17

Is there more to this? I agree that you didn't do anything wrong. If he was actually furious, that's one thing. If he was a bit stompy and went straight back to bed, that's another - no-one likes being woken up, and a bit of grouchiness is par for the course.

And do you mean you also woke your son up to get a spare duvet, and he refused to give it to you? That bit seems really odd, why would you bother?

But I think there's more behind this. Does he generally subtly discourage you from going on, make it a big deal to 'babysit', etc?

StuffingGoldBrass · 17/02/2011 00:22

10.30 isn't late unless your H normally goes to bed earlier than that. Was he expecting you earlier eg were you later home than you said you would be? Or had he already objected to you going out?
WRT the duvet, I presume this wasn't a case of you yanking it off your son's sleeping body, so why would it be up to him to refuse to give it to you?

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:23

Yes was odd about duvet. Spare one in son's room (he is not little btw). He refused to give it to me. Had to actually tussle with him to get it! Needed it so I can sleep on sofa and not risk re-awakening husband.

Husband always 'forgets' I am going out on rare occasions I go out without him. Then says he cooked me dinner or something.

Was bad I couldn't find key. But 10.30 very early ffs!

OP posts:
Catnao · 17/02/2011 00:30

10.30???You live on the edge in your house, don't you? Wink

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:34

My thoughts exactly Catnao. I expected them still to be up sipping cocoa or something!

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 17/02/2011 00:36

Husband always 'forgets' I am going out on rare occasions I go out without him. Then says he cooked me dinner or something.

Ahhh, so he does discourage you from going out without him.

stiflersmom · 17/02/2011 00:38

from now on you should come in with a huge satisfied smile, humming happily to yourself, "hello dear!", completely fail to notice or acknowledge the fact that he is sulking

give him enough time to drop off to sleep again, then pester him for sex

that'll learn him

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:40

Next time I might just bloody stay out!

OP posts:
Catnao · 17/02/2011 00:40

If I rocked up at 10.30 from a night out, my partner would ask what went wrong!! YANBU!!

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 00:44

Yes and was quite staid work thing. Just dinner. And boring speeches fgs. I walked to the tube with one of my ex-colleagues (nearly 70) to be polite. Wasn't like I was necking vodkas and dancing in club.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 17/02/2011 01:06

10.30????

DP is happy if I get in at 2.30 to open the door and that includes when he has to get up at 5 for work!!

In fact if I get in earlier than that he wonders what is wrong.

As for silently discouraging your nights out without him, he'd hate me I go out 2-3 times a week sometimes 4 if I am pushing my luck Wink

llbeanj · 17/02/2011 01:09

although i am very grumpy if woken up unexpectadly - i would certainly be having strong words with son in the morning!

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 01:19

Yes son is in big trouble - the duvet-grasping freak!

Am enjoying self on sofa actually. Have computer and duvet (now!) and book.

Will probably get sulked at for sleeping on sofa tho.

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 17/02/2011 10:15

Does your H go out without you? Just wondering whether his behaviour is because he thinks that Little Woman should be at home doing housework while he as the Man is entitled to a social life - or whether he is one of these tedious people who thinks that married life should involve sitting side by side in front of the telly with your mouths open.
Re your DS and the duvet, if you had to tussle with him for it it sounds like it was on his bed at the time and while you might have considered it a spare he might have been cold and not wanted to be deprived of it, so yanking it off him was actually not a very nice thing to do.

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 11:14

Yes it sounds as if I was pulling off the duvet of a cold shivering boy doesn't it, but in fact I was trying to silently take the spare duvet which is folded at the end of his bed (on a chest). Son was tucked up all toasty in large duvet of his own!

have had apologies from both chaps this morning. Apparently they were tired.

Oh well I will know to be home before 9.30 next time!

OP posts:
Plumm · 17/02/2011 11:16

Or get your own key and come in as late as you want.

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 11:21

Yeah I do have a key actually (like most adults!). I had just forgotten it and thought my family (adults) might be still up at 10.30 pm.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 17/02/2011 11:25

How old is son?

Original poster
Biscuitscoco · 17/02/2011 11:26

Eeew! Chickens!

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 17/02/2011 11:27

I know, I know. But...it would explain reluctance to hand over spare duvet to you if it was...contaminated.

StuffingGoldBrass · 17/02/2011 11:30

PMSL at Chickens' suggestion. Fair play OP: you weren't forcing your DS to shiver all night Wink.

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