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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to move to a house with less maintenance

34 replies

deliakate · 13/02/2011 12:57

DH and I moved to a beautiful home in May 2009. Its half of a very large Victorian villa, and so has lovely big rooms and lots of character. But DH works very long hours, and takes the attitude that he needs to do nothing at all with the house - I don't mean washing up etc because he sometimes does that, but in terms of home maintenance.

This place was built in the 1890s in a traditional way, and there is a lot of roof with gullies and back gutters, many chimneys, gutters, down pipes etc to take care of. Not to mention the wooden windows, and the overgrown garden and outbuildings. He says he is willing to pay people to sort things out for us, but we don't have the money for a maintenance guy who can take care of it all from start to finish (like I guess the original inhabitants of the house did), so we still have to keep an eye out and have some basic home knowledge as to what needs doing/ is in bad repair and when. As DH barely ever sets foot outside except to walk down the drive to work, its very difficult/

Anyway, am I right in thinking that newer properties need less upkeep? DH is very miffed about the stamp duty, all the moving costs etc, but really, I can't see my life being learning how to take care of our period house because he doesn't think its necessary.

OP posts:

VanityRocks · 13/02/2011 13:00

Why didn't you think of this BEFORE you bought the house

Original poster

deliakate · 13/02/2011 13:01

I did not realise just how much was involved. Both DH and I come from families in which the father took control of it all, and stopped the places from falling down around our ears. Naive I guess

OP posts:

SparkleandShine · 13/02/2011 13:06

all properties need upkeep.... even new ones - you'll get away with doing nothing for a couple of years but then will have some of the same problems.

e.g. if painted on the outside will need redoing every 5-10 years depending on age. gutters always need clearing. Gardens need upkeep etc.

The only thing you get with a newer house is (usually) much smaller garden - so less upkeep, and less "character" so maybe fewer gutterings etc, but guess you liked the character in the first place else you wouldn't have bought the house!

mumzy · 13/02/2011 13:21

we currently live in a 3 bed new build with a 50ft garden(13 years old) and apart from a couple of fairly minor jobs each year (painting /replace a window frame)it is pretty much maintenance free. We are looking to move and very time I view a period property I always factor in the time and cost of maintainence into the equation. A medium size house I can cope with but the huge 5+bed victorian mansions I've decided not to bother with as they are IMO time and money pits.

MorticiaAddams · 13/02/2011 15:03

If you really can't look after it or pay someone then it would be better to move.

I love old houses and it really upsets me to see them not looked after. I know that sounds very dramatic but it genuinely makes me feel sad.

Gutters, etc wouldn't be too expensive to have looked after. I know that our window cleaner does other people's when he's there for a bit extra. Wooden windows are a lot of work but really do need to be maintained properly as can be very expensive to replace.

You say your dh works long hours but you don't say what you do. Can't you look after the garden?

NinkyNonker · 13/02/2011 16:29

If he is happy to pay someone to repair things as and when, all that needs doing is spotting them and picking up the phone? Hardly the most taxing of rocket sciences.

I too would be hacked off about stamp duties etc, a waste of money due to lack of thought or laziness.

Original poster

deliakate · 13/02/2011 16:38

I'm at home with our toddler and preg with the next one coming this spring. I don't sit on my ass all day, and I have sorted out quite a few things since moving here - gutters, wasps nests, replacement windows where needed, and had specialists round to check out a horrid damp patch upstairs, electricans etc etc. I just don't want it to be me doing this alone for the rest of my life, dealing with tradesmen who ask what DH does and think - here's another city wife, lets fleece her.
As for gardening, I just don't know where to start - we have gardener but he just seems to pick up leaves and I'm lost.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 16:49

I grew up in a house where the dad did everything of that sort.

But isn't it rather obvious that old houses need a huge amount of work?

You're not having to do the work yourself, just hire people to do it.

How hard is that?

But if you feel taht way, probably best to move.

Original poster

deliakate · 13/02/2011 17:12

Its just the anxiety that I feel knowing its all on my shoulders as well as all the childcare, homecare etc. I honestly did not think DH would expect it all just to get done magically, and just write a few cheques (moaning about me spending money along the way).
The only thing he bothered about was getting a ridiculously elaborate wine cellar kitted out, which hasn't really added much to the upkeep at all.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 13/02/2011 17:35

All houses need upkeep - have lived in old ones and at the moment a newer type one. TBH not that much difference. New houses still have gutters/pipes that need to be cleared every year etc. If he is willing to pay for these things to be done, just call out a company to do it - and then get gutter 'hedgehog' thingys fitted to stop the leaves etc building up.

Houses are all about up keep unfortunately

Bumpsadaisie · 13/02/2011 17:48

Hmm, I think your DH needs to step up! Perhaps I am being anachronistic but the fact is that the heavier burden of dealing with kids usually falls on the mother (not least because the kids usually want it that way). Therefore its up to father to sort out the nest and get his tools out.

I really respect my DH who can turn his hand to anything and is always fixing things around the place. Gives me a nice feeling.

valiumredhead · 13/02/2011 17:51

I know what you mean bumps and if my dh can't for any reason, I ring a man who can. Employing a handy man on a permanent basis can be expensive but that sounds like an expensive way to get things done. I think we used to pay £30 to get our gutters cleaned in London.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 17:53

'Therefore its up to father to sort out the nest and get his tools out.'

What is this, 1950?!

He doesn't want to, he doesn't have time.

So hire someone in when things go awry (since you can't afford a maintenance guy , get online and figure out how to take care of a house like that - so you'll know whom to hire, or sell up and move to a newer house.

Sack the gardner and hire another one.

coccyx · 13/02/2011 17:55

I feel for you .
Better an old house with character rather than a boring, new build box.
Find a local handy man

Original poster

deliakate · 13/02/2011 17:55

Its so overwhelming. Partly its anxiety that things are going wrong that I don't know about. I have a house file, with small jobs and larger ones. But, yes, I think I need specific research on how to take care of a period house. Effing full time job.

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 13/02/2011 17:56

Well, I don't mind admitting that I go a bit weak at the knees when dh gets his tools out

Original poster

deliakate · 13/02/2011 17:58

Blimey, I practically need a hard had when my DH does. He get so ANGRY

OP posts:

GloriaSmut · 13/02/2011 18:05

I live in a very old house - parts of it date back to 1826 - and soon realised that unless the house was to fall down around our ears, I would need to take responsibility for sorting out maintenance.

I do consult dp - who is perfectly contented to share the cost of work or even pay all of the costs - but I check out what needs doing, organise estimates and employ whoever is necessary to do whatever the job is.

It's not a question of control or weakness, but more a realistic division of tasks based on who is best at them.

I grew up in an all-female household where the very idea that house maintenance should be exclusively "Father's work" was quite risible. And this was in the 1950s!!

If I were the OP, I'd consider looking at courses in period property maintenance. That way you could learn some of the practical skills too.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 19:10

Exactly, Gloria! Start doing some research. There are bound to be loads of forums online alone.

sofaaddict · 13/02/2011 20:19

We live in house built in 1866 and your priority should be the roof and gutters always. Inspect these once a year. The garden should be laid to lawn as a minimum (fairly easy maintainance). Use CheckaTrade (if it's in your area?) and you can always ask to see previous work/references. If you're painting timber windows always use natural products (e.g. lime wash, linseed oil etc). If you have a natural slate roof, keep and maintain like for like. There must be similar properties on your road/in the area. Do you neighbours have specific tradesmen/gardeners that they use and would recommend? Could you even swap house tips with them and do things at a similar time?
hth

expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 20:23

We lived in a Victorian house that had original sash windows and we had to keep on top of condensation for sure!

It did need a lot of work as it had old drains.

Also, I'd make sure there are no climbing vines or any climbing plants on the walls.

Ours was a rented house, but the clematis and ivy on the walls grew roots under the ground and eventually caused thousands of pounds worth of damage to the drains as the roots forced them apart as they aged.

The other thing we had to watch where the electrics.

GetOrfMoiLand · 13/02/2011 20:32

Jesus christ looking after a period house is not a full time job!

Yes it needs far more maintenance than a new house, but to move house because you are afraid of looking out for blocked gutters/rotting window frames etc is madness.

Make sure that your house is maintained at the beginning of winter and spring and it should be fine - lots of people in yellow pages/flyers do basic house maintenace.

Main things to look out for are window frames, bricks crumbling, gutters and general maintenance.

I have always lived in Victorian houses and it is not that hard.

expatinscotland · 13/02/2011 20:41

'I have always lived in Victorian houses and it is not that hard.'

Especially when you don't have to do it yourself!

Ours had old metal guttering and this mahoosive garden we were forever weeding and pruning stuff and it was a 'mare to mow.

scottishmummy · 13/02/2011 20:51

can you not just pay someone do maintenance?

Honeybee79 · 13/02/2011 20:55

Erm, what did you think it would be like living in a big old house?! . Wasn't it obvious that you'd need to do maintenance?

Do it yourself, pay someone to do it or move. I don't see why it's so hard to pay someone else to do it if you've got the money.

And if you aren't happy with the gardener then speak to him/her, increase their hours and get the garden sorted.

Bit confused about the whole situation to be honest.

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