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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mumsnet Jury - help us decide.

38 replies

MarioandLuigi · 14/02/2011 14:40

DH goes to Badminton on Monday night and has done for about 4 years.

I am hoping to apply to work after DD has started school and DS has settled into school (He has SN) - so about two years time.

I would like to do a couple of courses at our local FE college to help update my skills, but one runs on a monday night, which clashes with Badminton. I have looked everywhere else and its the only one running in this area, and as its a 36 week course it only runs once a year.

DH is annoyed that he will miss badminton, but my arguement is that he could do that anytime. I can understand why he is a bit miffed though.

AIBU? Should I not apply for the course and let him carry on, or is my future job prospects more important?

OP posts:
caughtinanet · 14/02/2011 14:42

I can see both sides - would you be able to afford a babysitter for the time when you will both be out.

Your training is important but if badminton is the only break your DH gets then that's also importnat to him.

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 14:45

Agree with Caught that a babysitter would be the way to go. Maybe you and your DH could meet up after and have a drink, make it a Monday night thing.

ThatllDoPig · 14/02/2011 14:46

I would say that your work/pay prospects are more important to the family that DH's hobby, but 36 weeks is quite a lot for him to miss if he gets a lot from it in terms of exercise and social stuff. Might be difficult to negotiate unless he can see the benefits of you doing your course in a real way, quite quickly after you finish it. If you do the course but it doesn't lead to more work/money, then resentment might kick in. Know it's a copout answer, but is there any way that you can find or pay someone who you trust to care for the DC's once a week so that you can do both?

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 14/02/2011 14:49

I dont think that would work, although I did think of it. We couldnt afford one and it would take so long for DS to trust anyone else that isnt DH or me, plus the only babysitter (Step-MIL) we have also goes to Badminton with DH.

I agree that DH needs the break and I did suggest instead of doing badminton he goes to the gym an extra day (he goes Wednesdays and Sundays, but he says he likes playing with the people.

Oh well :(

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 14/02/2011 14:53

OK so he gets to go to the gym twice a week and badminton on a Monday...what do you do for yourself? If the answer is, like many women, nothing, then your DH needs to give up the badminton whilst you do your course. You will be so much more employable if you have kept up your skills up to date.

ThePosieParker · 14/02/2011 14:55

No contest, your course wins.

ThatllDoPig · 14/02/2011 14:56

Yes, but your course is important too. Maybe he could arrange to play badders on another night with some people from the club, book a couple of courts seperately another evening. He could explain the situation to them, it is just one of those things temporarily? Would he at least discuss it, or is he putting foot down? Do you normally communicate well?

hairylights · 14/02/2011 14:57

He can do badminton any night if the week surely? If this is the case Hes being a selfish nob.

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 14/02/2011 15:14

Well he could, but he does it with a club on Mondays so its a bit different.

OP posts:
cat64 · 14/02/2011 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ThePosieParker · 14/02/2011 15:21

You have already given up your time/job prospects to look after your dcs and as a sign of gratitude your DH is saying he won't give up Badminton on a Monday night......Do you really have to ask who has more right to a Monday night activity? Your husbands Badminton or your college course that will help you get future employment? When you're in a situation where you cannot afford a babysitter?

What social things do you do OP and what does your husband do aside from Badminton?

BuzzLiteBeer · 14/02/2011 15:49

He's had his years of doing his thing, now its your turn. This should not even need thinking about.

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 14/02/2011 16:02

What social things do you do OP and what does your husband do aside from Badminton?

DH goes to the Gym twice a week and has a football season ticket.

I go to a SN support group once a month and volunteer at DS's school reading twice a week.

OP posts:
ThePosieParker · 14/02/2011 16:03

FFs OP grow a back bone and stand up for yourself!! You can insist, you are in the right, everything you do is for your family, particularly your dcs.

ThePosieParker · 14/02/2011 16:03

(I mean that in a nice way!Grin)

GabbyLoggon · 14/02/2011 16:04

Future job prospects important in present climate. Good Luck "Gabby"

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 16:04

"I go to a SN support group once a month and volunteer at DS's school reading twice a week."

no, what do you do for you that has nothing to do with beinga parent?

Original poster
MarioandLuigi · 14/02/2011 16:09

To be fair the SN support group is for parents, and we meet at a pub :o

OP posts:
curlymama · 14/02/2011 16:10

I don't really think you can hold going to the gym against him, that's good for his health which is beneficial to all of you. You have the pressure of being a full time stay at home Mum, he has the pressure of being the main breadwinner. Neither one trumps the other, or is more important than the other. But at least doing the Mum thing you have some control over how you spend your day.

Are there any simelar courses you could do, or correspondance courses that would have the same benefit as your first choice but that would mean dh didn't have to miss out on something important to him?

BuzzLiteBeer · 14/02/2011 16:21

OP should sit at home and study so he can do his sporting/fun activity? Are you quite mad? Shock

Agree with Posie get up off the floor and take the doormat sign off your head. Of course your course is more important than his fannying around with his stepmother and a shuttlecock.

Ephiny · 14/02/2011 16:29

If he's been going to badminton for 4 years, isn't it your 'turn' to do something for yourself? It's unfortunate that the two things clash but I think yours takes precedence firstly because it's related to your future career and earnings, and secondly because you seem far behind him in terms of having time to do something for you. It's a fixed term course, as well, it's not as though he can never go to badminton on Mondays again...

He's being selfish and unreasonable IMO.

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 16:35

is there nowhere else within reasonable travelling distance that he can do badminton on another night?

bleakofheart · 14/02/2011 16:37

So...

DH is out on Sun, Mon and wed. Footie season tickets can be anything from once a week to once a season.
You are out of the house once a month for SN group (not even going to include the volunteering).

I think this is a unreasonable imbalance. If he can afford to attend gym x 2 weekly, badders x week as well as a footie seasonticket (and they can be a tad£££), then he can afford a Babysitter for the 3 or so hours course duration.

You go, he pays.

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 16:39

i really do think it is your DH that needs to be compromising here.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 14/02/2011 16:42

Is it because of DH's badminton parner that the day of the week can't be changed? Perhaps that's it?