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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have called this woman ignorant?

56 replies

mumbar · 16/02/2011 21:07

DS has been to a party at a soft play. Food was included. It was booked out so about half the parents stayed for coffee in the cafe. This is next to the room where the children eat.

One Mum there whos DS is in the other Yr 2 class, very much a helicopter parent. Spent most of the party trying to deal with non-existant problems, mainly children swinging an arm or running within 3 feet of her DS. Rest of us just chatted.

The party Mum knows DS has allergies and that he can't eat ketchup due to ingredients. Also party host informed and she says they wouldn't offer it if it would be a danger to DS. Tell her its fine as long as he doen't eat it.

In the party room (35 children around a large table)and the party hosts (employed by soft play) are in the room whilst party childs Mum wanders between party room and cafe - the parents of DC's stayed in the cafe. Fairly loud in the room. Helicopter mum enters party room and goes around squirting ketchup onto the childrens plates saying 'who wants sauce' Gets to DS and asks and goes to squirt it (before he answers) and DS realising it is ketchup shouted said in a slightly panicky way 'no, no, I'm not allowed that'.

A little had already landed on the plate.

The Heli mum replies 'oh its a party I'm sure just this once will be fine'. DS says 'no, I'm allergic to it'.

Heli Mum says 'allergic?, what to ketchup?, Don't be silly you can't be allergic to it.' DS says he is and asks for a different plate and is told surely he can just eat the food and leave it and tells him to stop making a fuss. Shock

DS starts to cry and pushes the plate away. At this time the party childs Mum says to Heli Mum he is allergic and goes to get him a fresh plate. She comes to me and says DS is upset.

I ask why and before she says anything the helicopter Mum (seeing party mum talking to me) storms over and tells me 'oh its all over ketchup, he wouldn't eat his food with it on the plate, said he's allergic'.

He is I said.

Heli Mum starts saying 'well I didn't know, I've never heard of the allergy'

The party childs mum apologised saying she hadn't said anything to the mum as hadn't seen or heard her come in and help. I said not a problem, probably my fault for staying in the cafe.

Heli mum started saying 'well thats true, I can't believe you left DS and risked his health, you all just sat there talking, I was the only one who came to check on the children, anything could have happened'. We were about 3m away FFS and the party hosts employed by soft play were there with the DC's Grin

I told her she was clearly an ignorant woman and should keep out of things she doesn't understand'.

Party childs mum says she's never invting heli mum DS again as the heli mum was a PITA. Sad

Oh dear IWBU wasn't I? Just annoyed me that heli mum wouldn't allow any child near her precious DS but practically calls my DS a liar - becuase she's never heard of it. Angry

AIBU though to now feel I don't want to leave my DS in case theres similar parents out there? Sad

OP posts:
mumbar · 16/02/2011 21:07

Blimey sorry its long. Blush

OP posts:
ImFab · 16/02/2011 21:09

YWNBU

Daft woman.

saffy85 · 16/02/2011 21:10

YANBU that woman sounds a tad unhinged.

BringOnTheGoat · 16/02/2011 21:11

YWNBU at all - heli is a loon!

pagwatch · 16/02/2011 21:11

You were not unreasonable to be annoyed with this woman

You are unreasonable to start questioning whether you should leave your son when he did exactly as he ought to, and the people over seeing the party knew he was allergic too.

MadameCastafiore · 16/02/2011 21:11

Depends on severity of alergy but I would have stayed with him to make sure that everyone was aware if it is that serious - it is what I do with DS.

pippibluestocking · 16/02/2011 21:11

You were most definitely NOT BU. What an awful woman!

Kerrianne · 16/02/2011 21:11

YABU to not want to leave him. Your son sounds like a very mature little boy who knows, and who told this woman in no uncertain terms that he's not to have it.

I think that's brilliant Grin

The heli mum's an arse Angry

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 16/02/2011 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acekicker · 16/02/2011 21:15

YANBU - and you deserve Wine for not having smacked her for telling a Yr2 child 'don't be silly you can't be allergic', you'd have had to physically restrain me if someone had told my child that.

lalabaloo · 16/02/2011 21:16

No way were you unreasonable, and good for your son that he knows what he is able to eat!

cheekeymonkey · 16/02/2011 21:16

Heli mum is a very stupid woman and obviously not well educated on either health issues or child psycology. A child in obvious panic is telling the truth surely?
Must be hell for you at parties knowing how serious allergies are?

MadamDeathstare · 16/02/2011 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

medicalmayhem · 16/02/2011 21:18

YANBU, the heli mum made a mistake and instead of apologising she tried to blag her way out of it, she butted in to help and the other mum just didnt see her starting to help out, i remember those days of small kids parties and its so hectic i couldnt tell you what was going on, your son seemed to know what to say, good for him, but heli mum sounds like a bit of a control freak TBH, i suppose the only small gripe i would have, is that i would of gone over when the food came out just to make sure he didnt get anything that he is allergic to,

MosEisley · 16/02/2011 21:18

Sounds like she was overly defensive because she knew she was in the wrong re. the ketchup.

Otherwise I don't think her behaviour is that unusual - Some mums are heli mums, and she was probably genuinely trying to help at tea time, even if it was a tad OTT.

But on the whole, YANBU.

Vallhala · 16/02/2011 21:18

YWNBU. Your son's far smarter than heli mum, good for him for putting the idiot woman straight.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/02/2011 21:19

No, she's nuts. You're normal.

unfitmother · 16/02/2011 21:23

YANBU, what a loon!

TragicallyisCuntinglyHip · 16/02/2011 21:23

What a bloody moron! Shock

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/02/2011 21:25

Why is everything to do with parties so very stressful? Confused

The helicopter Mum was OTT but honestly OP, if your DSs allergy is really that bad, why did it take party boy's Mum to intervene. Why didn't you?

Acekicker · 16/02/2011 21:26

AIBU though to now feel I don't want to leave my DS in case theres similar parents out there?

Missed this bit in my outrage at what she'd said sorry!

YADNBU to feel like that....but...take heart that even after the huge excitement of softplay and with the Helimonster bearing down on him he stuck to what you've taught him and said NO! That's a huge thing for a Yr2 child who is caught up in the excitement of a party and you should be really proud of him for having handled it that way (and you for having clearly done a cracking job teaching him how to handle his allergy).

Gemsy83 · 16/02/2011 21:26

She sounds mentally unwell the fool.

toeragsnotriches · 16/02/2011 21:28

YANBU. Her poor son. And yours.

Ooopsadaisy · 16/02/2011 21:31

I've never heard of a HeliMum but I now consider myself warned.

YANBU.

Your DC was a star.

mumbar · 16/02/2011 21:31

Thanks.

acelicker believe me I did want to slap her. Grin

His ketchup allergy is not bad - hives and swollen lip at worst. He does have severe allergic reactions to unknown (possibly airbourne) allergens. It is being investigated.

I try to give him freedom and he knows he can't eat ketchup - he won't even eat any beans, pasta, well anything in a tomato sauce if I'm not with him. It is not a tomato allergy but he worries. Sad

DS allergies are new and worsening, it is hard because he had just started to be left as I've realised he could have a reaction whether I'm there or not. It's dependent on adult/ child ratio IMO and how the party childs parents feel. EG if he has a reaction how confident they are to deal with it.

OP posts:
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