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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent's Evening...

30 replies

peppapighastakenovermylife · 14/02/2011 12:03

According to playground chat and some friends I appear to be earning the medal for World's Worst Mother.

Next week is parent's evening. DS is 4. I expect it will be a quick chat about how he is settling in and getting on - in fact I hope it is about that as he is only 4.

For many different reasons we have decided that DH is going to go (Cannot take DC's and have no one to look after them anyway). He can tell me about it when he gets back.

People seem horrified by this. But how will I know what has been said? Am I not interested? Should I not arrange childcare for the other DC's?

He is DS's father. Plenty of the women who say this are going on their own without their partner.

Why does it make any difference if it is DH who is going? He is a grown man capable to listening to a conversation, asking any questions we have and telling me Hmm

Am I making some immortal error / sin by 'allowing' my husband to attend such an event? Last time I checked it was not 1950 and besides DH wants to go more than I do

Will keep my mouth shut next time or perhaps just tell them I can't be bothered Wink

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/02/2011 12:04

err no
maybe they have missed the point of parents' evening
and if you want to know what was said, here's an idea for them - you could always ask him!

Dancergirl · 14/02/2011 12:07

YANBU

Next time say you are going with dh, all grandparents and Great Aunt Doris. They all can't wait to hear what the teacher is going to say about the little cherub Smile

JamieLeeCurtis · 14/02/2011 12:07

I'd love my DH to go without me. I nearly always go on my own and sometimes I think it would be really useful for them to get a fresh perspective from someone else (I'm a SAHM and tend to do most of the worrying/thinking about my DCs)

BeerTricksPotter · 14/02/2011 12:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieLeeCurtis · 14/02/2011 12:13

Yes - didn't mean to imply DH is not interested. He's a very involved dad, but doesn't get sick to death-- engage with the school as much as I do

curlymama · 14/02/2011 12:18

I'd say that your dh wants to go because he misses out on getting to see the teacher in the mornings or afternoons when needs be. You have the ability to talk about any little problems on the day, your dh doesn't. And maybe your dh is more capable than theirs at relaying information.

This sort of thing always says more about the people doing the talking than it does about the person being talked about. Maybe they are jealous because they practically have to force their husbands to show an interest in parents evening.

Original poster
peppapighastakenovermylife · 14/02/2011 12:39

Thank you - I do wonder if there is a certain jealousy / confusion over us typically sharing these roles. Not that it really matters but I am the main wage earner and DH does more of these things. Confuses the status quo I think.

As an aside - is it Parent's evening or Parents' evening? My grammar is useless Blush

OP posts:
JamieLeeCurtis · 14/02/2011 12:45

Parents' I think. Evening for lots of parents

HappySeven · 14/02/2011 12:47

It's Parents' evening (the evening belongs to more than one parent).

I think there's nothing wrong with your argument and maybe the other mothers need to look at why they feel you need to go. My DH went to our DS's first parents' evening for all the reasons you state. I'd have liked to have gone but it wasn't possible. I would like to be the one to go next time though (just nosey!)

foxytocin · 14/02/2011 12:49

the playground mums are making a mountain out of a molehill.

you are of course, sensible.

Onetoomanycornettos · 14/02/2011 12:50

Just take no notice, my husband had attended parents' evening on his own, indeed was a member of the pre-school committee on his own etc etc. Some people are just used to a very traditional division of labour, or feel like women 'ought' to be more interested. I don't find parents' evenings very interesting, as they always say they are doing 'fine' which is nice to hear, but I'm looking for a bit more about strenghts/weaknesses/levels of achievements, none of which is discussed whatsoever so that no-one feels comparisons are being made or that one level is better than another (even though the children make them endlessly and one level is actually harder than the other).

foxytocin · 14/02/2011 12:50

reminds me to book a time for my dd's parents' evening which is tomorrow but I can't go because tomorrow night I am sitting on the other side of the desk!

Original poster
peppapighastakenovermylife · 14/02/2011 13:22

Foxy Grin

And thank you for grammar - I finally understand apostrophes now

TBH the alternative is that DH stays home and breastfeeds DS2. Maybe I should suggest that to them Wink

OP posts:
kickassangel · 14/02/2011 13:32

dh likes to go to things if he can, as quite often he's working & doesn't get as involved. i get very Angry about this attitude.
def ask them if anyone is volunteering to breast feed your dd so that you're free & see if you get any offers.

ellina · 14/02/2011 13:35

YANBU.

I guess it depends on your dh.

I know if mine had gone on his own to our dc's first parents' evening, I wouldn't have believed a word of what he reported back.

Largely because teacher spouted some utter nonsense - 6 months later, provenly so.

If we hadn't both been there to witness it, I don't think I'd have been able to believe it had really happened.

KnittedBreast · 14/02/2011 13:41

my sons school are always amazed that Os dad has come along to parents eve, makes me worry about the role of fathers in thier childs education if they dont bother to turn up.

I would always go along but only because i cant trust my oh to ask the right questions or retain information

LaurieFairyCake · 14/02/2011 13:45

I don't go to parents' evening - I send dh as he is a teacher.

I have never gone and don't intend to go.

idobelieveinfairies · 14/02/2011 13:46

My DP has been to many a parents evening on his own. I am suprised that some would find that odd too!

The only thing we haven't done is gone together.

YANBU

diddl · 14/02/2011 13:57

I don´t go-husband always does.

foxytocin · 14/02/2011 15:58

dh can't normally go as he works away all week. I have booked this one for the following wednesday night - he'd love to go though as he can listen forever when others say good things about his PFB.

saffy85 · 14/02/2011 16:49

YANBU.

I'd have said "it's ok coz DH is videoing the whole thing."

My DD goes to nursery and no one turns a hair when I go to parents evening without her dad.

LisaD1 · 14/02/2011 18:12

YANBU - it's parents evening tonight for DD1 (aged 11), DH has gone on his own, he is her step-father (since she was 4) and more than capable of discussing her progress with her teachers.

I have been to all other parents evenings, we usually go together, but FIL is in hospital and family are with him or out for Valentine's and I couldn't get a babysitter that I was happy to leave DD2 with (she has been having night terrors and don't want to leave her for someone else to put to bed).

So, imo, yanbu.

Annpan88 · 14/02/2011 18:13

My dad always went to mine and I never thought twice about mum not going.

lazylula · 14/02/2011 18:25

I do not think I am being unreasonable at all. One of yopu is going, it doesn't matter which one. That said both dh and I are going as my mum is looking after the children and if I am honest if only one of us could go then I would prefer it to be me. This is because dh would not be very good at relaying what has been said and as he is at work and often doesn't see the children during the week, I am the one that does the most with ds1 with regards to the school work so need to know in the most detail what is going on with him at school.

jenga079 · 14/02/2011 18:28

YANBU so long as you warn DP not to turn up wearing short shorts, which is what my dad did to me. Thanks dad!

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