to have called this woman ignorant?

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DS has been to a party at a soft play. Food was included. It was booked out so about half the parents stayed for coffee in the cafe. This is next to the room where the children eat.

One Mum there whos DS is in the other Yr 2 class, very much a helicopter parent. Spent most of the party trying to deal with non-existant problems, mainly children swinging an arm or running within 3 feet of her DS. Rest of us just chatted.

The party Mum knows DS has allergies and that he can't eat ketchup due to ingredients. Also party host informed and she says they wouldn't offer it if it would be a danger to DS. Tell her its fine as long as he doen't eat it.

In the party room (35 children around a large table)and the party hosts (employed by soft play) are in the room whilst party childs Mum wanders between party room and cafe - the parents of DC's stayed in the cafe. Fairly loud in the room. Helicopter mum enters party room and goes around squirting ketchup onto the childrens plates saying 'who wants sauce' Gets to DS and asks and goes to squirt it (before he answers) and DS realising it is ketchup shouted said in a slightly panicky way 'no, no, I'm not allowed that'.

A little had already landed on the plate.

The Heli mum replies 'oh its a party I'm sure just this once will be fine'. DS says 'no, I'm allergic to it'.

Heli Mum says 'allergic?, what to ketchup?, Don't be silly you can't be allergic to it.' DS says he is and asks for a different plate and is told surely he can just eat the food and leave it and tells him to stop making a fuss.

DS starts to cry and pushes the plate away. At this time the party childs Mum says to Heli Mum he is allergic and goes to get him a fresh plate. She comes to me and says DS is upset.

I ask why and before she says anything the helicopter Mum (seeing party mum talking to me) storms over and tells me 'oh its all over ketchup, he wouldn't eat his food with it on the plate, said he's allergic'.

He is I said.

Heli Mum starts saying 'well I didn't know, I've never heard of the allergy'

The party childs mum apologised saying she hadn't said anything to the mum as hadn't seen or heard her come in and help. I said not a problem, probably my fault for staying in the cafe.

Heli mum started saying 'well thats true, I can't believe you left DS and risked his health, you all just sat there talking, I was the only one who came to check on the children, anything could have happened'. We were about 3m away FFS and the party hosts employed by soft play were there with the DC's

I told her she was clearly an ignorant woman and should keep out of things she doesn't understand'.

Party childs mum says she's never invting heli mum DS again as the heli mum was a PITA.

Oh dear IWBU wasn't I? Just annoyed me that heli mum wouldn't allow any child near her precious DS but practically calls my DS a liar - becuase she's never heard of it.

AIBU though to now feel I don't want to leave my DS in case theres similar parents out there?

medical mayhem Your right I maybe should have gone in. I admitted that to the heli mum. However everyone due to be involved in food knew DS couldn't have ketchup. I try not to heli mum DS - and believe me it is extremely hard at times.

lyingwitch I hadn't realised (neither had others) that heli mum had gone into the party room. Everyone had just left the children and the party hosts to it.

I had the same problem nearly, a family member telling us not to be ridiculous that you can't be allergic to ketchup and sure isn't he enjoying that big dollop I put in his burger when you weren't looking? All proud of herself of curing us of our bizarre notions until I showed her that DS's face was bright scarlet and his lips were twice normal size.
I might have pointed out that if she ever did anything like that again she might find her own face swelling up for a rather different reason...

YANBU. What a silly moo. Some Mums just don't know how to butt out! It's good that your DS can look after himself a bit! Just ignore HeliMum. What a load of old toot. :)

Buzz thats pretty much what DS reacts like. Only his bottom lip swells though.

I am very careful and ensure if when we go to mac D's or somelike I and order a burger I ask for it plain - no ketchup - as DS is allergic.

I have always been open, honest and matter of fact about it hoping DS will follow my lead and be sensible and informative.

I never bargained on people thinking its ketchup so can't be that bad.

my god i would have decked the silly boot. Well done your DS for standing up for himself and putting the loony bag in her place.

Buzz I am amazed you didn't deck her there and then!

YANBU and were very restrained. What a dangerous woman. You must be so proud of your son though OP.

Yes, xstitch I am proud of him.

Earlier on today he came home saying he'd only had an apple for lunch. He'd left his luchbox at school yesterday so I sent his spare and he took the wrong one to the dining hall. Silly Billy said nothing and just ate the apple so I gave him a lecture talk on how he needs to tell adults things are when they are not right. And when he realsed his other luchbox was in class he should have explained and asked to eat his sandwiches.

Its a relief to know he can speak up when it really counts.

this was helimum - wasn't it?

YANBU. I was recently at a 3rd birthday party and was opposite DD at the table. A mum (don't know her) came by and handed DD a sausage roll. We're vegan and so told the woman that DD wouldn't be eating it (DD had Linda McCartney sausage roll on her plate, so wasn't interested in the meat one anyway). The woman tutted and said that it was just a "Kiddie's party". Weird response, as I hadn't raised my voice or spoken harshly or anything.

So, don't worry about being away from the table. I was at the table and things still became difficult!

Thanks everyone.

I really do not want to helicopter DS and have learnt to put trust in him and parents in charge to do the right thing.

Another DC has a party at the same soft play next week and heli mums DS is invited. There is only going to be 10 children and I had planned on leaving DS. (party mum is a pead Dr - so he's in very safe hands!)

The party mum for next week was there tonight, she has text and said she'll keep heli mum out of the food room next week if I still want to leave DS. I have text back that I'll leave him and I don't think she'll do it again.

Glad to know IANBU.

Madamdeathstare Sorry just saw your post about not spreading it around. I won't do that as your right its unfair on heli mum DS. However there was about 20 year 2 parents there. Lets just hope they all have some other news to discuss in the playground tomorrow. . DS goes with local out of school club on the bus so I'm never in the playground.

Heli mum ROFL , heli mum the mum from hell he he he. Seriously though what a dreadful woman, hope I am not going to be like that. DD is 3.11 and has special needs (dont know what as she is still being assessed by paed, but probably Dyspraxia like me), with it comes insecurity of new situations so I would probley ask party mum if i could linger in the background so that dd could see me, and help with her at the meal, but nothing more.

Op- your sons sounds very sensible and under normal circumstances a "normal" parent would have accepted his refusal of the ketchup and there wouldn't have been an issue.

You said what you did after she was criticising you so don't worry. She does sound mad.

your poor child!

yanbu she sounds like a right prick!

your dc sounds lovely!

UPDATE: parents evening tonight. Bumped into heli mum who asked if DS OK as she hadn't seen him in the playground in the morning.

I told her he had had hospital appointment about his allergies. She tentively asked how it went. So I told her that since the severity of the last one affected his breathing he had been prescibed epi-pens.

The look of on her face said it all.I just hope all this upset has educated her though.

Now all I have to do is get my head around it and get the confidence to leave DS at places and not become heli mum myself.

Thanks for the update - it does sound as if she's realised she fucked up in a major way.

Hang on in there, it sounds like you've been round the allergy block enough times to know that these 'ups and downs' iyswim are par for the course. Give it a bit more time and you'll relax back into how you were and don't forget what a star your DS was and how well he can handle his allergy.

I feel a bit sorry for heli-mum's son not being invited again because of his mother, seems a bit unfair.

YADNBU

I would have smacked her in the mouth.

And well done to your DS, you must be very proud.

I have to admit I am kind of amused by this - it's so satisfying when something really vindicates you when you're being totally sane!

Do you think she realizes that her helicoptering might actually be counter-productive, given your DS has learnt such a mature attitude by being given a bit of responsibility for himself?

YANBU!! You said exactly the right thing to her.

My DS is 3 and his friends are around the same age, when we go to soft play we sit in the cafe bit, which is directly in front of the play area, and let them get on and play. They know where we are, its not a huge place. I keep an eye on roughly where DS is but they don't need us hovering over them non stop. Year 2 is plenty old enough to be 3m away! Your DS sounds very mature.

I know a helimum too and it is annoying!