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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

no sex since Oct 10 and valentines pressure!

52 replies

temporarystate · 14/02/2011 13:46

two DCs down, second one is now 14m old and I have totally forgotten what its like to feel sexy or want sex with DH without a million excuses and reasons 'why not' popping into my head and the longer it goes on the harder it is to casually break the ice

I am very aware its valentines and so after the lovely steak dinner my hubby cooks me tonight am i being unreasonable to feel a lot of pressure to put out tonight when I am worry about it because after a stressful day with the kids and not even having had time for a shower (although time to MN natch!) I wont be in the mood?!?!?!

OP posts:
OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 13:48

just tell him you are off to have a shower. or even better, have a nice bath together.

do you actually want to have sex with him?

jaffacake79 · 14/02/2011 13:51

Go and shower while he's cooking! Spend a bit of time on yourself and feel nice, then you might feel more like it.

BluddyMoFo · 14/02/2011 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fannyfoghorn · 14/02/2011 13:52

If you haven't had sex for a while I think it needs to be built up slowly eg massages, naked hugs etc Agree that YOU need to feel attractive in order to feel sexy. maybe a glass of wine too if you feel nervous.

BluddyMoFo · 14/02/2011 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 14/02/2011 13:55

Have you time to shit if necessary? Yep? Then you have time to shower, or are you using the Ive not had a shower excuse because you really don't want to have sex with him?

Plan your day better and get organised then you won't be so tired all the time.

Original poster
temporarystate · 14/02/2011 13:56

I think 3 years of trying for baby sex followed by not much inbetween has probably put me off. It took a year to fall for DS1 and once to fall for DS2 in a very short space of time.

I miss care free un planned sex pre kids

I guess I know its just going to be a bit shit so what's the point!?

I am craving weekend away sex! And thats not going to happen for a long time.

We barely have proper conversations these days let alone kissing. So it feels a bit gulf to leap to in one normal evening

OP posts:
TheGoddessBlossom · 14/02/2011 14:00

I am 99% certain that if you have a naked kiss and cuddle and roll around and just get into it once, you will feel a huge weight has lifted, you will remember how nice it actually is when you get going and it will make all the pressure go away. Maintain your sense of humour if the baby starts crying half way through - as someone else said, it's mostly a barrier in your head I am sure. If lots of time goes by in between doing it, it's so much harder to get back in the saddle as it were. Go for it, i think you will both be happier if you make the effort. So make the effort!!

BluddyMoFo · 14/02/2011 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumblinalong · 14/02/2011 14:04

Just because it is a particular date on the calendar you shouldn't put pressure on yourself or stress about it. Or is it your DH that is putting the pressure on?

Either way, just because it's valentines day does not mean you are obliged. It's not compulsory to hand over your body if you really don't feel like it.

However, I find that the longer I go without sex the more the thought of doing it becomes an issue. If we keep up to it with regularity the last time is still fresh in my mind and recent, I remember how good it was, and therefore feel more inclined to want to do it again. IYSWIM?!

chandellina · 14/02/2011 14:04

stop making excuses. it doesn't have to be perfect but it does have to happen at some point soon!

Original poster
temporarystate · 14/02/2011 14:07

Thanks Goddess & MoFo you made me Grin and I think you're right, before dinner could be a winner to break me back in gently Wink

I wish I didn't get so worked up about stuff like this but I do, and its just silly isn't it?

I get so used to putting the DCs first, then I want to prioritise me next in any free time I get so DH always gets pushed to back when really its US I should prioritise. Its just hard to feel that way when he didn't unload the dishwasher this morning {wink]

OP posts:
grumblinalong · 14/02/2011 14:11

I am 99% certain that if you have a naked kiss and cuddle and roll around

Did anyone else find this mental image inexplicably funny? Or am I just reverting back to being a teenager again?

putthekettleon · 14/02/2011 14:15

you're not alone, we haven't DTD since I was 10 days overdue with DC2 who is now nearly 8 months Blush It's not so much lack of wanting to, but fear it will be crap and the memory of the last time we did it when I was a beached whale still lurks... my plan tonight is to wait til the kids are in bed then drink a lot of wine. Grin

Original poster
temporarystate · 14/02/2011 14:15

I did, but its sooo true!

OP posts:
Original poster
temporarystate · 14/02/2011 14:16

I must go and have a shower whilst DCs are napping, the cleaning can wait Wink

OP posts:
namechange100 · 14/02/2011 14:25

Go go go temporary unleash you inner goddess once more!

TheGoddessBlossom · 14/02/2011 14:28

Ok slightly regretting giving such a candid insight into my own sophisticated lovemaking techniques...Grin Grin

Was reading Marie Claire reviews of sex books this month - the one on the Kama Sutra was saying "if you have fallen into the rut of the 3 positions - him behind, missionary and you on top etc..." - I was thinking, blimey that's a rut????? Grin

namechange100 · 14/02/2011 14:33

Ahh but I thinks its true we really did have to do just that and see where it led the other day as it was the right time for the BD and would have preferred to stay on sofa - but once you get going tis great, hmmm books eh...

Good advice godess

OhForBoonessSake · 14/02/2011 14:40

goddess what were the suggestions to get get out of the positional rut? Blush

EricNorthmansMistress · 14/02/2011 14:45

Have I wandered onto the conception board by mistake? DTD? BD? It's sex people!

OP, you are making excuses. Why assume it will be crap? Assume it will be a laugh and it will be.

namechange100 · 14/02/2011 14:46

Oh eric your name has reminded me of him and a whole new fantasy thing.. I think I am turining into a courgar...

Yeah what were the suggestions...

9stonewanabe · 14/02/2011 14:47

Wine, Wine and more Wine that should do it!!!

TheGoddessBlossom · 14/02/2011 14:47

Have to get the book to find out!! Grin Think i've got the video somewhere...........

namechange100 · 14/02/2011 14:50

A video! Can they be posted one here..shame... bloody hell I think I am out of the rut and into a whole new rut!

I have bought stockings today and other valentines stuff to set the scene - yes I am on a promise

(DS tea/play/bedtime activities precision planned)

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