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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by facebook photos

53 replies

Nettlerash · 12/02/2011 22:50

I was just reading my news feed and noticed my neice had commented on a few of her friends pictures which were all public content. I had a quick look (me being nosy me!) and I was pretty shocked at what I saw.
This girl was posing in really skimpy clothes, bending over pushing her boobs together so you could see right down her top etc..............I had heard stuff like this happening but didnt realise it was so close to home.

I know I was just being nosy and its none of my business etc etc..........but I was surprised that anyone could just go into her pictures like that.
Is this what we mums of girls have to look forward to?

My neice is 14/15 so this girl is in the same class.

OP posts:
blimp72 · 13/02/2011 07:04

My 7yr old DD has just started asking me if she can use facebook to which a gave a resounding NO NO NO !!! It seems they've been learning all about it in school??
I understand that if a child is on the internet they need to know how to use it but untill this was mentioned at school she'd never mentioned it. The amount of people i've spoken to who've had relastionship break downs and arguments over facebook is staggering. I have to laugh in the playground when the mums say to each other i've just been looking at your pics on facebook?????? Why don't they just bring them to the playground and show them to everyone!!( sorry went into a bit of a rant then)I stongly think that children under the age of 16 shouldn't be allowed on facebook.
My DD uses the internet but she is only allowed to go on sites i've checked and put into the favorites folder ie disney / citv /cbbc ect, as for revealing photos of underage childernShock

cloudydays · 13/02/2011 10:36

Hairy in that case I can totally understand why you thought it was very inappropriate. Maybe a call to the mother would have been better but I would be quite shocked to see revealing pictures of a naked 11 year old on FB too.

ivykaty44 · 13/02/2011 10:46

I'm going off going outside these days as it leaves me and my family in a vulnerable position Sad

dd2 gets the bus to school and I worry that people could take photographs of her without her knowing and then they coudl do allsorts of weid things with the photographs.

I have tryed to tell her she is a pretty girl and so are her friends they should be putting brown bags on their heads with eye holes cut out - but she refuses to have any of this and says they should be able to walk around freely and its the pervs that need locking up and they should be allowed to have their fun of walking around with free flowing hair.

dd1 who is much older has stood up for her and said why should she not be allowed to do noram teens things just because of a few pervs that need locking up not the lock the girls up. dd1 says it will become like houses they are all locked up now and the police shout at you if you get burgled - it couldn't possibly be the burglers fault and they be punished.

What a world we live in where we punish young girls and boys for others afflictions

Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 19:30

Thanks ladies, sorry I went to sleep last night after posting this. I try to be very careful about what I put up on FB. I just hope when my daughter grows up to that age I will be able to inform her and help her to understand the consequences to it.

I havent read through all the thread yet. But will do.

OP posts:
Deaddei · 13/02/2011 19:35

Blimp- she won't have been taught about it at school, the children will have been talking about it. You would be shocked at how many year 3s have Fb.
I have seen some of dd's "friends" (who are 13) photos in fake lesbian poses, bottles of Bacardi in hand, posing in underwear. I reported it to head of year.

80sMum · 13/02/2011 19:41

times have changed haven't they? I have loads of pictures of my own DCs when they were little - in the bath, running naked in the garden under a sprinkler, naken on the beach etc etc. No digital images in those days: all the films were taken into Boots to be developed. No-one ever batted an eylid about this kind of photo: all my friends and family had similar photos of their own children. If I took those pictures into Boots now, I'd probably have the police knocking on my door! How sad! what has become of innocence and childhood??!

squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 19:47

a 3 yr old naked in a bath no problem.. but an 11yr old.... errrr noooooooooooo definately not on... I find it very odd that an 11yr old girl would be put into a bath with a 3yr old to be quite honest...

I would have thought at 11 she would value her privacy more, and be capable of having a bath on her own.

If I had a teen I would insist on being her "friend" on FB to make sure she wasnt putting herself into potentially risky situations.

blimp72 · 13/02/2011 19:47

Deaddei yeah they've had a computer expert in telling them all about the dangers of the internet(good thing)inc FB i was just a bit surprised when she asked because no one she has any contact with is on FB and never mentioned it before

Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 19:54

I agree 80's I remember my mum even showing some of those pictures of me with no clothes on to early boyfriends! Blush We thought nothing of it back then. But then I guess you could select who would be looking at them. It really is sad though but I guess we have become programmed to think like that. Back then it was natural, now its weird or strange.

I think teenagers have become a lot more sexually aware/active so much earlier now too. Its not just about pervs - its about men and boys. Normal men and boys. Did we girls and women forget that men actually have testosterone and especially younger lads will find it a lot more difficult to keep this under control when it is in their faces all the time - we then end up with...........the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe and countless rape accusations.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 13/02/2011 20:03

But then I guess you could select who would be looking at them.

You still can select who veiws any of your photos - you don't have to upload photos onto fb and if you do you can go and change default and then select who views those uploaded photos - this stops people tagging photos and then all there friends being able to see the photos.

far better to learn how to use the tecn wisely and know what you are doing and how to make your settings personel to you for your own wants and needs.

Deaddei · 13/02/2011 20:08

Blimp-I see.

DitaVonCheese · 13/02/2011 20:42

Hmm at OP's last post.

princessparty · 13/02/2011 20:49

I don't understand what is so scary about a 3 yo being naked in a photo.

Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 22:16

Why Dita? Whats wrong with my last post? True aint it?? Grin

OP posts:
redrollers · 13/02/2011 22:25

If you are a "friend" on fb, How do you know what her settings are, how so you know everyone can see the photos? You can set it to just friends, or friends of friends.
I think this is ridiculous. The mother obviously thinks it's innocent, it's not pornography fgs.

BeerTricksPotter · 13/02/2011 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 13/02/2011 22:31

it's possible she's got it set as "friends of friends" rather than everyone. That's why your friend (who is a mutual friend with you) could see them.

shakey1500 · 13/02/2011 22:38

Unfortunately, it's a common thing now :(

My step daughter also does this, various "poses" with cleavage showing, pouting etc. So do her friends. Granted she is 19 now but she really is 19 going on 14. This has been happening for the past 3 years or so. I used to comment but soon realised that if i continued she would just block me (she lives miles away) and FB (sadly) has been a way of keeping track of what she's up to.

radiohelen · 13/02/2011 22:45

YANBU.

Ok so here's a thing. My neice wants a fb profile. She's 14 and quite mature (I think!). Her parents have asked me to have a talk with her about it as they don't know the first thing about fb Shock.

So what do I tell her?
What rules would you put down?

Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 22:49

beertricks thats not what I meant at all. Many rape victims are completely innocent and unjustifiably subject to this abuse.

I am talking of women who provoke men - end up in their beds and then in the morning blame the guy for raping them. - that kind of thing. I mean that we need to be careful how we lead guys on.

I never said it was pornography either!!

OP posts:
lospollos · 13/02/2011 22:51

sadly i'm off the MV, bebo, myspace, photobucket generation and this does not shock me at all

doesnt make it right though.

BeerTricksPotter · 13/02/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DitaVonCheese · 13/02/2011 22:53

No, OP Hmm BeerTricks had said very eloquently what I couldn't put into words earlier. Normal lads are not turned into deranged rapists because girls flash too much boob at them ffs.

Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 22:54

NO beertricks Not at all. I know several men who have been ACCUSED of rape/sexual abuse etc and have afterwards been found not guilty.

I also know from my own personal experience that sleeping with a guy after a drunken night out does not constitute rape. Not in my book anyway. There is a HUGE difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nettlerash · 13/02/2011 22:56

Is that what I said Dita or rather you playing on words? That sounds totally off what I meant to say if so?

OP posts:
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