Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do you act with someone if you just don't like them?

40 replies

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 11:36

There is a woman I know from school, and have known for several years as our eldest children are the same age, and now her youngest and my middle child are the same class at school, and I just don't like her.

She is very stuck up and also brags a lot about her children. Not just normal boasting as part of a balanced conversation but making out her children are superior. For example yesterday she asked me if my 18 month old son is potty trained. I replied "No" and she said that of course all hers were potty trained at 18 months but "you know what my kids are all like, all ahead of the game". She thinks her children are all something special when actually they have no manners, are rude, and none are the geniuses she makes them out to be. I just don't feel that a conversation with her is balanced as she looks down her nose at things that I say and then just tells me the same stories about her children over and over again.

What pisses me off too is that she never invites me on nights out or to do anything nice, only asks me to do her favours. I used to do them as I was so taken aback with how cheeky she was, but now I've started to say "No". By "favours" I mean things like having her children overnight or having them so she can go on a spa day or whatever.

So anyway, I really don't like her. I am polite to her but really don't want to have a lot to do with her. At school pick up she just comes over and stands there with me, trying to butt in on my conversations and then start talking about her children. This usually happens when she wants a favour. Other times she just walks past me as if she doesn't know me. I suppose the best thing to do is just be polite but distant with her? She has other friends BTW, she isn't lonely, I think she likes to home in on me as she sees herself as superior to me and because she wants a favour.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 11:37

I don't talk to them.

If they talk to me I reply with the information required, but I don't initiate any conversation or attempt to engage them at all.

Oh. And I don't help them out.

Original poster
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 11:41

That's exactly what I'm trying to do now, Hec. I wasn't very good at saying "no" until recently but am getting better and better at it.

I try to avoid her but if she wants something she just appears beside me, rather like the genie in the lamp in Aladdin....

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/02/2011 11:42

I don't get asked the favours, but there is a woman at DDs school who is peculiar that way. She never even acknowledges me if there are a couple of her cronies there. If she is waiting alone though, it's a different matter.
On Friday she came over and was all kreecher this kreecher that. I told her I needed to go and look at the bark on a tree rather than talk to her. I suppose I was rude, but bollocks, my life is too short to have rude women annoying me.

Lucy85 · 15/02/2011 11:42

I avoid. I don't make eye contact or speak unless asked a direct question. I do not engage and I don't do them favours either. Also if I am talked at by them I just smile and nod and barely reply, using one word closed answers like 'yes / no'.

OTTMummA · 15/02/2011 11:42

be vague, very very vague, about everything.
minimal information in reply to any questions, and NO to any favours asked.

She will get the hint.

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2011 11:43

I do what you're doing, saying no, avoiding her, just being polite but not saying much.

She sounds awful, not really a friend if she's trying to make you feel shit all the time.

OTTMummA · 15/02/2011 11:44

or you could permenantly be on your phone around her,, if she tries to talk just put your hand up and turn around, ( pretend laugh down the phone etc continue chatting away and always be in a rush etc.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/02/2011 11:44

Keep saying no to the favours. Once she realises that she isn't going to get anything out of you, she may give up and move on.

Be polite and answer her when she speaks to you directly, but don't ask her any questions or actively engage her in any way.

I think it's unlikely that she'll come out and ask you directly if there's a problem. If she did though, I'd be inclined to say that you have enough going on and don't want to add to your responsibilities by looking after her DC.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 15/02/2011 11:45

Just keep saying no. Every time.

If she starts to ask you why - you need only say "I don't want to." No excuses, no justifications, no apologies.

TBH, if she backs you into a corner, there is nothing wrong with saying "You ignore me unless you want something, I am not prepared to be used by you."

peggotty · 15/02/2011 11:45

kreecher Shock Grin

Awhite - just be polite and distant with her. And just say no to helping her out, you don't have to give reasons. Practice it with your dh or dp first to get the hang of it. It's likely you are not alone in disliking her.

Morloth · 15/02/2011 11:46

Polite but distant, nod end smile.

Non-commital/one word answers.

Never ask for favours, never volunteer and don't agree either.

LeQueen · 15/02/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plupervert · 15/02/2011 11:52

You're probably doing the right thing already. it's just as shame that this approach takes awhile with thick-skinned selfish people like her.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/02/2011 11:55

Next time she brags to you, remind her that it's not a race, all children level out in development and you're quite happy with the level your children are at.

If you don't want to speak to her, just say "I must go, goodbye" - and go.

She sounds quite pathetic really... having to brag to make herself feel good. That's really sad. :(

Original poster
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 11:55

Thanks everyone

The part that annoys me the most is she just makes it so blatently obvious that I'm only worth bothering with if she wants something.

Quite a few people have said to me (unprompted by me, they mentioned her first) that they find her odd and don't like her. She seems to have a very odd way with people and comes across as being a total snob.

Will definitely take all of your advice on board and keep avoiding her. Luckily she drives to school most days and I walk so I don't end up having to walk to school with her thank god,

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/02/2011 11:57

What pisses me off too is that she never invites me on nights out or to do anything nice

why worry if you dont like her??? lol..

in fact why do you even speak to her, or mind her kids? she sounds an obnoxious snob who is using you...

solooovely · 15/02/2011 11:58

Next time she is boasting about her child say "It's a shame that thy have been able to add good manners to their list of accomplishments". Then walk off (or run) before she can say anything.

piratecat · 15/02/2011 11:59

yes, just keep doing what you are doing. be yourself, and stick to your guns.

piratecat · 15/02/2011 12:02

yes but over time, if you were doing favours for someone, and a 'friendship' is evolving you would expect to be included as a friend on a girly night wouldn't you. i guess op isn't 'bothered' so much as flumoxed by her attitude. which is essentially rude and blase.

mollymole · 15/02/2011 12:06

Polite but distant and don't do her favours -
just say 'sorry but i can't' or 'sorry i can't - ask one of your friends'

Original poster
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 12:10

Squeakytoy, what I meant was she only asks me to babysit when she's having nights out etc and never invites me along. Not that I'd want to go out for a night with her, but I'd rather someone asked me to go and do something fun with them than just always ask me to pick up the slack for them. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Lucy85 · 15/02/2011 12:13

Let's all think up a breathtakingingly rude put-down we could give op to use.

Mine would be 'I'm concentrating on re-inventing myself at the moment. (said in style of playground chit-chat)... I've noticed that nasty people take advantage of me and fail to notice that I actually don't like them and so I've decided to become more assertive... No I will not do your favour for you.'

Original poster
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 12:19

Haha, I love it, Lucy!!

OP posts:
woollyideas · 15/02/2011 12:20

OP: "normal boasting as part of a balanced conversation..."

GrinGrin

I love it!

Original poster
Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 12:23

Lol Woolly, I didn't know how else to put it. By normal boasting I mean telling friends when your child has done something you're proud of or said something funny,rather than boasting but trying to put them down at the same time.

OP posts: