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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that inviting the whole nursery to a 3 year olds party is a bit OTT?

28 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 16/02/2011 21:44

DS has been invited to a childs birthday party from his nursery. I don't even know what the child looks like and have only heard DS speak of him a few times. As far as I can see, it's a blanket invite to all children at the nursery. Although I am quite looking forward to going and I'm excited on DS's behalf that he has had an invite to a party, part of me thinks it's a bit much to invite everyone from nursery. Also I am feeling the pressure now that that's what you are meant to do...? We only really have family parties and was hoping the big parties might not start until school!

AIBU or is this the norm now?

OP posts:
roadtrain · 16/02/2011 21:45

Some kids do this. My DS went to one of these whilst at nursery. TBH, I'd just go and enjoy it.

usualsuspect · 16/02/2011 21:47

YANBU ..I never had whole class parties for my kids ever.I can't believe the competitive partying that goes on nowadays [grumpy old mum]

tisallabitofafaffisntit · 16/02/2011 21:48

It's not the norm but it's not unusual. I think it's one way of getting to know parents and their children. But do what feels best for you. I have never (and will never!) do a whole class party but can understand why people do.

MadamDeathstare · 16/02/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BringOnTheGoat · 16/02/2011 21:51

YABU - don't overthink this - do what you want for your DC and enjoy the party you've been invited to.

eviscerateyourmemory · 16/02/2011 21:52

It depends on the number of children at the nursery. The standard in my DDs nursery is parties of 10-30 children, and there will be more invited than turn up.

timeforachangearooney · 16/02/2011 21:52

aahhhh go on, you know you'll love it :)

a few mums have done it at our nursery and i think it was a lovely gesture

i'm in too minds about our next party, but also know it is not expected off me

each time, not all children have taken up the invite

OhForKuckingFuntsSake · 16/02/2011 21:54

erm, so you dont actually know that teh whole nursery has been invited, just that your ds has and you dont really know who teh child is?

anyway YABU, it's up to the parents.

pregnantpeppa · 16/02/2011 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2011 21:57

Do you want him to go, OP? I think the party-scene is way OTT and I agree about the competitive partying... it's so much more to do with the parents than with the children. Would a 3-year old know enough to want a party and what do 3-year olds actually do in the way of socialising with a 'classful' of others? Confused

Kendodd · 16/02/2011 21:58

Parties, or should they be called minefields.

I have always thought invite the whole class or just half of them. What I have always avoided was leaving just one or two children out, even if I have never met them.

At my DS birthday recently I invited all the boys, but sent the invitations out very late hoping some of them wouldn't come. That worked well.

pregnantpeppa · 16/02/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tisallabitofafaffisntit · 16/02/2011 22:01

The competitive party thing is ridiculous but not every parent is guilty of it. Some are just doing what they think is best based on their own circumstances. It's a shame if we spend what should be an enjoyable time worrying about what other parents think of our decisions. It's just a party, after all.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 16/02/2011 22:09

Yes I do want to go with DS to the party and yes it will be nice to meet other parents but I was just a bit Shock at the whole nursery being invited- the reason I know they have been invited is that one of the nursery workers told me.

I think we will have a good time there but I guess the main thing is me feeling pressure to reciprocate once it's DS's birthday!

OP posts:
roadtrain · 16/02/2011 22:10

"Competetive party" has been mentioned a few times on this thread. I am doing a whole class party for DS because I am afraid of upsetting anyone who might be left out if I didn't. My DS also asked if everyone could come. I just want people not to be offended. It has nothing remotely competitive about it. Sad that some people will consider it competitive, when I am just trying to be kind!!

My DD is younger, coming up for 3. I didn't have a 3rd party for DS, but DD desperately wants one. Plenty of 3yos request parties, particularly those who have seen older siblings/friends attending/having them. I am afraid that if I send any invites to her nursery, I will be labelled as competitive for it.

You can't win with parties. Someone will always moan.

Wook · 16/02/2011 22:14

YABU Why do so many people here assume the parents were being competitive or showing off, or trying to set a standard or make others feel bad??
It's a sweet gesture to invite all the kids- no one is left out that way. And just because one set of parents want to or have the time/space/money to do this, why should that be a problem for anyone else?
It's only a competition if you compete! Otherwise just accept parties for what they are- parties! A chance to eat cocktail sausages, quavers and fairy cakes. :)

tisallabitofafaffisntit · 16/02/2011 22:15

roadtrain and wook said it much better than me.

smellyfeet · 16/02/2011 22:19

3 year olds do ask for parties - DD is 3 next month and has asked for one, and has told us what food she wants at it.

She has cousins the same age, so it's a family get together but with the feel of a childs party.

Susiewho · 16/02/2011 22:19

YABU. It's kind for someone to invite the whole nursery.

I don't see it as competitiveness, just generous hosting.

MrsBananaGrabber · 16/02/2011 22:20

It's nice when they are so little so no one feels left out, they don't understand why they haven't been invited and thats not nice.

icapturethecastle · 16/02/2011 22:21

I don't really get this competitive party idea either I think parents just want their child to have a great party and to enjoy themselves and they hope other children will as well.

roadtrain · 16/02/2011 22:21

That's right, when my DS was 3, a friend who was turning 4 had a party and DS wasn't invited. DS begged me over and over to go to this boy's party. He couldn't understand that he needed to have been invited.

MisSalLaneous · 16/02/2011 22:33

I always thought it's an odd idea, but we were invited to a big 3rd birthday party the other day, where we didn't know the parents or the boy in question. It was held at a large soft play area in the gym, with party in separate room. It was lovely - a good way to get to know the parents and children, as nursery drop-offs and pickups usually quite rushed due to work.

It wasn't show-offy at all, just a nice way to ensure they had the whole place to themselves without the pressure that sometimes go with smaller parties.

To date, we haven't had a party for ds, as we just went to a children's theatre with one of his close friends last year. After the party mentioned above, I now seriously consider something similar for his third as everyone loved it. And I'm probably the least competitive parent you'd meet!

Bumperlicious · 16/02/2011 22:36

It's hard to reason with them at this age. My dd is 3.5 and is obsessed by her next party. She keeps telling me and dh we aren't coming when she is cross with us Grin

I wasn't necessarily intending to have one for her but she is set on the idea.

exoticfruits · 16/02/2011 22:41

I think it is utterly mad and the DC would like a little party with a few friends. However, since they have done it then go along and enjoy it-do not feel that you have to do the same, just ask your DC who he would like and leave it at that.

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