To hate it when people say "i only intend to get married once"

[MrsSparkle]

and also when people say "you hear of all these people getting divorced these days and there is no way we want that to happen to us" >>>smug emotion

My mother has friends who got married when their DS was 5. They told everyone that they were going to get divorced when he turned 18, so they could each have some fun and play up. Their DS is now 26, and no divorce in sight! (We remind them occasionally, and they say 'oh yes, I knew there was something I forgot to do.')

I should think most people only want to get married the once! Divorce is heart-breaking!

MilaMae, I don't think most people believe that two long-term relationships where everything is equal bar the marriage are any different in quality, but they are different in a legal sense, so I would still advise a close friend/relative of mine to get married if in such a relationship.
Thankfully, the govt cannot declare a couple to be legally tied if they choose to live together -which would take away freedom of choice- so I guess I will be saying the same thing for the foreseeable future.
It's not about 'looking down' on cohabitees; that's not the point. It's about not wishing a loved one to be left with NOTHING should her cohabiting partner walk out (yes, this can happen with marriage, too, but there is less chance of it happening with marriage as the courts can make orders to financially compensate the deserted spouse).

It doesn't bother me. Some people DO only get married once and intend it to be so. If their partner dies or they divorce they still don't get married again. Why would it bother you what they say?

I don't think it's too bad for people to put that much faith and belief into their marriages. Good on them.

some people get wound up about some odd things,

I've never said it aloud or anything, but yes, I do intend to only marry once. If I am divorced or widowed I don't beleive I would ever marry again for any reason. I don't see the problem with that.

Does anyone set out to marry more than once?

God yes, this annoys the hell out of me. I only intended to be married once - that was before Ex-H started his affair with the babysitter, and before I met DH. No one on earth marries with a view to getting divorced, everyone thinks they've married "the one", and some people get lucky but some people don't. No one plans divorce - shit just happens.

I've contradicted myself, haven't I? I was one of those people and now I'm not. I think that's what I meant to say :o.

I hear ya!

"you hear of all these people getting divorced these days and there is no way we want that to happen to us"

I don't think that sounds smug, I think that sounds like "we don't want to go through the pain, anguish and heartache of divorce". I mean, I'm pretty sure the majority of people going into a marriage/long term relationship don't think "awesome, at least there's the hope that we can split up and go through a lot of heartache and pain. That will be twenty kinds of fun". No. You'd have to be an idiot Jordan to think that

I haven't been divorced, but I have been through the break up of a very serious relationship, and it was hideous. It was really, really awful, so when I look at DP and think of the two of us together, I do think "there is no way I want a breakup to happen to us". To think otherwise would be madness.

You see to me that statement was more about them being smug and slightly nieve. They were sat there, newly married, first baby on the way all loved up saying "you look at all these people getting divorced these days, well that won't be us." Well i doubt people who have been divorced sat there and said "well in 5 years time we will get divorced..."

Life happens, shit happens. No one, no matter how good their intentions are, can sit there and say they won't get divorced. That couple might just have a long, happy marriage but they were just too cock sure of themselves...

YANBU.

However from a completely different perspective, there are other reasons why you might feel strongly about only marrying once.

TBH, whether we stay together or split up I certainly can't imagine ever wanting to do marry again. Once was most definitely enough.

If my marriage goes tits up, or DH dies, I won't marry again. I don't think that's very odd, tbh. Unless you mean that people are saying they only intend to get married once in a smug way, when they know that you're divorced? In which case they're twats.

and surely your should be pretty confident in yourselves if you've just got married? If you are newlyweds and you aren't thinking "that'll never be us", maybe you shouldn't have got married at all!

i wouldnt marry again

as the great george bush said, you can fool me once but fool me twice..and..well...you can't make a fool out of me

No i don't mean it's odd to not get married again or that i am divorced. There is nothing to read into my statement.

It just simply bugs me when people say "I only intend to get married once" like people who marry again set out to get married twice!

you seem to be reading a lot into what people haven't said then.

buzz why? We are perfectly suited, get on fantastically well. If our relationship stays the same for the rest of our lives, it'll be solid and won't break up.

But relationships don't stay the same for 60 odd years, things happen, and people can react in ways you would never imagine when you were 20.

I don't believe we will get divorced, but I would never say "I'll never marry again" or "I'll never divorce DH" because I have no idea how I will feel if our relationship changes significantly.

Also again, not wishing to be morbid, but if he were to die I would want to find someone again hopefully.

Surely, realistically most people know thus deep down? It's just not something that most people want to acknowledge. Me being brutal enough to do that doesn't mean I have any doubts about our relationship at all

Why wouldn't I? I never really thought I'd get married at all, I don't particularly believe in it as an institution but it makes the legal stuff easy with children. On the small chance we split up I don't think I'd bother getting divorced (harder here to do), and I certainly would not marry again even if I did. I won't have any more children anyway, so that wouldn't be a factor

Nobody can say 100% that it will never happen, but they can know certain things about themselves, and I know for a fact that I would never marry again. If I was widowed I can imagine meeting someone else, maybe, but not marriage.

you seem to be reading a lot into what people haven't said then.

How exactly?

"It just simply bugs me when people say "I only intend to get married once" like people who marry again set out to get married twice!"

Just pointing out the bleeding obvious.

Plus no one has a crystal ball to tell them the future. I change as a person the older i get, as does my thoughts, beliefs, outlook etc. I could never say "I know for a fact i wouldn't do that" because guessing about your future is not a fact. You never know what might happen

I do though. I know I'll never have a sex change, I know I'll never move to Mozambique, I know I'll have no more children and I know I'll never marry again. Rather ridiculous to say anything could happen, when clearly this is not true, unless you have zero self-awareness.

yeah 17 years married and i loved him with all my heart and soul, would of followed him to the ends of the earth, until his drinking, spending our money and behaviour got too much for me and the DC, now 40 years old and on my own!!

No, but you can say how you will choose. Which is all anyone is really doing. I genuinely don't think I'd ever marry again if something were to happen to me and DH. And I definitely can say that I won't be having any more children.