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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked by playground chat

41 replies

BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 20:34

Went to the park this aftrenoon with my 15mo DD. It didn't start well and quickly went down hill.

Firstly, there were two group of DC's - one group about 11y, one group about 13y - having a slanging match - shouting gems like 'You're mum's so fat when she fell down the stairs the house shook' and 'Shut up slut' at each other. I said nothing and was pleased when they went their seperate ways after about 5 mins.

Then a group of 3 girls, about 13y, arrived and started having a VERY loud discussion about 'bum sex' - apparently George wanted it with one of them and had touched her arse so it was almost a done deal Hmm

I was shocked and really saddened to hear this coming from such young girls. I say this as someone who was no angel but the things they were saying were so adult.

I decided to leave and on my way past i felt I should speak to them about their behaviour. I said 'Excuse me girls, sorry to intrude, but if you are old enought to discuss anal sex you should know it's inappropraite to discuss it in the park in front of a 15 month old child'. They all apologised immediately and I said that if I wasn't with DD our conversation would be going very differently but I was now leaving and they had spoilt our trip to the park.

When I got home I was on the verge of tears and shakey. Think a lot of you will say I am overreacting AIBU to be so shocked and so very sad for these girls?

OP posts:
mercibucket · 14/02/2011 21:18

parks belong to the teenagers after about 4 - toddlers in the morning, primary after 3 - them's the rules
first lot sounded quite funny and second lot were just being daft.

LDNmummy · 14/02/2011 21:20

BTW, I would have started loudly telling her about the possibilities of her having a rectal prolapse from her intended activities Wink

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 21:37

Was shakey as I was angry, close to tears as I felt sad for them. Also frustrated as there was so much I wanted to say, about how the boys they were so keen to impress clearly had no respect for them. Not intending to be patronising - more that they are missing out on child stuff in their prusuit of pleasing boys - the OTT sex stuff as LDNmummy so rightly put it.

I was no angel but had some respect - talking that loudly in front of a small child and adult just seemed beyond what I thought teenage girls would do. I fully expect some swearing, bravado chat- see it every afternoon, there was a lot more said and it did shock me.

OP posts:
KazBarTheFriendlyGhost · 14/02/2011 21:40

changed days hey?

bumpsoon · 14/02/2011 21:53

Maybe they had been on mumsnet ? lots of bum sex/anal talk on here i believe Wink

Original poster
BringOnTheGoat · 14/02/2011 21:57

But it wasn't even Friday night!?! Wink

OP posts:
janelikesjam · 15/02/2011 10:34

You are not being unreasonable.

I had a similar experience when my son was a toddler. We went into a playground and there was a girl, maybe 14 or 15, in a school uniform sitting on a boy's lap obviously having sexual intercourse, though it was the other side of the playground. I felt very shaken up.

I think one is "more sensitive" when one's child/children are younger anyway, and I think one always feels the "park" as an innocent, safe place for ourselves with our children (which is what it should be).

As for 13 year old girls talking about anal sex, I find it incredibly depressing and upsetting. I cannot even find the words for it.

Onetoomanycornettos · 15/02/2011 10:55

You are not being unreasonable. In the past, 13 year olds might have had a laugh and a whisper amongst themselves about sex and different practices, but they would not have conducted this conversation loudly in front of adults in a public place. We never did. Lots of teens now conduct all their conversations at a semi-shouting level. I get the train occasionally, and I've had to listen to lots of very loud swearing ('fuck, I fucking said to him, if you fucking do that again blah blah') and a young boy in uniform showing his friends a mobile clip of a man having sex with a dog (again followed by loads of 'fuck, did you see that, fuck'. I feel appalled that this is now normal, to show each other sex clips and constantly swear in public, and it isn't an isolated minority, it seems quite normal behaviour.

I know teens can be loud, I don't mind that, and I don't mind all the 'he said, she said' stuff, but why don't they have a sense of what's appropriate conversation on public transport. Some of the other passengers look appalled too, but we all just sit there jogging along.

Like you, though, I have asked boys to stop swearing with a child there. I think you are right to let them know this is not ok. I wouldn't pick a fight with a menacing crowd, but with 11/12 year olds who just don't seem to follow basic civilized norms, I think it's fine to let them know they are out of order.

BuntyPenfold · 15/02/2011 11:02

At 13 we were whispering about periods, some had this mysterious thing and some didn't.
It was the Dark Ages though.

mrsscoob · 15/02/2011 11:04

YANBU and it was good that you said something because they might stop and think in the future.

Ooopsadaisy · 15/02/2011 11:10

I have teenagers. Nothing surprises me.

However, showing off by shouting swear words and boasting about bumsex is not something I would tolerate in my teens' behaviour.

They are just showing off cos they can. If their parents were there they would be whispering about GCSE homework and what some actress wore to the BAFTAs.

I used to play up in front of adults at that age. I wanted to provoke a reaction and shock them.

I now realise that they'd seen it all before and I was being a muppet.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/02/2011 11:16

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be shocked but I think you took a risk in confronting them, particularly with your DD in tow.

slippersandpjmum... I personally do think it's a failure on some level to hear kids swearing and talking about stuff like that. Whether you work with teenagers or not, what a parents for if not to teach their children was is and isn't acceptable behaviour - particularly in public.

I don't think it's up to the 'professional workers' to sort the problems out either - it's a parenting job.

GabbyLoggon · 15/02/2011 11:31

Yes, we must retain a degree of shockability;especially when children are involved.

I suppose the kids get the rough language from older childred, TV and videos plus games.

Some even from their parents. "Gabby"

deepdarkwood · 15/02/2011 11:39

Well done for talking to them & making them think ... and well done to them for taking it so well and apologising!
Agree with others that the slanging match sounds completely normal, wouldn't have really bothered me, and that the bum sex one is sad - hideous that is the normality of 13 yo girls...

Teenagers are sometimes slightly self absorbed Grin & I find often a simple, polite reminder that younger children are present is enough to make them clean up their language...

GabbyLoggon · 15/02/2011 11:44

Yes, deepdarkwood, that is well balanced advice. "slightly self absorved" (you bet.)

"G.L"

MaryPortasFan · 15/02/2011 11:52

As someone who works with them, the vast majority of times it is all talk and bravado. Not very nice to listen to but very normal- and certainly not indicative of them actually doing anything. I am very impressed they apologised and I think you were brave to talk to them.

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