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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Present dilemma....not sure if IABU

46 replies

shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:07

I really can't work out if IAMBU in relation to my birthday present from DP.

It was my birthday last week and I hadn't asked for a specific present. However, no big deal as usually DP will ask me what I would like and we will get it the following weekend.

This year, he bought me a nice bunch of flowers on the day which was much appreciated.

I thought I might want a pair of earrings. However, on the night of my birthday, he took me out for dinner (again very kind) and told me that he was going to take me away for the weekend. I suggested a few places that I would like to go but was told they were too far away so I kind of got a feeling that DP had a place in mind that he wanted to go to as it was a place that would like. It is very nice (of course) to take me away for the weekend. However, I didn't really get the feeling that it was a present for me.

I need a new phone. So tonight I was googling for deals. I found one which needs a £99 down payment on the phone. So I mentioned this to DP and said that, in fact, this would be a great present as I would really like an iphone. I would pay the monthly tariff.

DP then proceeded to tell me that I was "selfish" and "spoilt" and have rejected his lovely present. I pointed out that I don't actually feel that it is a present for me. I am taking him away for his birthday in April and he has chosen the hotel/location etc. I haven't been allowed any input as to hotel, location, date etc. Whilst it is a very kind present, I would actually prefer the downpayment. DP is now in an enormous huff.

After typing this, I realise that this no doubt appears extremely trivial. However, I am really upset at DP's reaction. I don't think I am being spoilt (prepares to stand corrected). My view is that if there is something that DP would like for his birthday, I will happily get it for him if I can afford it. I would rather return a present or buy something else that I had originally planned if he preferred it. DP, on the other hand, appears mortally offended by my rudeness.

AIBU?

OP posts:
mitochondria · 15/02/2011 22:08

Yes, I think you are a bit.

Original poster
shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:10

Blush but thanks for the quick response!

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 15/02/2011 22:11

yes

Onetoomanycornettos · 15/02/2011 22:11

Oh dear, he was dreaming of a romantic weekend, you'd rather have a phone. I tend to accept all presents as offered by my DH, including some less than tasteful necklaces/earrings over the years, he usually gets it right. I would be delighted to be taken away more or less anywhere for my birthday, so from this perspective, YABU.

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/02/2011 22:11

Aw. Not sure really. Sounds like a bit of an overreaction on his part, but he probably thought it would be a nice treat for you and it sounds like you've hurt his feelings. Can't you go on the weekend, and save up for a phone later?

maryjane71 · 15/02/2011 22:14

Buy yourself the phone anyway. He thought he was treating you. Why is it more for him?

Original poster
shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:14

Double Blush. You are all being so nice to me re this but I take the point.

I am literally quaking at the thought of the flaming to come. I was hoping you would all say he was being abusive and I should leave Grin

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/02/2011 22:15

How do you know he has not already booked it so shelled out for it already?

Maybe that is why he is huffed about it because he has already paid for it?

radiohelen · 15/02/2011 22:15

Got to say - you do seem a bit ungrateful! If you wanted a phone you should have brought the subject up earlier... you can't just lay it out last minute after the weekend has been mooted and expect him to be happy!
I find many men to be a bit stoopid on this front... they need guidance, specific guidance and a map to the shop, when confronting the present minefield.

Memoo · 15/02/2011 22:16

A very gentle yabu

cunexttuesonline · 15/02/2011 22:16

You've had flowers, dinner, you're getting a weekend away and then you asked for an iphone?! I think YABU! Is it a 30th/40th birthday?

whydobirdssuddenlyappear · 15/02/2011 22:17

You should leave him. Controlling git Grin
In all seriousness, he probably had visions of a lovely romantic getaway, as Onetoomany said, and now he's gutted that you'd apparently rather fondle an iphone.
Oh and I wish my DH would do something half as romantic as that.

Original poster
shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:17

He definitely hasn't Fabby. I know he was planning to take me to a very nice hotel in the city centre but decided not to. However, as we live 4 miles from the city centre, I was a bit puzzled by that one Confused.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/02/2011 22:20

You got flowers, and dinner and a holiday.. and you are still moaning.. lol...

I got a card today... thats it. And he asked me if I wanted to KFC tonight..

And he is wondering why I cant be arsed to speak to him at the moment.

Original poster
shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:21

Just for the avoidance of doubt. I wanted the iphone and not the weekend. Not both. On re-reading, that makes me sound soooo much better Grin.

Christ, I'm the Mumsnet equivalent of Violet Beauregard in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

This is awful, I will now have to namechange and give DP a BJ tonight!

OP posts:
eviscerateyourmemory · 15/02/2011 22:21

Did your DP have some bigger plan for the weekend that he now feels you have rejected? Im probably completely wrong, but the first thought that came to my mind reading the OP was to wonder if your DP had been planning to propose, and that is why he was so upset when you wanted a phone instead?

Original poster
shinyblackgrape · 15/02/2011 22:25

No - we are engaged already.

Although DP was muttering that the wedding might be off when I went upstairs to go to bed flounced out of the room to come on here and discuss his cruel tendancies Blush.

Do threads in AIBU disappear?

OP posts:
cat64 · 15/02/2011 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cat64 · 15/02/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maryz · 15/02/2011 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shinydiscoball · 15/02/2011 22:29

Oh dear, in my opinion yes, YABU sorry.

He may have been planning to go somewhere that he woudl like, but what's wrong with wanting to share somewhere he thinks is nice with you??

I agree with giving him an, ahem, treat tonight! Grin There was a thread recently with some fantastic tips...

Nothing but crossed wires really, accept gift with thanks, say sorry, and in future tell him exactly what you want to avoid disappointment

sayithowitis · 15/02/2011 22:30

Could it be that the weekend 'away' was in fact going to be a surprise honeymoon after a surprise wedding that he has planned for you? note to self must stop watching don't tell the bride

LaWeaselMys · 15/02/2011 22:30

Another YABU, sorry.

If you have children/live in a terrace the city centre hotel was probably so you could have loud sex and not worry about neighbours/infants.

Someone asked me and DH what we were going to do with a weekend away voucher we got for our wedding. Was very hard not to say "FGS woman, we are going away to have SEX I don't give a stuff about 'local activities'!"

fidelma · 15/02/2011 22:31

Yes it does sound like there should be more to it.
However he should of presented it all to you at the dinner.He has been a little slow and it does sound like he hadn't got it organised before your birthday.

If it realy is just a city break 4 miled away I am a little puzzled.

More comunication needed.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/02/2011 22:31

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

He gets to choose where go for his birthday and he gets to choose where to go for yours?

Hardly a present for you.

Smells like shit to me.

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