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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious at neighbours for leaving my DS alone at their house?

37 replies

PlanC · 15/02/2011 22:06

Neighbour (bloke - his wife was still at work) left his 2 boys (aged 6 and 10) and my son (7) alone at his house and drove off to 'post a letter' (nearest postbox not particularly near). He told them not to leave the house. I only realised when I saw him driving back (yes, I was at home, he could have left them with me). Had it out with him there and then and he agreed he was wrong. He has since told his wife that he didn't know they were in the house (??!), but that anyway it's OK to leave kids of this age home alone for a few minutes. Am I a stressy mother from hell to still be furious several days later or does he deserve the fireworks I have set off since? Please be honest, I can take it. WW3 is going on in my street!

OP posts:

Original poster

PlanC · 15/02/2011 22:52

Thanks everyone for your comments and putting this into perspective. I probably am being U. My motherly hormones are in overdrive.
The 10 yr old only turned 10 a few weeks ago but he is v. sensible. His brother (6) is not (and has asthma and an eppi pen - what if that had flared up when they were alone?), and my DS (7) is immature for his age (I love him to bits, but I'm sorry, he is). Also they fight a lot when they are together. I think I am just annoyed at the unnecessary risk my child was put in. I just feel that someone could have pushed another down the stairs or something like that.

OP posts:

Portofino · 15/02/2011 22:53

At the weekend I have kids in and out. My rules are that dd (6 going on 16) has to tell me if she is going in to a neighbours house (as opposed to being outside) and I always check with kids who come to me that their parents know where they are.

The other weekend, I "discovered" an extra child, who snuck in without me knowing. Apparently she had been in for ages. Her dad came to call, and breezily asked if Lisa was with me, told me he had to go somewhere for work, and then cleared off again, leaving me open mouthed on the doorstep. This child was about 3. And dutch speaking. I don't speak much dutch, and neither do any of the (older) girls.

I concluded that some parents just don't give a shit. She cried at one point. I asked if she wanted a drink, and where was Mama. In Holland apparently! As I had never seen her before I concluded it was a "visit" and shuddered at the thought that some poor woman thought daddy was looking after Lisa, when in fact she was dumped at my house for several hours. And he didn't even know for sure WHERE she was.....

secondcity · 15/02/2011 23:01

I don't think it necessarily means the parents 'don't give a shit' portofino. Some nationalities are far more relaxed about leaving their children alone, Where I live all the children are in and out of each other's houses and playing outside unsupervised from about 3 years old, it is lovely, it teaches the kids to all look out for each other. In answer to the OP, yes I think YABU, it was only for a few minutes and maybe he really didn't know your child was there.

MollieO · 15/02/2011 23:12

YANBU. A 10 yr old is too young to be left in charge of younger children for any length of time.

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/02/2011 23:16

I think this is the most over-debated topic on MN - with the possible exception of childfree weddings .

Blu · 15/02/2011 23:18

What 'fireworks' have you set of since? What is this WW3?
You were right to tell him at the time that you weren't happy, the children are OK, it won't happen again - that should be the end of it, surely?

brass · 15/02/2011 23:19

I have 2 thoughts on this given the ages involved...

If you leave the house, something could happen to you and how would anyone know?

If you take charge of someone else's child you do have a duty of care regardless of what your own children are used to.

cory · 16/02/2011 08:22

I would always be far more careful of somebody else's children than I would of my own, and particularly bear in mind that other parents may have other ideas about safety. Also, that parents who do want to encourage independence probably want to decide for themselves when to start. So yes, I think your neighbour was BU.

PomonaTodd · 16/02/2011 08:29

I'm starting to consider leaving DS (7) on his own for short periods of time. I wouldn't leave someone else's child - it is their decision to make, not mine.

GiddyPickle · 16/02/2011 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nomoreheels · 16/02/2011 10:53

By the time I was 10 I was responsible for bringing my two sisters home with me on the school bus, so had to make sure they got on with me. I had a key to let us in. Sometimes I would make snacks or a very simple tea (think heating up a can of beans or something, but still using the cooker, and making toast.)

My mum had no choice as she had to work, and my dad didn't get home til later on. I remember having sisterly rows from time to time, but nothing too major or dangerous.

I also used to walk to school on my own from the age of 6 when we lived in a suburb - about a 10-15 minute walk. I used to walk home and back for lunch too.

Edinburghlass · 16/02/2011 15:45

Interesting reading - my daughter is younger so maybe my views will change as she gets older, but I think I would never leave kids of this age at home unattended, mine or someone else's

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