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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think about taking DS on hen do?

36 replies

kaymondo · 13/02/2011 11:17

Sorry, this is long! Just wanted to get a feel for what other people would do in my situation.

One of my best and oldest friends is getting married in May, with hen do a few weeks before. She is going to lanzarote for a long weekend. They are staying in a villa and due to a health condition that my friend has, it will not be a boozy, noisy type of hen do, more chilling around the pool during the day and quiet meals in the evening. She stipulated right from the outset that babies were welcome to come (as a few of her close friends have kids), because it will be a chilled affair and plenty of room in the villa.

I had originally said no to going, mainly because i am still on mat leave so it is a lot of money to spend and didn't think it was that fair to take ds away from dh for 3 days. Other friends with babies also said no for various reasons.

Since then a couple of things have happened to make me rethink. Firstly, the bride has basically had loads of people drop out, 2 due to pregnancy, 1 buying a house etc etc, so now only has a few people going which i know she is upset about. To a certain extent, she did bring this on herself as her bridesmaids (also good friends of mine) did try to tell her that it might be worth thinking about a uk hen do if she wanted decent numbers because of people trying for babies/moving house/getting married/got small babies etc, but she had her heart set on lanzarote so there we go. I just know that she is very disappointed that so few of her close friends can get there and i feel guilty for not going, esp as we've had a slight change in our financial situation which means that i could now afford to go. The other thing which has made me rethink is that dh is going on a stag do over the weekend of the royal wedding - he is best man so really did have to go, but after he made me feel guilty about thinking about taking ds away with me for 3 days without him, he was perfectly happy to extend his stag do by a day when the bank holiday for the royal wedding was announced. Seems to me that it is a bit hypocritical of him to make me feel bad because he won't see ds for 3 days if i take him away, but he is quite happy not to see him for 4 days when he is out getting drunk in marbella with his mates!Dh is now saying i should go if i want to, but i know he's not really that keen on me doing it. If we do go, ds will be the only baby (altho i have a feeling that if i book on, one of other friends with a baby may follow suit).

I really can't decide what to do for the best - keep changing my mind. What do you guys think? Am i unreasonable for thinking of going? Really interested to get some objective opinions on this one!

(I should say that i would not go with ds - i wouldn't leave him for 3 days, its either he comes or neither of us go)

OP posts:
annbenoli · 13/02/2011 11:20

go

Serendippy · 13/02/2011 11:20

Go if you want to. Sorry, but that is the best I can do!

fluffles · 13/02/2011 11:22

go.

FabbyChic · 13/02/2011 11:23

Go, your husband is going away, why should'nt you, you are being a good mum and taking your child too.

Go have a break.

GelflinGirl · 13/02/2011 11:24

YANBU in taking your DS with you. I really cant see why this is a hard decission.......... You can afford it, shes your closest and best friend and you would all enjoy it.

The only "con" is DH wont be very happy, well tough! Like you said he is happy to go away for four days.

very simple GOand have fun Smile

fivegomadindorset · 13/02/2011 11:24

Go

pjmama · 13/02/2011 11:25

Go and have a marvellous time!

diddl · 13/02/2011 11:26

Go if you want to.

Cannot believe that you thought about not going on the basis of it taking your son away from his father for a few days tbh.

ZeroMinusZero · 13/02/2011 11:28

I don't understand what your reason for not going would be, I'm a bit confused. She's a bit silly for having a hen do in another country, though IMO. But do go and enjoy yourself.

Original poster
kaymondo · 13/02/2011 11:30

Thanks for all your responses so far - guess i was just worried about being really selfish, by taking ds away and by spending the money as, altho we can afford it, it is a bit extravagent!

OP posts:
Boohooyou · 13/02/2011 11:32

Echo zero don't really understand why you are thinking not to go?
What is the reason?

GelflinGirl · 13/02/2011 11:32

Im sure it will cost around the same for DH do that hes going to go to so i wouldnt worry, your not being selfish

Violethill · 13/02/2011 11:32

Agree with zero. Why on earth someone thinks it's a good idea to have a hen do in lanzarote fgs is beyond me- and I don't think you should feel guilt tripped into going just because other people have pulled out. However if you want to go- then go.

FlamingoBingo · 13/02/2011 11:32

go, not selfish Smile

Onetoomanycornettos · 13/02/2011 11:33

It sounds like you would like to go, you haven't mentioned any of the hassles of travelling with a little one, so if you are happy with that side of it, and have the spare money, I would go.

Typical partner, think he was a bit unfair saying 'three whole days without DS'. I suspect he doesn't want you to go and that was a convenient excuse. He's so busted.

FabbyChic · 13/02/2011 11:34

Hey your husband is going away and spending money, why shouldn't you?

TheVisitor · 13/02/2011 11:34

I don't understand why you wouldn't go either. I'd also be happy to leave the child at home with Daddy for 3 days.

pozzled · 13/02/2011 11:35

Go.

If it's ok for your DH to go away for a few days (and spend money!) then of course it's ok for you- don't feel guilty.

diddl · 13/02/2011 11:36

"guess i was just worried about being really selfish, by taking ds away "

Leave him with his dad, then!

FakePlasticTrees · 13/02/2011 11:38

Oh go, if your DH can't be parted from DS for a few nights, then he wouldn't be going on the stag do. Or go and leave your DS with your DH...

I think your friend is being very silly about people not being able to go, if she really wants people there she should pay for them to go. If she was my friend, I's suggested she has a second hen in the uk, just dinner somewhere realtively cheap near home one night the week or so before the wedding so the friends who would have loved to be there but can't afford a big event will be able to go.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 13/02/2011 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FakePlasticTrees · 13/02/2011 11:41

(But then I have a view that hen/stag dos should cost a maximum of £200 all in - mine came in about half - and should be limited to a weekend so people who work normal office hours don't have to take time off work, anything else is far too self indulgent)

Original poster
kaymondo · 13/02/2011 11:42

She is a bit silly for going to lanzarote but i think that stems back to when others in our group of friends got married a few years back (including me) we all had hen do's abroad because the whole group of us decided that's what we'd do - make it a mini holiday rather than just a hen do iyswim? I think she had that in her mind, but didn't really appreciate that a few years back we had less commitments, more disposable cash etc, so wasn't an issue for people.
Travelling with ds on my own is a bit of a worry but then i know my mates will help out as much as i let them, i could prob get away with doing next to nothing while we're away as they all love to get their hands on him Grin

OP posts:
diddl · 13/02/2011 11:46

Perhaps you should consider going without your son if you´re worried about the flight?

Also, how hot will it be, where would he sleep & how child friendly is the place?

Your husband isn´t even considering taking his son-perhaps you shouldn´t either?

Violethill · 13/02/2011 11:49

If it were me', I'd go alone. Leave ds with your dh and then you can totally relax and be in the swing of it. I wouldn't be happy about paying to go abroad mind you, but if I decided to stump up, id keep it as simple as possible and not take a child along

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