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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

all my son does is play xbox

84 replies

vickyemm · 14/02/2011 17:15

i have two teenage sons one 16 and at college and one 13 all my 13 year old seems to do is play on his xbox when i challenge him about the time he spends on it and suggest he shoulg go outside and hang out hes 13 and i cant really use the term play out anymore he says none of his mates are out there all online on there xboxes so where do i draw the line how long is to long in a day for your son to play xbox when hes always stating theres nothing else to do comments and suggestions please

OP posts:

muggglewump · 14/02/2011 21:00

My 9yr old does little but play on her DS.

I hate it, I can stop it, I do stop it, but then we have the battles, and the huffs, and the sighs.

I let it go, for now, and do my best to engage her in other things.
She likes cooking, she likes soaps, she wants to have her friend in all the time.

I go with this, as it's all better than arguments or solitary game playing.

Gillybobs · 14/02/2011 21:20

muggle - I get that, I have been there. I think we have all found ourselves in parenting situations where we wish we hadnt allowed a pattern to develop. But why not just sit her down and say "this isnt good for you and its my job to do my best for you"? I honestly think that kids adapt really quickly and she would get used to the new rules within a week or two, if not sooner.

As long as the solution is reasonable (a time limit per day for instance rathern than taking it away) my kids huffs and sighs dont last very long at all. And the time we gain to do other things is well worth the short term pain imo.

cookinmama · 14/02/2011 21:31

I also have this problem with my DS 13 and to start with told him that he could have unlimited access as long as he was not excessive. Unfortunately it became clear that he was totally incapable of policing himself and would play it all day everyday if he got the chance. Someone on here then mentioned the family timer feature that is built into the xbox and he now gets 3 hrs a day at the weekend and nothing through the week (he hates me, I am the only mum that does this apparently )

support.xbox.com/en-gb/pages/xbox-live/how-to/parental-control.aspx#tab-1-section3 see here for instructions on how to do it.

Did start of by giving him 9 hrs a week but he would disappear as soon as he got home on Friday and be moaning by Saturday lunchtime that his time had run out.

Hatesponge · 14/02/2011 21:35

Both my sons spend a lot of time on the Xbox, probably 3-4 hours per day. In an ideal world it would be less. However, I can't take them to clubs etc during the week because I work, and everything starts well before I get home.

DS1 (yr 8) gets barely any homework because his crappy school don't set any, he doesn't have much else to do in the evenings other than Xbox (which as he plays online involves chatting to friends as well), reading, or watching TV.

I'd love to be home at 5pm to ferry him to exciting activities, but that isn't the reality of our lives. We don't live in the nicest area, and I would rather he was at home than out roaming the streets after school, especially when it still gets dark early.

slugz · 14/02/2011 21:36

My son plays xbox excessively, we have to put in place limits.
My daughter only ever wants to read books, probably more than my son plays xbox. Usually info books. Everybody thinks this is amazing. In a way though it's just as insular and limiting. Given a choice she will never socialise or exercise.
Ridiculously I have to set screentime limits for ds and booktime limits for dd. Most people think I'm unreasonable with the booktime limits.

chandellina · 14/02/2011 21:42

i don't understand why parents complain about their kids using the products they have supplied them with in the home.
if you don't like it, why don't you get rid of it - or better yet, never introduce it into your house? I have yet to see the mandate that children must have a DS and xbox.
mine certainly will not and I don't really give a toss if that makes them outcast freaks for a few years.

usualsuspect · 14/02/2011 21:50

I can never understand why parents that spend hours on the internet moan about their kids playing games on an x box

rubyrubyruby · 14/02/2011 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wheredidyoulastseeit · 15/02/2011 12:55

My son would play x-box 24/24 if possible but he has to do activities to earn time eg tennis lessons, youth club, squash do his homework eat round the table, go to art galleries. he would rather do none of them just play on his x-box. but if he doesn't do outside activity no x-box. plus we deliberately only have one TV in the house, so that everyone has to share the screen time, he has to put up with his sister watching big fat gypsy wedding lol.
Also no x-box in bedroom. he gets up really early to get game time in.
and he still seems to get at least 2 hours a day in more at weekends

wheredidyoulastseeit · 15/02/2011 13:15

Cookinmama thanks for that link, will look into using it if i can find the x-box password

Tortington · 15/02/2011 13:19

i can spend hours on the internet becuase i have done my education, i am a grown up and a (moderately) functioning member of society.

i don't go climbing trees andd running like a bloody idiot up an down hills playing 'spaceships'

GloriaSmut · 15/02/2011 13:53

Surely the sensible thing is to balance X-box/computer time with other activities that encourage proper real-life socialising. Because I disagree, strongly, with FabbyChic and I also have grown up sons. Both of them keen on computer games but both of them being far keener on socialising with (real) mates, all sorts of sport, travel, partying, going to festivals etc.

It's not healthy to spend your time on a computer, regardless of what sort of degree you get. Not that studying for a degree means you can't have a thriving social life. It's always worked for us!

It is also not healthy to think that outings with your family are a substitute for a proper teenage social life.

So balance things. Limit the x-box time to a couple of hours at a time and perhaps be a little more flexible at weekends. Provided that your son doesn't stop other activities to spend all weekends on it.

mamateur · 15/02/2011 14:07

This thread is interesting for me. We got our 13 yo in September and he's started a new school in a new city. The school doesn't set any homework at all (we're on the case about this) and he just comes home and plugs himself into his computer emerging only for his dinner. If we try to stop him playing it he is sullen and cross - he refuses all suggestions of joining sports clubs etc., even though he enjoys gym at school.

Every so often, bad behaviour at school results in us taking away his use of the computer game. He immediately becomes a brighter, sunnier boy who talks to us.

When he's been on the computer for hours his brain is quite stultified, he mixes words up and is incredibly inarticulate. When he isn't playing, this improves.

We didn't buy it for him, he came with it and also has a granny who keeps buying him x-rated games. He's 13!

This is still a transitional phase for us, but ultimately we will be limiting his computer time, undoubtedly earning me the title of wicked witch of the century...

redpanda13 · 15/02/2011 15:13

Find something else that he is genuinely interested in doing? My sister went through a phase of being completely obsessed with playing the Sims etc on the pc. She also was going through her emo phase. My mum bought her an electric guitar (and headphones to plug into the amp). She taught herself guitar. Got so into it she took standard grade music at school and joined a band.That led to a love of performing and joining a drama group. My sis would have fainted if my mum had tried to force her into anything sporty.

mamateur · 15/02/2011 18:15

Redpanda, these games are addictive and so children become addicted to them. He refuses all attempts to get him to do something different, including things he enjoys. The only way we could achieve it would be to take the game away, then offer something else.

Before it arrived, we cooked together, made bread and played scrabble. We were not far off the Waltons - now he stays in his room on intravenous Fifa.

Our situation is a bit difficult because he's not our son. If it was DS I would have no qualms about taking it away.

Gillybobs · 15/02/2011 18:22

Mamateur- you're right it is an addiction so i have found the best way to improve the situation is gradually reduce the time allowed rather than try and go cold turkey.

Why not set a time limit each night, gradually reducing until its at a level that means he is engaging in other areas of real life.

Maybe I am just old fashioned but I feel kids shouldnt dictate how life goes. Surely a boy of 13 is old enough to have a reasoned conversation with. You do x & Y and you earn yourself xbox time??

You said yourself that he was a different boy before this. There is only one way to get back to that and thats gradually reducing it.Firm but fair?? (jeez, I sound like a schoolteacher, I know...)

mamateur · 15/02/2011 19:23

Hi Gillybobs, yes I can really see the sense in what you're saying. As I say, if it were my son I would know exactly what to do.

We've told him this will be the future 'as the weather gets warmer and there's more stuff to do outside'.

it bought us some time!

Gillybobs · 15/02/2011 19:34

Good luck, Im sure you'll get there!

HighHaldenAdventure · 26/05/2015 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shockers · 26/05/2015 22:53

DS (15) doesn't have an XBox, but he has a PS3. He does play on it daily, but for no more than an hour, often less. His love of football helps (and hinders... the only game he plays is FIFA), as does his part time job in a restaurant.

I do insist that he comes swimming with me once a week, and that we do a big (hill) walk every couple of weeks. I say insist, because he probably wouldn't suggest the walk (he often suggests the swim), but he always enjoys both.

During the holidays, we generally have a couple of nights camping, plus a few bike rides. All this keeps him off the PS3 without the battle. If I just asked him to come off it for no reason other than I thought he should, he would complain.

My friend had a lot of trouble getting her 12 yr old off his XBox, but has adopted similar strategies (in fact we now do a lot with our boys together) and it has really worked. Her son is currently training for the 3 Peaks Challenge.

YsabellStoHelit · 26/05/2015 22:57

Balance is key.

Str1p3yl3af · 26/05/2015 23:00

Zombie thread?

Good to see fabbychic's name though

FlabulousChix · 27/05/2015 00:29

Mine played from 13 to 17. Then world of Warcraft then uni. Now doesn't play any. Aged 27 perfectly sociable and sane. Much preferred it to him going out knew where he was. Didn't drink until he went to uni at 19.

FlabulousChix · 27/05/2015 00:30

Oops sorry.

Rainbunny · 27/05/2015 00:31

Post on AIBU and be prepared to be told that you are raising your children badly ;)

Well, my dh was seriously into video games dating back to the launch of "gameboys". His mum worried about him as well. He turned out just fine. As an adult he is an engineer working in the gaming industry and he makes more money and enjoys his work far more than his lawyer wife!

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