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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very pissed off with dh

27 replies

bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:10

Dh has got to pick up dd2 from a playdate tonight. He asked me what time he should go for on his way from work. I said 6.45-7. At 6.50 he rings - he's just leaving the office 45 minutes away and he needs to get petrol! He asked that I ring the mum and tell her. I said no I would get the number and he could do it and he got really grumpy and said it would delay him blah blah. So I had to do it.

Aibu to be very pissed off. This is not the first time - he always does this. He stays at work too late, cuts things too fine and I end up feeling stupid and putting on people and making excuses for him. Really mad about it.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/02/2011 19:11

Then in future don't ask him to do anything if he cannot be relied upon.

If you know how bad he is why did you not ring him at 6 to ensure he was on schedule?

Sometimes you gotta kick them hard to get them into gear.

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:12

I don't think I should have to kick him - and if I do it's make no bloody difference anyway.

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TrailMix · 15/02/2011 19:13

You should have refused to make the call if this happens a lot.

Alternately, pick up DD2 yourself and then fail to ring him. Say you meant to, but it would have delayed you...

TheProvincialLady · 15/02/2011 19:14

I bet he doesn't do that at work. He is perfectly capable of organising himself and making his own excuses when he is late, but he knows that you will pick up the slack for him. Next time, make sure he has the relevant phone number before he leaves for work, and refuse to get involved beyond that.

Your dd won't be getting many playdates if the parent collecting her is an hour late thoughSad

baskingseals · 15/02/2011 19:14

op yanbu - bloody annoying

thisisyesterday · 15/02/2011 19:14

stop doing it for him then

he needs to take responsibility.

so... next time just refuse!

fluffles · 15/02/2011 19:15

my dh is always overly optimistic in terms of what he can get done and the length of short journeys.

i hate it, but i never take responsibility for it, they are his actions and do not reflect on me even if i did choose to marry him.

TheProvincialLady · 15/02/2011 19:15

Fabbychic he is an adult and she is not his mother, so it shouldn't be necessary to remind him and chase him up, or let him off his parental duties.

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:16

I wll do that with the numbers. I can't get her as am at other side of city with other dcs and no car. FFS I should be able to ask him to do this without a row!

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AlaskaHQ · 15/02/2011 19:16

YANBU.

Real pain for the family hosting the playdate though - depending on age of kids, around 7pm is bath/starting bedtime etc...

Can you go and pick her up instead?

But I would have an "annoyed chat" about it later.

compo · 15/02/2011 19:17

Do you work? I ask only because it's generally the parent at home who does all this ferrying about
otherwise organise stuff in the holidays or weekends

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:17

I couldn't not ring - wouldn't want them to think child was abandoned. It should be ok re bedtime - we aren't talking about really little dcs here and they only have one.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:18

Yes I work.

OP posts:
compo · 15/02/2011 19:19

Don't organise things for when you're both at work then

TrailMix · 15/02/2011 19:19

Arrange to have DD2 sitting outside the playdate house, lights out, looking orphan-like and accusatory?

squeakytoy · 15/02/2011 19:20

Surely it depends on what his job is. Not everyone can clock off at their precise finishing time. Even in an office you cant put a phone down on someone just because the big hand has hit hometime. It is called a responsibility to your job.

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:20

Compo - children would never do anything in that case!

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thisisyesterday · 15/02/2011 19:20

yes, you can not ring

you can say to him "you're the one who is late... you make the phone call"

he won't start taking responsibility until you stop picking up the pieces after him.

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:24

He has a responsible job but so do I and I leave when I need to if I'm getting the dcs. I know why he's so late - it's because he couldn't be arsed to get up this morning so was later in so stayed later to finish.

I also know why I'm so pissed off - it's because I work and get the kids all the time basically and I asked him to do this and it's apparently such a hard fucking task that he's stuffed it up.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/02/2011 19:30

Did he know this morning that he should have been leaving on time today though?

TheProvincialLady · 15/02/2011 19:31

Yes, on purpose I bet so you don't ask next time.

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:32

I will ask next time! They're his dcs too!

I don't think he would engineer anything tbh. Just deeply annoying.

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atthecarwash · 15/02/2011 19:33

How annoying. I too can't rely on my DH for anything..

Hellebore1 · 15/02/2011 19:41

I definitely don't agree with the not asking them to do anything approach, all that happens then is that you end up doing everything!

I would call him in advance to remind him of the arrangement.

My dp makes such a performance out of anything I ask him to do, and asks so many stupid questions that I don't ask anymore. Result - he sits on his fat lazy ar*s while I do everything. Angry

Original poster
bloomingdh · 15/02/2011 19:47

Hellebore - we'd done the reminder thng already. He knew ok - just didn't prioritise it!

Anyway he's just rung and has dc in the car. He apologised and thanked me for calling. Am still v cross but I guess thats something at least.

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