To hate it when people say "i only intend to get married once"

[MrsSparkle]

and also when people say "you hear of all these people getting divorced these days and there is no way we want that to happen to us" >>>smug emotion

Agree. We had a priest who actually stood up and said what you have just said once!

YANBU. I do however know people who, although intend to marry only once, think it will not be the end of the world if they get divorced. This is before they are even married. So I think what people might mean is that they take longer to check the relationship is permanent before getting married, rather than rushing into it, to try and make sure they have done everything possible to ensure it is for life.

Agree, however I think that some people just don't think before they say stuff.

dh is my second husband. I would have preferred it if my first dh had not been violent and then I would probably still be married to him. :)

I think it is very short sighted of people to make such comments. So many people have been divorced (and many of my newer friends don't even know, it's not a secret, just irrelevant now) People are a bit if it does get mentioned in conversation.

A couple on one born every minutes said it last night. "There are so many divorced people out there and there is no way that will us" blah blah blah

surely 2/3 of people don't get divorced - so most would be right?

i think its better going into marriage with that attitude rather than thinking 'this will do for now'

That couple was bonkers though.

But wouldn't it be weirder if people didn't say that?

'Here's an invitation to our wedding, we're not making a big deal out of it because statistically it's highly likely we will be divorced within 10 years?'

Of course people are full of great intentions and believe in the happily every after when they first get married. It's not being smug and stupid, it's being in love!

It sounds like tempting fate to say it, doesn't it! Pretty stupid imo.

However, DH knows a couple who thought it was very cool and funny to keep saying 'ooh, there's always divorce' when they were getting married - and then when everyone else they knew was getting married. Wankers. It's not a bloody competition.

So why can't they just not say anything? You don't have to say "i only intend on getting married once." You could just say "I'm getting married, hurray!"

I agree mostly, but there actually are people who get married without really being sure, and take the route of having the big wedding and then hoping for the best. I know two for a start, and that's not to mention the likes of the slebs who get married approximately once a year after knowing somebody for around 3 and a half weeks.

It is a smug thing to say though, and stating the bleeding obvious!

D

My sister married very young, against everyone's advice. Her attitude was 'we can always get divorced if it doesn't work out'. Struck me as very sad to hear that at the time. And yes, it didn't work out and they did divorce.

TBH, I did only intend to get married once & went into it with that intention.

Jordan

That couple got right on my tits as if the fact they were married gave them some upper hand to life.

Dp and I have been together 22 years,3 degrees between us,masses of life experience, both in full time work. Obviously the fact we're not married is something to worry about.

For some reason said couple seemed to think being married meant they were bound to be together for ever even though actually they'd only been together for 2 seconds, had no full time work(therefor far more stress) or life experience.

Mind you this seems to be Tory logic too.

i think some people say it to justify to themselves the huge amount of money they are about to spend on their wedding. If they considered the possibility that they might get divorced and remarried one day, they might feel a bit guilty about the £500 wedding cake!

Well I think that most people do only intend to get married once. Isn't that the right way to go about it?

Before we got married, someone asked me "Do you think it will last?".

I was dumbfounded tbh - why tf would I be marrying someone if I didn't think it would last?!

I don't suppose my attitude then is much different.

I sort of agree.

But have just got married and I don't have any intention of not getting married again if for some reason it doesn't work out. DH could die and then I'd be stuffed. On a less depressing note, some relationships just don't work out and I would never stay married if I was really unhappy because my parents did that and it is a really shitty thing to do to your children. I absolutely can't imagine our relationship being like that. But NOBODY does. That's the point, those 50% of divorced couples didn't go into it saying 'this is just a starter marriage'

It doesn't mean me love each other less than people who are blinkered about how in love they are.

Oh dear. I sound so heartless. I do love him to bits I promise! I'm just not into pointless declarations that will make you look like a twat if everything goes horribly wrong in 10 years.

Dont think Ive ever heard anyone say that !

But I do only intend to be married once ! Very sad how many people rush into it these days, have children then split up (obviously talking in RL not any of you !)

Well diddl, I also "intended" to get married only once. I also "knew" that my DH1 was not the kind to have an affair. And he wasn't - kind of!

Hopefully it wont come to it but never say never LaWeaselMys. I felt after getting divorced that I would never marry again (not in a knee jerk kind of way but in a well shows what I know and I don't really see the point of marrying again kind of way) but then met an Aussie - so it was kind of marry or not be together. We married and I could not be happier about it! Those little bends in the road keep life interesting.

Yanbu - of course it is stating the bleeding obvious. But I think that there is an attitde among some people that marriage can just be easily undone if necessary (and to be honest it took more effort for DH1 and me to unravel our mortgage and joint bank account than our marriage) and so people saying this just want to indicate that they are not going into a marriage with that kind of attitude which is fair enough - just that you can never really know! And of course such statements don't half justify some ridiculous extremes on the wedding day

I think you're all reading way too much into these declarations. 'We only intend to marry once', is what people say when they are in love and want to explain how committed they are to each other. It's not a hidden insult or criticism towards people who got divorced. I've seen a fair bit of oversensitivity on Mumsnet, but people getting offended by couples who believe in Happily Ever After, that really takes it to a new level.

JMHO.

The people who I have heard saying it IRL have been justifying their bridezilla-ish ways - ie "I can behave like a demanding brat cos it's only until the wedding of the century and then I'll be a lovely person again"

It's offensive celebrating your own special event at the expense of others. But in that case, does it matter whether these 'bridezillas' will marry once, twice of 25 times? Certainly it's the selfish behaviour that's offensive, not the fact they believe their marriage will beat the odds and last the course?