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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by playground chat

41 replies

BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:34

Went to the park this aftrenoon with my 15mo DD. It didn't start well and quickly went down hill.

Firstly, there were two group of DC's - one group about 11y, one group about 13y - having a slanging match - shouting gems like 'You're mum's so fat when she fell down the stairs the house shook' and 'Shut up slut' at each other. I said nothing and was pleased when they went their seperate ways after about 5 mins.

Then a group of 3 girls, about 13y, arrived and started having a VERY loud discussion about 'bum sex' - apparently George wanted it with one of them and had touched her arse so it was almost a done deal Hmm

I was shocked and really saddened to hear this coming from such young girls. I say this as someone who was no angel but the things they were saying were so adult.

I decided to leave and on my way past i felt I should speak to them about their behaviour. I said 'Excuse me girls, sorry to intrude, but if you are old enought to discuss anal sex you should know it's inappropraite to discuss it in the park in front of a 15 month old child'. They all apologised immediately and I said that if I wasn't with DD our conversation would be going very differently but I was now leaving and they had spoilt our trip to the park.

When I got home I was on the verge of tears and shakey. Think a lot of you will say I am overreacting AIBU to be so shocked and so very sad for these girls?

OP posts:
PigValentine · 14/02/2011 20:37

To be fair, although it is unsavoury to talk like that in a play park, a 15 month old will be happily oblivious, they might have censored themselves a bit if you had older children.

It's not very nice, but I'm afraid I wouldn't find it shocking - and it's not a new thing, I remember hearing similar stuff when I was a teenager myself, although obviously not from me Grin

usualsuspect · 14/02/2011 20:39

You are easily shocked

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:40

I take your point - although she is starting to repeat things - imagine if one of her first words was anal - XH'd LOVE that Grin

OP posts:
Spenguin · 14/02/2011 20:41

I'm surprised the girls were so apologetic. I was expecting a happy slap story!

KaraStarbuckThrace · 14/02/2011 20:41

They apologised! I think it sounded like a game of one upmanship to me.

PigValentine · 14/02/2011 20:42

True, I think I'd pretend it was something else, and he'd misheard...now what rhymes with anal?!

MrsPresley · 14/02/2011 20:45

The swearing wouldnt have shocked me Sad, but the bum sex talk would have Shock!

I didnt even know what that was at that age.

I think a lot of teenagers swear at the age for various reasons.

I know when I was teenager I would swear, mainly for showing off purposes, until the day my mum heard me, then I made sure she was a million miles away before swearing again Grin

tethersend · 14/02/2011 20:47

If it makes you feel any better, it will have been a load of old bollocks.

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:47

I'm not known for being easy to shock. It was more that DC go to park, still quite young and don't play or have fun, but slag each other off and talk bum sex! It was also about how much they knew, how pleased they seemed that a boy wanted bum sex with them.

OP posts:
FooffyShmoofer · 14/02/2011 20:48

Think a lot of you will say I am overreacting AIBU to be so shocked and so very sad for these girls?

No you are not BU for being shocked and sad for these girls. It is both shocking and sad that they feel the need whatever the reason to behave in this way. It's all front and bravado.

However, you are lucky that they were polite to you. It's a risk speaking up that you won't get a complete mouthful back. A disgusting mouthful at that.

enjolraslove · 14/02/2011 20:48

YANBU to be sad and shocked and I think you did exactly the right thing in speaking to them as you did.(I think you were very brave and the world would be much better if everyone took responsibility for all kids but that's for another day!) I think the thing is though, their actions and reaction to you was very telling. imo if they actually did understand what they were talking about they wouldn't be talking about it in public like they were, so most likely it was a lot of talk or bravado really. They talk about it in the same way kids of old would say things about how tough their dads were - doesn't mean anything linked to reality at all! But it is till very very sad that that is how they think they look grown up.

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:49

Am quite terrifying to look at though so all fear of happy slaps or mouthfulls were put to one side Wink

OP posts:
mysteryfairy · 14/02/2011 20:50

The first slanging match made me smile - the your mum's so fat line sounds quite childish rather than shocking.

The only time I have ever challenged teenagers was when some girls were writing stuff about bum sex on the slide in our local park. My DSs were y1 and reception at the time (so v small but capable of reading) and I invited them to explain their graffiti to the DSs which they declined to do. Perhaps you could take the same tack - they are likely to be mortified.

Sadly my DSs are more likely to be the perpetrators nowadays. They are not particularly awful and will happily push unknown small children on the swings if the circumstances arise when they have taken their younger sister to the park, but I can see they might appear quite feral to a random observer in the park if wrapped up with a lot of mates and not really thinking about other people.

When I had preschoolers I tended to stick to going to places during the school day and avoided soft play in the holidays (when even a 4 year old could seem uncouth next to my baby/toddler).

davidtennantsmistress · 14/02/2011 20:51

my cousin of similar age was talking about 'blowing boys' honestly, I despair I really really do, waht ever has happened to childhoods these days?

KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 14/02/2011 20:53

How amusing! I bet the girls were mortified!! I think you're being slightly over sensitive about it ruining your trip to the park though.

Brave of you to approach them and glad that the girls apologised.

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:56

I didn't mean truined in that way, but see what you mean - it was more spoilt as I had an unpleasant conversation and just couldn't be arsed to stay there (which seemed too long winded to say Smile) All that appeared to be happening was rows and sex chat - I'd take my DD out on a Sat night to pub if I wanted her to experience that!

OP posts:
slipperandpjsmum · 14/02/2011 20:59

I work with teenagers, believe me thats nothing. You say you were no angel your post says something else to me!!!

Being sad for them is very patronising. A bit of bad language in the park is hardly the trademark of a failure. I am sure there are plenty of Mums on here that have talked about it - even had a little themselves and done very well in life!!!

YABU

MinkyMunky · 14/02/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

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usualsuspect · 14/02/2011 21:03

MinkyMunky was it you at the park?

Mumcentreplus · 14/02/2011 21:08

Come on... it's fucked up 13yr olds are talking about anal sex..I would be sad and fucking appalled actually..call be Bab Woodhouse all you wants it's not cool

wannaBe · 14/02/2011 21:10

I think it's sad that such young girls are talking about these things. Most of it will be bravado though. As for swearing - all children do it.

Far too sensitive though to have been close to tears and shaking because of it.

Ripeberry · 14/02/2011 21:14

You were lucky they did not attack you. You can't even say anything to the youths around here and they want to kill you Sad

LDNmummy · 14/02/2011 21:17

I did the same on a bus before christmas. My partner first had a jovial word and then after they persisted I did the whole "woman to woman, you are disgracing yourself" talk. They soon got off the bus after blaming each other for their behaviour. Young people do not know how to conduct themselves anymore. Its especially saddening for me when it is the young girls talking about sex, mainly as their conversations revolve around doing OTT sexual things to please a boy as you have stated. I sound very sanctimonious Grin but I do genuinely find it saddening.

FooffyShmoofer · 14/02/2011 21:17

I wonder if this comes under their list of hobbies and pastimes.Grin
It is sad though there is no getting away from it.
Jesus, I didn't even know there was such a thing as bumsex at their age. The could very well be perfectly nice kids doing what they think is the done thing. That's whats sad.

usualsuspect · 14/02/2011 21:17

Not all youths want to kill you ffs

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