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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be little bit upset about the timing of this phone call?

35 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 12:14

My DM is due to go into hospital at lunchime to have an operation today (complications due to previous surgery for tumour removal). Sad

Her dearest friend has been very very ill, dianosed with terminal cancer at Christmas and we have obviously been very upset watching her decline.

My mom moved to this area at 18 and became firm friends with Sarah (let's say), and was embraced onto her family, and a great realtionship has continued for nearly 50 years.

Mom spoke to Sarah on Saturday who told of the awful news that their DM had passed away on Friday night. Sad

Obviously mom is grieving hard and devasted that she is unable to go to the funeral.

Yesterday we had the news that Sarah has taken this very hard and has been admitted into hospital.

An hour ago, just before mom is due to go into hospital, we've had another phone call to say that Sarah passed away in the early hours.

As you can imagine, mom is absolutely distraught and really is in no fit state to go through the trauma of a GA.

I'm probably being oversensitive here and overprotective of mom, but couldn't this phone call have waited till tonight?

Sorry, am unfeasible upset, but just needed a little vent.

Sad
OP posts:
altinkum · 14/02/2011 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

northangerabbey · 14/02/2011 12:16

vent away, but the op is booked now, and it won't make any PHYSICAL difference to the outcome that your mum has heard this bad news.

Obviously whoever made the phone call was tied up in their own emotional trauma and not thinking about the effect on your mum Sad

I hope she makes a speedy recovery.

altinkum · 14/02/2011 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairtwiddler · 14/02/2011 12:18

Oh your poor mum. What a horrible situation. Can the hospital doctors perhaps give her a mild sedation first? My mum used to get incredibly upset about hospital treatment (phobic reasons) and that always helped.
Hope all goes ok.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 12:43

Thanks for being gentle with me, I realise I'm being sensitive.

Sad
OP posts:
ImFab · 14/02/2011 12:45

YANBU at all and I am sure you know they were not being selfish by telling you. With the shock of 2 deaths in such a short time they probably forgot your mum's operation.

I hope it goes well for your mum.

ShowOfHands · 14/02/2011 12:47

Oh Chaos. Oh my lovely.

Can you talk to the doctors. If the op can't be postponed she'll need a very sensitive and carefully-handled recovery period. Will she have people there for her? Your poor Mum.

If you want a friendly ear, please please please PM me.

KnittedBreast · 14/02/2011 12:49

i think your mother would have felt awful if she found out she was only told after the op, all that time where sh didnt know what had happened. there is no good time to know that news but sadly thats part of life. she must be hurting alot.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 13:10

Yeah, I know they weren't being selfish, I jsut have sat her in tears for the last 2 hours about this situation, I seem to have lost my ability to control and understand my emotions.

OP posts:
maryz · 14/02/2011 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LessNarkyPuffin · 14/02/2011 13:24

You are being a daughter. It's terrible to see your mother hurt and not be able to comfort her. Sometimes crying is the only thing you can do.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 16:37

Thank you - Yes it's, just my protective instinct coming out in me.Sad

Having the most shitawful day - narriwly avoided a multi car pile up coming off the motorway, and have just had a complete meltdown at DD3 who decided that prating around was more important than wearing a seatbelt. So they've just witnessed a mother crying like they never should experience.

Fuck.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2011 16:40

Chaos, hope you are as OK as you can be
Hope the operation is going well x

Dropdeadfred · 14/02/2011 16:40

Awww Chaos - don't worry about the kids seeing you cry - they will not be permanently dmaged by seeing your rue emoions from time to time. Go easy on your self, and best of luck to your mum

ImFab · 14/02/2011 19:09

TBH them not wearing a seatbelt is pretty major enough that them seeing you cry might do them some good.

Hope your mum is doing okay.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 19:48

Thanks for your kind words.

I still haven't heard from mom or dad.

Sad
OP posts:
maryz · 14/02/2011 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Punkatheart · 14/02/2011 21:40

Oh you poor poor soul - what awful combination of things.

Hang tight. I had a GA recently and I was waiting most of the day in the hospital. Then there is the coming round afterwards...it all takes longer than it should. But the bliss of a GA is that it really does feel like a dream.

You are a wonderful daughter and you will be such a comfort to your mother. I am not religious (at all) but I would like to say bless you all. If anyone needs it at the moment, you do.....

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 21:54

Thank you both, I've just off the phone to my dad, and the op was a success, but she's had terrible reaction to GA. Sad

Had another near miss in the car tonight - this time with the DCs in the car - twat of a boy racer overtaking someone as I was pulling off the drive. I am so shaken and the DCs were really shook up.

BF's stepdad's funeral tomorrow, what a fucking week I'm having.

OP posts:
maryz · 14/02/2011 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Punkatheart · 14/02/2011 21:59

Oh dear - sorry about the GA - sometimes these things can't be predicted.

Sending thoughts and remember that here is always a place to talk, share, even cry over your computer. Lots of lovely wise women....

You really do sound shaky. Please take care of yourself.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 14/02/2011 22:05

Thanks again.

I'm exhausted so am going to bed now - about 4 hours earlier than I normally do.

I hope I sleep.

OP posts:
ImFab · 14/02/2011 22:23
Sad
Cloudbase · 14/02/2011 22:50

So sorry to hear about your week, and so sorry about your mum - it's awful when you worry about your parents, isn't it.

Thinking of you. About the phone call, by the way, if they've lost a daughter and mother in a short space of time, it may be that the job of phoning round fell to someone slightly removed (a close friend, or more distant relative perhaps) who may not have known all the friends and so wouldn't have been aware of the situation. I'm sure, even in their own grief, they wouldn't have wanted to add to your Mum's pain.

Take care

ImFab · 15/02/2011 17:28

How is your mum?

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