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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How do you act with someone if you just don't like them?

40 replies

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 11:36

There is a woman I know from school, and have known for several years as our eldest children are the same age, and now her youngest and my middle child are the same class at school, and I just don't like her.

She is very stuck up and also brags a lot about her children. Not just normal boasting as part of a balanced conversation but making out her children are superior. For example yesterday she asked me if my 18 month old son is potty trained. I replied "No" and she said that of course all hers were potty trained at 18 months but "you know what my kids are all like, all ahead of the game". She thinks her children are all something special when actually they have no manners, are rude, and none are the geniuses she makes them out to be. I just don't feel that a conversation with her is balanced as she looks down her nose at things that I say and then just tells me the same stories about her children over and over again.

What pisses me off too is that she never invites me on nights out or to do anything nice, only asks me to do her favours. I used to do them as I was so taken aback with how cheeky she was, but now I've started to say "No". By "favours" I mean things like having her children overnight or having them so she can go on a spa day or whatever.

So anyway, I really don't like her. I am polite to her but really don't want to have a lot to do with her. At school pick up she just comes over and stands there with me, trying to butt in on my conversations and then start talking about her children. This usually happens when she wants a favour. Other times she just walks past me as if she doesn't know me. I suppose the best thing to do is just be polite but distant with her? She has other friends BTW, she isn't lonely, I think she likes to home in on me as she sees herself as superior to me and because she wants a favour.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/02/2011 12:23

Lucy, while yours is undoubtedly cleverer than mine, I found the bark reason made her actually take a step back. (She does probably think I am bonkers now though)

GloriaSmut · 15/02/2011 12:30

Just step away and if forced to meet her eye, treat all remarks with cool, polite but entirely non-committal replies. Most importantly, don't speak in a way that leaves conversational openers for her to take boastful advantage of.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 13:09

Her latest demand is asking me to have all 3 of her children overnight during half term so she can go on a night out with some other mums from school. I have told her no.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 15/02/2011 13:13

Good for you. I maintain my interest in tree bark to be the best answer. Two birds, one stone. She'll think you so barmy she won't want to approach you and you can laugh at her reaction.
I think she sounds like a really cheeky mare and you are doing the right thing.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 13:13

Haha yes I love the tree bark answer

OP posts:
EmmaBGoode · 15/02/2011 13:14

Her latest demand is asking me to have all 3 of her children overnight during half term so she can go on a night out with some other mums from school.

Cheeky fucking bitch!

1717 · 15/02/2011 13:23

"Life is very short to waste on people who give you no value." I always think that if someone I don't like approches me.

If they do try and strike up a conversation or ask me to do something for them then I:

Put my biggest happiest grin on,
stand up real straight,
look them in the forehead
and say "sorry I am too busy to (insert talk or do that)".
Then carry on standing and staring at them.

A bit rude, but because I don't ignore they generally get the message. It is excruciating to watch them figure out what to do next without filling the silence. If they try again, I just repeat more loudy and even more maniacally happily "Oh, I am just far too busy."

He he, admitedly makes me seem like a total mental, but it does get rid and it makes me laugh too!

As this person is obviously afflicited by self importance, I would amend to "Sorry I am far too busy, DH (or whoever you want) is cooking me a wonderful romantic dinner tonight and then we are going for an early night Wink" The suggestion of a happy relationship is always crippling to such people I find.

Grin
dotnet · 15/02/2011 13:25

You could see if she WOULD, if pressed, be willing to give quid pro quo. If she asks you to babysit, say (if you're willing) -'OK, but can you fit in a babysit for me the night before? (or on some specified nearby date.)

If she says 'no', or says 'yes', but cries off at the last minute, then you can say to her that you don't want to keep being asked for favours as you feel you're being taken advantage of unless she reciprocates.

TyraG · 15/02/2011 13:30

The next time she asks you to take her kids just say, "Let me check my planner" stare at her for a beat then say, "Sorry totally booked up".

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 15/02/2011 18:10

Lol, thanks again everyone, lots of great ideas there. Luckily I didn't see her this afternoon on the school run.

I'm hoping that after a few more times of me saying "no" to her that she will get the hint, realise that she's not getting any favours from me, and bugger off to ask someone else.

OP posts:
chickbean · 15/02/2011 22:58

Re: the boasting. I always think that parents who boast are actually very insecure. I actually haven't come across it yet at school as DS1 is only in reception, but when I was a child, the boastful parents of my friends were almost always insecure about their own education/achievements - and, without exception, their "gifted" children underachieved, which left them looking rather foolish.

Blatherskite · 16/02/2011 08:28

Cheeky mare. Next time she asks, say "I'd prefer to come out for the meal/drinks" and smile sweetly. See what she does.

:)

eviscerateyourmemory · 16/02/2011 08:33

She doesnt sound very happy. If someone really believed that their children were so much more advanced than everyone elses why would they feel the need to boast about it?

melikalikimaka · 16/02/2011 08:37

There's always one in the playground!

Seriously, why would you have her children overnight, are you a door mat?

plupervert · 16/02/2011 14:35

Nice one, Blatherskite!

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