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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at neighbours for leaving my DS alone at their house?

37 replies

PlanC · 15/02/2011 22:06

Neighbour (bloke - his wife was still at work) left his 2 boys (aged 6 and 10) and my son (7) alone at his house and drove off to 'post a letter' (nearest postbox not particularly near). He told them not to leave the house. I only realised when I saw him driving back (yes, I was at home, he could have left them with me). Had it out with him there and then and he agreed he was wrong. He has since told his wife that he didn't know they were in the house (??!), but that anyway it's OK to leave kids of this age home alone for a few minutes. Am I a stressy mother from hell to still be furious several days later or does he deserve the fireworks I have set off since? Please be honest, I can take it. WW3 is going on in my street!

OP posts:

A1980 · 15/02/2011 22:08

It's fine to leave kids of that age alone for a few minutes. My mum used to go to the shops and leave my brother and I alone for a few minutes at that age.

YABU and a stressy mother from hell (sorry)

elmofan · 15/02/2011 22:09

YANBU

He should not have left them alone.

A1980 · 15/02/2011 22:10

Sorry meant to add I thought when I saw the title that they'd been left alone for a long long period of time to fend for themselves. But even 10-15 mins at that age is fine. No different to the being upstairs alone while you're downstairs.

dearprudence · 15/02/2011 22:11

How can he claim he didn't know they were in the house if his wife was at work?

How long were they alone for?

I wouldn't leave someone else's child without checking.

exoticfruits · 15/02/2011 22:11

I wouldn't leave someone else's DC, because I wouldn't know how they might react and whether they would stick to my rules, but I would certainly leave my own just to post a letter if the elder one was 10yrs old.

Tryharder · 15/02/2011 22:12

Well, he was definitely a bit unreasonable to leave someone else's child alone like that but you are being very unreasonable to still creating merry hell over it days later. It happened, they survived so let it go....

SlightlyTubbyHali · 15/02/2011 22:13

YANBU. He can make the decision to leave his 7 year old alone if he likes. It is not open to him to make that decision for yours.

magicmummy1 · 15/02/2011 22:14

YAB a tiny bit U, in my opinion, but it really depends on the children and on how far the postbox is from the house.

My dd is 5, and I would never, ever leave her alone in the house, even for a couple of minutes. But I think it's a bit different for a child of ten, assuming that the kid is sensible.

I have never lived anywhere which was more than about a 2-minute drive from the nearest post-box, and so I am finding it hard to imagine that the father was away for more than five minutes. But perhaps it was further than this.

Either way, it would have been infinitely more sensible of the dad to have popped over to your house and asked you to keep an eye on things for a couple of minutes, so I can understand why you are pissed off.

CarGirl · 15/02/2011 22:15

He was unreasonable to leave your child there without checking with you it was okay - just bizarre tbh.

squeakytoy · 15/02/2011 22:16

I cant see a postbox being more than five minutes DRIVE away from anywhere... and I wouldnt have gone mad... they could have been playing outside unsupervised at that age

magicmummy1 · 15/02/2011 22:17

Hmm, I assumed that the dad meant he didn't know your DS was in the house - not that he didn't realise his own kids were there!

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2011 22:17

I had this happen to me when DD1 was 7 and her friend was 6, I wasn't asked or told afterwards by the mum.

I was really pissed off, didn't say anything, but because of this and other stuff I was a bit about, she just didn't go round again.

YANBU, it's not the friends dads decision to make on your behalf.

NancyDrewHadaClue · 15/02/2011 22:17

I would leave my own children (who are younger) alone for a few minutes.

But I wouldn't leave someone elses child without being sure that their parent was Ok with it.

YABU to be angry about it days after the event.

Why was your child there? Was it a formal arrangement or had he popped round to play without an invite?

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/02/2011 22:18

I think you are overreacting.

For some people it is absolutely no big deal to leave their children alone for a short time.

Because of this, they might not consider it to be a big deal for other parents of similar aged kids.

So he made an assumption (incorrectly) that it would be fine with you. But he was not being reckless or malicious - so you probably do need to get over it.

magicmummy1 · 15/02/2011 22:19

But AgentZigzag, leaving a 6yo and 7yo alone on their own is somewhat different from leaving them with an older child, no?

And presumably only for five minutes?

Hulababy · 15/02/2011 22:19

YANBU

My DD is 8y and I wouldn't leave her alone in the house. I certainly wouldn't leave another person's child at that age.

I would be annoyed if another parent decided to leave my child in this way.

Hassled · 15/02/2011 22:21

I think you just have to accept that people see this sort of thing very very differently.

In my view it wasn't his call to make - he might see it as fine, and that's fair enough, but he shouldn't assume that you'd think it fine. You can make those assumptions when they're older, not at 7.

But if it's standard for him, then he's likely to assume it's standard for everyone. So yes, I see why you're cross (and I would be too), but don't make it too huge. It's not worth WW3.

onceamai · 15/02/2011 22:21

Not unreasonable to leave his own but he shoudl have checked with you first.

Vallhala · 15/02/2011 22:22

YANBU. I wouldn't have left my own children at that age, much less those of another parent. It's not for him to decide whether it's acceptable to leave your child unattended. I'd have 'ripped him a new one'.

cat64 · 15/02/2011 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2011 22:25

Its funny you should say that magic

I thought it'd be fine to leave my DD1 (10) while I nipped to the shop with DD2.

I called her to say I'd be about five mins before I came back, got a call a min later to say she'd opened the door to a woman, and told her her parents weren't at home

Two things I told her, don't open the door to anyone but me, and to call me if she was worried about anything.

She thought it was me at the door (not thinking that it couldn't be if I'd said I'd be five mins), but she can't have checked properly, the woman could have barged her way in and done anything.

A 10 YO just doesn't have the experience to deal with situations as they come up, it happens so quickly even an adult has difficulty sometimes.

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2011 22:27

And I'm saying that because I would not be happy that a 10 YO had full responsibility for two younger children.

If anything happened, they would feel responsible and guilty, and I don't think that's fair.

exoticfruits · 15/02/2011 22:29

A 10 yr old will never get the experience to deal with situations if he is never in the situation!

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2011 22:38

True exotic.

I've left her on her own a few times and repeated the few rules each time, and she broke the most important one.

And it's not just 'a paedo around every corner' mentality on my part, because she did open the door to a stranger.

It could be argued another 10 YO may be different, but I would doubt it, they're 10, and are only just learning to make assessments about the world they're in.

Ormirian · 15/02/2011 22:41

Yes you are a stressy mother from hell, especially if you are still 'letting off fireworks' days later.

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