Is it me? I mean, is it really me???

[Loonytoonie]

I don't want to start what seems a DH bashing thread - but I really have no one else to rant to.

I've just bathed the children, youngest (2) really needed her hair washed but hasn't quite got the hang of holding her head up to avoid soap and water running into her eyes. I called DH up for a team effort and I bundled her up, supported her neck and let DH do the hair washing. DD was giggling away at this point then DH just flung a load of soapy bubbles into her eyes out of carelessness. I reacted, DD screamed in pain and DH went up the wall at me.

Seems pretty run of the mill, I know, but DH's reaction is to shout at me, call me nasty, tell me to shut my mouth. I'm so confused. It seems every argument goes this way; I react to something he says or does (am pretty calm in nature but will no longer be a pushover) but pointing something he's done out to him just gets thrown back at me in anger with a lot of shouting and nastiness in the meantime. He's a pretty controlling character (is a head of a small secondary school and stays in this role be it at home or at work).

So, children and I are quiet and confused while he's seething in his study and ignoring all of us.

Sorry if I'm sounding like a whinger. Am feeling really flat and know that the next 48 hrs or so is going to be another silent treatment from him. Please give me a slap if I deserve one? I know that you'll all be honest with me.

Hi OP... It sounds as if your husband took offence when you said 'watch her eyes'... the implication being that he wouldn't. If you turn it around the other way, if he would have said that to you, how would you have felt?

It's often a minor thing that blows up into something it really isn't. Not the end of the world, just get another one of those 'visor' thingies and have a calm chat with your husband about what happened.

'Shut Your Mouth' would not go down well here, in this situation DH would have said something like 'I've got it'.

Everyone has spats and arguments over stupid things in marriages, it is just what happens when you spend a lot of time with people.

If this is just one of those, then no harm done with the tea and 'Sorry', I have been on both ends of that.

If however he regularly speaks to you like that and sulks for days then I think you need to have a think about your situation because that isn't normal.

Yeh, unless he is hitting her, he can speak to her any old way, it's fine@Wimple

No, I don't think most good, decent people do not tell their kids or partners (or anyone else) to 'shut up'. I have never told my children/husband to shut up. And believe me, I am no angel, have a bit of a stroppy side etc.

I am not trying to over-egg this. I really think it is totally bloody off to speak to your partner this way. Kangaroo speaks complete sense.

Sorry for cocked up grammar in second para Yu get my point.

Agree that saying shut up is not on at all. Never right to say to children never but it can happen with a partner though it is still not right.

He needs to learn a different way to speak to her for sure

The silent treatment is a difficult one to crack. I have experienced that recently (11 days worth!) and it was not good...

SOmetimes I think staying calm and pointing out that he is over-reacting can help.

However, as a teacher myself I don't think it is fair to bring his profession into it - let alone having posters ask the OP to identify his school/area! Teachers are human - have sex, have rows, behave badly in relationships, get drunk - and all of that is totally separate to his day job.