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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feeling pretty pissed off about this?

81 replies

sevendwarves · 11/02/2011 20:50

I probably ABU but I need to rant.

My parents are going on holiday in three weeks time for 10 days. They have three dogs and can't afford to put them in kennels. They usually go abroad twice a year and rely on family (usually me, although once my uncle and once my brother) to house-sit with the dogs whilst they're away.

My sister had already said she would be able to look after them as she's on maternity leave at the moment anyway and said (in her own words) she has nothing better to do. This worked out great for us as we're moving house next week and obviously want the chance to settle in rather than stay at my parents house, and also DS will be in his own room for the first time and I don't think it's fair on him to be in his room for 2 weeks and then have to move into my parents house for 10 days.

My mum came over tonight and said that my sister has told her that she won't be able to house-sit because she has a baby(DD 5 months) and doesn't think it's fair. So my mum told me (rather than asked) that I have to house-sit instead.

The reason I'm so pissed off with it is that DH and I had to do it when DS was 4 months old, and I did mention it was an inconvenience but was told as my sister worked 30 miles away it was unfair to expect her to do it. I don't know if it's relevant but will also mention that her DD sleeps through the night already so it isn't like my sister is still in the nightfeed-exhaustion stage.

AIBU?

OP posts:
memphis83 · 12/02/2011 10:03

it doesnt matter if your parents do a lot for you, that is what parents are for to call on for help when needed, dont feel guilty, its easier for a baby to be moved into new situations that a toddler, your ds going into his own room is a big deal and once in there you dont want to upheave him, good luck

Chandon · 12/02/2011 10:05

what does your mum do for you? she seems to feel extremely entitled to help, so does she do loads of babysitting etc. for you?

On the sound of it, YADNBU!

Don't like the way she makes the dogs your and your sisters problem.

I hope you and your sister stick together on this one, that would be a good thing. don't turn against her, it's your mum who is at fault!

StealthPolarBear · 12/02/2011 10:07

OP, what are you going to do?

squeakytoy · 12/02/2011 10:26

And how ridiculous that they cannot afford kennels, if they go abroad, and that is really the case, they need to stay in a less expensive hotel and use their holiday budget towards the kennel!!!!!!!

ummm not necessarily..

holidays at this time of year are cheap...for example if you are going to the canaries.. ten days self catering is about £120.. flights are £100 each.. so a total cost of £340.. we do this a couple of times a year at the cheapest times. We dont spend a fortune while out there.

If we were to add £450 of kennel fees onto that, it would be impossible to go.

Obviously that may not be the case in the Op, but going abroad does not mean you are wealthy! lol!!!..

BendyBob · 12/02/2011 10:30

Kennels/cattery should be part of the cost of the holiday.

Great if someone wants to do it, but if you have pets it's utimately a cost that you have to be prepared to meet if necessary.

Anonymousbird · 12/02/2011 10:33

Ok, squeaky, I take your point (we don't go abroad, only once in a blue moon, so I am not that aware of how much or how little it costs) but the cost of the kennel should be part of the holiday cost. And, if overall you cannot afford it, you cannot go.

Glitterknickaz · 12/02/2011 10:35

YANBU, we have two dogs and can't take them on the campsite we've chosen this year so they're booked into kennels.

As a dog owner you just have to factor the cost in, it's as simple as that. Weirdly 10 nights' boarding at a kennel is the same as 10 nights' camping!

NonnoMum · 12/02/2011 10:42

Bloody doggie people.

Just tell 'em to have 'em put down.

That'll sort everything.

sillytart · 12/02/2011 10:53

YANBU.
I would ring back and say 'Although I understand what sister has done to you is an inconvience, it is an incovenience to us at the moment with everything else going on. I also don't understand what the problem is with ds as we looked after your dogs when ds was 4 months old so I suggest you take this up with her. And yes we appreciate what you do for us and that is what family is for which is why I have looked after the dogs before and will also do so again in the future, just not this time. Bye.'

My inlaws book a holiday and then about 1-2 days before they go they ask if we can have the dog. It's not really a problem but it just really fucking annoys me. They don't want to put the dog in kennels beacuse she is there 'baby' which is fair enough, but I don't arrange a night away or night out without organising a babysitter and they shouldn't either. Anyway rant over Blush, lets get back to you Grin

BlueCollie · 12/02/2011 11:03

I have a dog and I wouldn't book a holiday without really making sure someone can have the dog and if at the last minute for whatever reason then I would fully undertand that the pooch would have to go in kennels.

Stand your ground as you have too much going on with moving house and it is unreasonable of your mother not to understand that and I think your sister is being a pain in the arse by saying no.
Good luck with your move nad I hope your son settles in the new house okay.

fedupofnamechanging · 12/02/2011 11:04

These are not your dogs and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty because you can't look after them on this occasion. If you parents are not prepared to pay for kennels, then they should either not go on so many holidays or not have dogs in the first place. It's wrong to have pets and continually palm their care off onto other members of the family.

It's good to help family if you can, but you have specific reasons why you can't. Your parents should not expect you to re arrange your life, while totally letting your sister off the hook. She promised and she has let them down. They need to be talking to her, not you.

Stay strong. People can only walk all over you if you let them.

ZombiePlan · 12/02/2011 11:20

You've already told her that you won't do it. I wouldn't call her back because that's kind of implying that you don't think your mum accepted your first refusal (and it sort of indicates that you think it's valid for her to do this). You've told her you won't be housesitting. Why do you need to do anything else? If she chooses to not believe that you won't be moving into her house for a week Hmm, that's her problem. It's her responsibility to sort out her dogs, not yours or your sister's.

ZombiePlan · 12/02/2011 11:21

Although I do think your sister has more responsibility in this instance, as she's the one letting them down...

LittleMissHissyFit · 12/02/2011 13:06

OP, remember that No is a complete sentence.

Don't you dare call her back. You have already said no, and she has to accept that.

Refuse to discuss this with her any further.

roses2 · 12/02/2011 13:49

What difference does it make if your sister is 30 miles away from work since she's on maternity leave?!

tl10 · 12/02/2011 14:06

I think you should be feeling annoyed towards your mum and leaving your sister out of the equation to be honest. My 4 month old sleeps through but I wouldnt be overjoyed about uprooting her and all the things she needs to someone else's house for 1o days. The dogs around her wouldn't thrill me either (and I love dogs). If you were pressured into it when your child was 4 months then I'd expect you understand where she is coming from and not expect her to have to go through the same thing through pettiness. Your sister obviously doesn't know how to say no either and has obviously regretted this when the time has come.

Your mum is being unreasonable (unless you rely on her heavily for unpaid babysitting)and I would club together for kennels with your sister but expect to be paid back by your parents when they are on their feet again. x

Original poster
sevendwarves · 12/02/2011 14:08

Mum's been looking after DS for me this morning so I could clean the new house (arranged a couple of weeks ago). She was really quiet and obviously pissed off when she picked him up earlier. I could tell she was expecting me to back down but I didn't mention it, which I could tell surprised her. :o

Dad was fine with me though, meaning she either hasn't told him, hopefully because she knows it's not me in the wrong, or he isn't getting involved. Knowing my dad if he knew he'd have been angry.

Anyway she should be bringing DS home soon so will see if she brings it up again or accepts it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sevendwarves · 12/02/2011 14:11

tl10 when they say they can't afford it they definately mean they would rather not spend that much on kennels.

OP posts:
kerala · 12/02/2011 14:15

Same theory applies to dog owning oldies as to people with children- parents get slated if they indicate that they feel entitled to free childcare from grandparents - your child your responsibility etc however this cuts both ways and also applies to dog owning grandparents.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 12/02/2011 14:19

I don't know much about dogs, but is it possible to pop in to feed them twice a day and take them for a walk without moving in? I'm so glad my mum has a cat!

zukiecat · 12/02/2011 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tl10 · 12/02/2011 14:23

ah ok. Well to be honest I think your mum has done a very clever trick of playing you and your sister off against each other. Unless you both have her babysitting frequently (which if is the case I think looking after her dogs twice a year is a nice gesture of thanks) I think you should ring your sister up and put on a strong united front of saying it is time for the dogs to go into kennels. x

mewantcookiesmenocanwait · 12/02/2011 14:29

Totally agree that your Mum's playing you and your sister off against each other (perhaps unintentionally). It's totally irrelevant whether or not you dog-sat with a young baby - your sister's not willing/able to and that's that.

Original poster
sevendwarves · 12/02/2011 14:38

cookiemonster they live 5 miles away, I know it isn't far but I don't drive so would have to stay there.

She just dropped off DS. I opened the door and DS walked straight in. She said to DS "bye bye darling", then said "bye" in a very frosty tone without looking at me and shut the door. I then heard her say "thanks" from the other side of the door (which I assume I was meant to). I now don't even know whether DS has even had lunch or a nap. I had been about to say thanks for having him but she was so abrupt and I was so shocked by her attitude I didn't actually get the chance!

OP posts:
MatureUniStudent · 12/02/2011 14:45

Don't you think your mother is behaving a bit like a child? I'd ignore her and refuse to feel upset at her behaviour.