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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel scared of dying?

43 replies

VictoriaSecretSparkle · 15/02/2011 14:40

Name changed.

Been here on and off for a few years and noticed alot of people get worked up about lots of different things no matter how big or small(myself included!!)

My biggest worry is dying.I worry about when and how I will die ALL THE TIME.

I have 2 dc(1 baby and 1 toddler).I have a much older OH.He doesn't think about this type of thing and says 'it's a fact of life'.

Does anyone else out there worry?
Can't get away from the stories on the news about things happening to poor children or anyone for that matter and makes me realise anything can happen to any of us at anytime.

Sorry if I've depressed you..
Just wondered if anyone else thinks like this..

OP posts:

fedupofnamechanging · 15/02/2011 17:21

dd is dear/darling daughter, dc is dear children, oh is other half. there is a list at the top of the page (acronyms)

autoimmune · 15/02/2011 17:28

tank you i hadnt spotted it, new to this computer lark.

itsatiggerday · 15/02/2011 17:51

Victoria - someone sent me a link to an article written by a minister who knew he was dying (a while back, I think he might have died now) and there's a part in it that says this:

"My death forces me to face the resurrection of Jesus. No longer is it a bald fact of history for me. It is of crucial significance for every person who faces their own death honestly. Until I am dead, I cannot know what will happen to me after my death. But Jesus has already risen. If I know him now, I will know him then. He is my assurance in dying, and his resurrection is central to Christianity."

Not sure what in particular you struggle with in believing in an afterlife, but Jesus does promise us we will be with him. Hope that helps a bit.

maltesers · 15/02/2011 18:06

You are not alone.
I think about it a lot and worry how I will die, , ,and I am prob older than you. I'm 52 with 2 grown up kids and a 10 yr old DS.

Ryoko · 15/02/2011 18:09

I don't think about it at all, Death is a part of life, you are born you will die that is the way of things.

No point worrying about it, my grandma is 103 and people get run over and stuff all the time so no point worrying about it at all.

I'm totally Blasé on the matter in fact when others die it doesn't bother me, it's just c'est la vie.

IMO YABU, get on with life.

scottishmummy · 15/02/2011 18:27

ive seen a lot of life and death,makes me value the here and now. i dont sweat the what ifs

Jellykat · 15/02/2011 18:40

I agree scottishmummy, i have seen a lot of it too.
It will happen to us all, absolutely no point in worrying about it.

The important thing is to be thankful you are here,and make the most of it.. There are many that should still be here,but weren't as 'lucky' as we are.

cabbageroses · 15/02/2011 19:32

I think that thinking every day about dying is a good thing; it makes you acutely aware of how you have to live your life now and it's a not a dress rehearsal ( cliche yes).

I think some people are deeper thinkers and more sensitive, that's all. Some people don't think about it at all. Neither is right ot wrong- it's how you are.

I worry about how I will die- who will be there- if anyone- and what I will die of. it's not a sign of depression- just showing that you feel your mortality.

I think people who talk in cliches such as it will happen, nothing you can do about it etc etc are insensitive and missing the point.

Maybe they have never really thought about the fact that one day they will cease to exist.....

I certainly have not come to terms with that thought yet- although i can intellectualise it, I cannot really accept it.

scottishmummy · 15/02/2011 20:16

death is inevitable,we can prolong and sustain life due to medical and pharmacological advances - but cannot prevent death

we all die.the exact circumstances,and time vary widely and range from well managed closure to traumatic unplanned

talking about death as inevitable,or it happens is far from insensitive.it is statement of fact

naturally we adjust our responses and interventions according to the circumstance and our relationship with the bereaved

but you know what - we all die
nothing can be done about it

Jellykat · 15/02/2011 20:17

I think people who talk in cliches such as it will happen,nothing you can do about it etc etc are missing the point

Maybe they have never really thought about the fact that one day they will cease to exist..

cabbageroses -
My dad died suddenly when i was 13.
I lost 2 best friends through AIDS when i was 22.
My partner died suddenly from a heartattack at 38.
I found my grandmother dead 2 years ago.
1 1/2 years ago, my then partners' childrens' mum died of breast cancer...

No, do not think for one minute that i am 'missing the point', or unaware that it can happen to me personally at any time!!

scottishmummy · 15/02/2011 20:25

i am wholly aware of my mortality and my dc and loved ones and indeed "have really thought about the fact that one day they will cease to exist" by
making a will
and financial planning
and advanced health directive (living will) detailing my preferences and dnr terms

Jellykat · 15/02/2011 20:41

Yep, same, scottishmummy- I too have made a will.

Yet seems because we have stated that 'it will happen' and 'there is nothing we can do about it', we haven't thought about it

scottishmummy · 15/02/2011 20:57

i completely understand the mental,emotional and social ramifications of mortality

because yes death happens,it is inevitable.nothing can do about it
and i dont fear it
dont like impact of it

thatwasntverycleverwasit · 15/02/2011 21:18

Nikki 1978 - me too. This is exactly how I feel. I will wake in the night and the realisation that I will cease to exist almost winds me and leaves me distraught. I have struggled with it since I was a child.
So no OP, YANBU!

lightermornings · 15/02/2011 21:23

I am exactly the same but for me it go so bad I had to go to the doctors. It was all I thought about I couldn't eat could barely get through the day. I'm now on ad's and have my first counselling session on friday. The tablets have helped me in that I can now function ie. go to work , eat cook for my dc's without throwing up. It may be worth a visit to the doctors if you feel it's affecting your life.

A1980 · 15/02/2011 22:33

YANBU

I'm scared too. Mainly becasue I am not deeply religious and don't believe in the afterlife. The void is what terrifies me even though I wont be conscious of it or of anything.

It makes me depressed as it's the only thing in life I can be certain of, that I will die.

I just try not to think about it too much.

scottishmummy · 16/02/2011 00:04

yes mortality is a certainty.an absolute

maltesers · 16/02/2011 08:57

Lightermornings you poor old thing. . .you have had a difficult time dealing with one of lifes inevitables. . .(Cant spell)
I hope you , VictoriaSecretSParkle (lovely nickname!) realise now you are with us all and we all think along the same lines.
Its only human to think and worry about this concept. Its means you are a thoughtful, intelligent, sensitive, caring, spiritual (in what ever way ) person.
We are all fragile, 'helpless' human beings and are not incontrol of everything that happens to us. . .namely Death.

Going to church has helped me realise that we go on after death .

People who have had near death experiences say its,
a most loving, wonderful place where you feel totally safe, secure and euphoric . . .I think this is Gods love, and that is where you go to. . . .His all loving embrace.

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