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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel scared of dying?

43 replies

VictoriaSecretSparkle · 15/02/2011 14:40

Name changed.

Been here on and off for a few years and noticed alot of people get worked up about lots of different things no matter how big or small(myself included!!)

My biggest worry is dying.I worry about when and how I will die ALL THE TIME.

I have 2 dc(1 baby and 1 toddler).I have a much older OH.He doesn't think about this type of thing and says 'it's a fact of life'.

Does anyone else out there worry?
Can't get away from the stories on the news about things happening to poor children or anyone for that matter and makes me realise anything can happen to any of us at anytime.

Sorry if I've depressed you..
Just wondered if anyone else thinks like this..

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 15/02/2011 14:44

Your DH is right, of course. Most people think about mortality occasionally, I expect. And when you become a parent your 'danger monitor' does go into overdrive a little, you're more conscious of hazards and the 'what if something happened' scenarios can be thrown into sharp relief. But if the worry about dying is getting in the way of you leading a normal life, if it's making you irrationally anxious, then you should talk to your GP. Depression and anxiety are very common and quite treatable.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/02/2011 14:44

Hi Victoria,
I think it's something that women tend to think about more when they have small children depending on them. You fear leaving them vulnerable. It's also something that we have absolutely no control over and that is scary.

While i think it is normal to think about these things, it shouldn't be consuming you,, and i think you should maybe talk to your doctor for some proper advice.

onehotmomma · 15/02/2011 14:45

Yes I worry about it too. My worst fears is me dying while my kids are still young :( It will randomly pop into my head and I get really depressed about it.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 14:47

I'm frightened of dying painfully. fire, drowing... anything other than asleep in my bed, basically Grin

It is scary. But there's also sod all we can do about it and that being the case, it is pointless to obsess about it.

Giving over your life to worrying about your death won't stop it from happening. So you need to find a way to accept that you are going to die and you have no idea when and you have no control over it.

If you can come to terms with that, it will lose its power over you.

LadyOfTheManor · 15/02/2011 14:47

I took out life insurance after reading a thread on here and told my dh to do the same, he said;

"Oh I don't need that, I won't die until ds is much older and I'll sort it then"

What when your dead? Hmm

I took out joint life insurance last week so he can piss off can like it or lump it.

I'm not scared about it, but I think it's important to be prepared. I'm more scared about losing my ds/dh and having to live without either one. The thought of that makes me want to cry.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 14:47

drowning, I meant. obviously.

DirtyMartini · 15/02/2011 14:48

I worry about it sometimes too, to the point of needing a little cry, and I am not generally an anxious person. It scares me to think of leaving the dc :(

LadyOfTheManor · 15/02/2011 14:48

I also have a phobia of dying during child birth. That made labour interesting, but after my ds was delivered (normally, at home after 4 hours) I got over it. Realised there's more in life than to dwell on that!

Like the other poster said, come to terms with it and it'll be fine.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 14:49

Your husband knows he won't die until your son is much older?

wow. Lucky man.

How did he discover the date of his death? Can we all access that information for ourselves?

  • I'm actually suggesting you ask him this Grin
LadyOfTheManor · 15/02/2011 14:50

Yes. He's ridiculous. Ignore him. I do.

peggotty · 15/02/2011 14:50

You sound like you are suffering from anxiety and depression. I became aware that I was depressed and got help after I became a bit too obsessed with the whole Baby P case. You can't enjoy life when you are constantly worrying about dying. Go to your gp and explain these feelings - they will understand and be able to help you. Good luck.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/02/2011 14:53

I think everybody thinks about this at some point, you're not unreasonable.

The biggest worry people often have is that they are unprepared and what will DH/DW/DC do without them, perhaps the more practical aspects. If you can get these sorted out, you can at least be confident that the practicalities are sorted out.

Other than that, just get on with enjoying your life. It's not a dress rehearsal and hopefully, you won't know when you'll die, it will just happen. If you really think you need some help getting to grips, see a professional, your GP can recommend someone, I'm sure.

In the meantime, try not to worry... :)

sparkle12mar08 · 15/02/2011 14:56

I dwell on this quite a bit too. I'm not afraid of being dead as such and I don't believe in an afterlife. I'm sad beyond words that I wouldn't see my children again but when you're dead, you're dead. What does terrify me is thinking about how I might die, the thought of being in a fire or of drowning for example, where for a few moment I would realise that I was going to die, my god that terrifies me beyond words. So if I'm going to die I want it instantaneously please!

nikki1978 · 15/02/2011 14:59

My fear of death tends to come out in anxeity about my health (or worries about apocalyse type scenarios if I read something on hear or the news when something worrying happens in the world).

Generally I tend to keep it in check but I needed 2 years of therapy to do so. It has reared it's ugly head again so I am off to therapy tonight.

If this is consuming your everyday thoughts then get seen as it can easily spiral into anxiety/panic/depression.

NHS waiting lists are long so if you can see someone privately do. I pay £32 a session which is probably average. If you have private healthcare cover you can sometimes get a bit from that.

You will most likely be offered medication to get you through while you are waiting to be seen and until you feel better so you might want to think if you are happy to take this. I never have but I am funny about taking drugs. They work well for millions of people.

Yes death can be scary. Most of us will live until old age. The better you take care of your body and mind the longer you will live and the better you will feel. You need to get yourself to a point where you can have the idea of your death come to your mind and just be able to shrug it off. It is a difficult one as it is a worry that will come true for everyone but hopefully it will be far in the future when we have lived long happy lives and are ready for it. My therapist has worked with many dying people and told me how everyone she has come across has been ready to go when they died.

nikki1978 · 15/02/2011 15:05

I think I am unusual in not being afraid of dying itself but I am afraid of not existing anymore and never seeing my DH and DCs again. If they all died before me I would not be afraid to go - I would probably be desperate to in case the afterlife did exist and I got to see them again!

God that is depressing. Lucky I am off to therapy tonight!

itsatiggerday · 15/02/2011 15:11

As people have said above, there are practical steps you can take to deal with some of the anxieties - making sure your children will be cared for and raised by people you trust and provided for financially. And I'd echo that it would be worth discussing with your GP as it may be that your anxiety is actually depression.

The thought that I might not see my children grow up and be around to raise them does make me grieve if I dwell on it, but I'm a Christian and trusting that God has already, at great cost to himself, made me his child now and for eternity and to whom I can entrust my family, means I need have no fear. Tbh, it's what helps me with anxiety even though I am around - I do my best but can't protect them from everything.

scottishmummy · 15/02/2011 15:15

worryingly morbidly that impacts upon rl,daily life isnt helpful.and causes you to dwell on what ifs,rather than what you have

and yes anything could happen to anyone us- but just because it could doesnt mean it will

for sure you,me,our dc are all going to die.thats fact.the how/when/where is the unknown

if this impacts adversely upon your life is it related to a low mood/depression?is there anything health wise happening around you?

take stock on what you have ,rather on what ifs

Original poster
VictoriaSecretSparkle · 15/02/2011 15:35

Thankyou so much everyone for your repliesSmile
Lady-the life insurance idea is something I need to do hadn't even thought of thatBlush
Karma,Onehot and Dirty-so I'm not alone in the way I think although you're right that maybe I'm too consumed and need to speak to someone.
Scottishmummy-nothing happening that's too bad around me.I should count myself lucky I guess.Thanks for the reply.
itsatiggerday-will take that advice on board.
I'm also a Christian but find it very hard to believe in the 'afterlife'.(Wish I did)Smile
Hecate and Sparkle-the thought of a painful death bloody hell that's what I think of all the time and being told you only have x amount of months leftShock

OP posts:
Original poster
VictoriaSecretSparkle · 15/02/2011 15:41

Peggoty,Chil and lying-think I may have a little bit of PND-I had it before just thought I was over it..

And Nikki-thankyou for the reply.I think talking to someone would help me.All I do is over think and worry and cry.
I hope you're therapy session goes well tonight.
It's something I should consider to sort this weird head of mine outSmile

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 15/02/2011 15:56

How's your health in other respects? Are you getting enough sleep? Good nutrition? Have you got interesting things to look forward to? Have you had any colds or viruses recently?... It's much tougher to deal with run-of-the-mill worries if you are bored, tired, run-down, your diet's poor etc., and being the mum of two could mean that your coping facilities are a little stretched. Sometimes physical imbalances can feel like you have a 'weird head'

I'd still recommend talking to a GP. In the meantime do as much as you can to boost your physical wellbeing with plenty of rest, good food, vitamin supplements etc.

FabbyChic · 15/02/2011 15:57

Im not afraid of dying, but I do worry that I may die before my children have children. Im 46.

ednurse · 15/02/2011 15:58

I don't worry about dying, I work in hospitals so used to life and death. I think I'm less worried because I don't have any DC...when I do, who knows?

HildegardVonBlingen · 15/02/2011 16:02

Watching with great interest (unfortunately! I know how the OP feels...)

nikki1978 · 15/02/2011 16:04

"And Nikki-thankyou for the reply.I think talking to someone would help me.All I do is over think and worry and cry."

I have always been a big thinker and day dreamer. Turns out thinking too much can send you mad ;) I hope you can get some help. It is sad to waste part of the one life you get to live feeling worried and sad. I wish I could never worry again. It would make life a lot easier!

autoimmune · 15/02/2011 17:17

im knew what does dd mean and dc and oh im puzzled at all the a abbreviations on here.

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