Please help me! Need some one to talk to about this

[StaryNightSky]

Oh God Please HELP!
This is going to be long, but I literally am in tears as I don´t know what to do, so please find time to read!
I used to post a lot but have not been able to for several years.
Background.
I have a DD (2.5) very good pregnancy and labour, but after I gave birth I was very ill. Lots of blood loss, and epileptic fits (lost 4pints) DH was old to call family as I might not make it through the night. I Was very poorly but desperate to breast feed, and managed for 4 months, and then combined feeding for another month (had to stop as it was the only option was Breast feed in hospital whilst being given blood). Because I was so weak I slept in DD room for 18months, night feeds, night waking (I have severe epilepsy and need as much sleep as I can get) etc. Dh and I have had problems from day 1. I think he was terrified that he would lose me and (sub) consciously blamed DD. I had comments like ?YOUR daughter is crying? said to me in the middle of the night, when I had not woken up and he came in and shook me. Leave her to cry (dd was 3 days old) she was cluster feeding at night, would not settle for a couple of hours and feed constantly. He would not hold / cuddle / feed. But would change nappies. Could not be trusted to look after dd (5 wks old, I asked to watch dd when I had a shower, came back into the room 5 mins latter DH was outside, DD was in the lounge)
We had a terrible time, lots of things were thrown at me DH said he was only a sperm donor, that I had trapped him, we really struggled. NOT TRUE BY THE WAY
Fast forward, DD is nearly 3. We have our own business (think hotel) we work 7 days a week, 365. No break. We have no money, (I feed us on 75 pounds a month). We are constantly tired, I am still getting up with DD most nights, she has just started nursery so is catching everything that goes.
DD is a poppet, DH is great most of the time and a good partner. BUT the problem is in the Bed room, I have a weight problem I have battled my whole life (lost 8 stone, whilst pregnant and diagnosed with a rare hormonal problem) I am for the first time in my life losing weight whilst still eating(previous problem with depression) I desperately DO NOT want to take the pill, encase I start to put weight on or the weight loss stops. I cannot explain how miserable I am over being FAT! I can´t eat out as I think everyone is judging me. (I am in tears even thinking about it)
But the problem is DH can?t use condoms etc. We have not had Sex for 3 years. We do other things (Oral, manual etc) but what with all the work, monies worries, etc things are getting very strained. I really do understand what he means, and I think is a fair point but I don´t know what to do.
Basically DH says no sex no relationship, either we have a relationship in the bedroom or we seperatre. So as I see it I have 2 choices.
1 take the pill and risk not losing weight and being even more miserable
2 Dont´take the pill and lose DH and being miserable.
I also worry so much about DH having DD on his own, he has never settled her to sleep, etc and loses his temper quickly (IS NOT VIOLENT NEVER HAS BEEN) but I still worry.
Please I don´t know what to do, I have no one to talk to.

I think you both need some therapy. You went through a very traumatic experience and that can have huge implications on relationships. I think it is sad your daughter is losing out a bit in her relationship with her dad and this could be made better by both of you being able to chat together with a therapist and also on your own. I say on your own as well because if you really only have each other whose ears do you whinge into when its needed? Who can he chat to? Does he go on forums to let off steam if you get what I mean. It must be difficult not having contact with his mum or dad despite the obvious animosity.
I had a very traumatic birth and it has impacted hugely on my life and how I bonded with my child but therapy has helped this. PLease both of you try it as you both sound like you are stuck and not enjoying life or each other.

Only read your OP, nothing to add, just a hug of support, you sound like a beautiful person

Dh, does not talk to anyone, His best mat is in the UK, and would help. I keep trying to get DH to talk to him. But I think he is / was VERY imbarressed by how he behavioured, and in a lot of ways I think he feels I was a bit of a saint for putting up with it.

It was a terrible time and for 6 to 12 months I did not even recognise DH. I tried to talk to him again and again but he kept saying worse and worse things (unforgivable things) but I love him and if you Love someone you find a way through. (I would NEVER stay if I thought he would hurt DD), my dad alwasy says it is harder for Men to become Dad´s than women to become Mum´s as Men feel they are no longer the most important thing in your life and have to share you.

Right, will have to take your suggestions on board, and see if I can get DH to come with me to a councilor (Will not be easy he HATEs them, his MUM and Step Dad have been in counciling for 15 years!) DH thinks that councilors are a bunch of crap!

But I have to do something, to fix this.

Thank you for all the support.

Thank god for my DD everyday (she really is a bit of myrical) and she keeps me going!

I've only read OP so you might have been given this advice already.

Use a copper coil, it's hormone free and does the job!